Husband Not Being Supportive About Breastfeeding

[Anonymous]

We are first time parents with a newborn. I’ve had breastfeeding struggles but I’m pushing through because it’s important a to me during the pandemic to breastfeed. We still have many issues and everyday doesn’t go as smooth as I would like. My husband, who was supportive at first, now has been less than supportive and it’s bothering me. When I mention how our day went with feedings or vent about how awful the feed went, etc., he tells me he’s tired of hearing about it. He bought formula a month ago in hopes I would use it but I haven’t. He seems to no longer care that I’m struggling with breastfeeding or care about my emotions because of it. He has told me multiple times he’s tired of hearing me complain when I won’t do anything to change it. I feel so unsupported and I feel like it’s going to hurt my marriage in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are first time parents with a newborn. I’ve had breastfeeding struggles but I’m pushing through because it’s important a to me during the pandemic to breastfeed. We still have many issues and everyday doesn’t go as smooth as I would like. My husband, who was supportive at first, now has been less than supportive and it’s bothering me. When I mention how our day went with feedings or vent about how awful the feed went, etc., he tells me he’s tired of hearing about it. He bought formula a month ago in hopes I would use it but I haven’t. He seems to no longer care that I’m struggling with breastfeeding or care about my emotions because of it. He has told me multiple times he’s tired of hearing me complain when I won’t do anything to change it. I feel so unsupported and I feel like it’s going to hurt my marriage in the long run.

Are you the same poster whose husband is pressure her for sex?

[Anonymous]

OP—what other support are you getting? Are you in a new moms group? Have you seen a lactation consultant? Is there a close friend or family member that you can turn to?

What you’re hearing from your spouse may be frustration that there’s nothing he can do. Sure, he could do better. And if you’re not connecting with others, then you could also do better.

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing more he can do. He has listened: the story never changes.

Either make some changes…like a lactation consultant, a breastfeeding group, or bring in more pumped bottles…or continue on as you are, but don’t mention every little thing about breastfeeding.

There’s nothing he can do, you’re choosing to continue. He’s not stopping you. What do you want from him? Actually asking: what do you want from him?

[Anonymous]

In your original thread you said baby was 4 weeks old and DH got the formula a month ago so we're you originally not planning to breastfeed?

[Anonymous]

One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing people complain and do nothing to change it (when there are ways to). It drives me nuts and I have a difficult time connecting with them or feeling overwhelming sympathy. Probably because my mom is like that. Either make changes or stop complaining about it. It's exhausting and childish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are first time parents with a newborn. I’ve had breastfeeding struggles but I’m pushing through because it’s important a to me during the pandemic to breastfeed. We still have many issues and everyday doesn’t go as smooth as I would like. My husband, who was supportive at first, now has been less than supportive and it’s bothering me. When I mention how our day went with feedings or vent about how awful the feed went, etc., he tells me he’s tired of hearing about it. He bought formula a month ago in hopes I would use it but I haven’t. He seems to no longer care that I’m struggling with breastfeeding or care about my emotions because of it. He has told me multiple times he’s tired of hearing me complain when I won’t do anything to change it. I feel so unsupported and I feel like it’s going to hurt my marriage in the long run.

Are you the same poster whose husband is pressure her for sex?

OP here. I was inspired to post after I saw how many women were sticking up for breastfeeding. I have never posted on this site.

[Anonymous]

Lactation consultant.

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding is great when it works. But having a happy and not stressed out mom is better for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP—what other support are you getting? Are you in a new moms group? Have you seen a lactation consultant? Is there a close friend or family member that you can turn to?

What you’re hearing from your spouse may be frustration that there’s nothing he can do. Sure, he could do better. And if you’re not connecting with others, then you could also do better.

OP here. We do have a lactation consultant. He was thoroughly examined for a tongue and lip tie but he had none. We have been using a nipple shield but he hates it. I have been triple feeding for 2.5 weeks now in order to get him to gain weight. I talk to my best friend but she’s busy with her own life and kids.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to reframe your complaints. Make sure they’re about fussy baby and not breastfeeding.

My Dh LOVES breastfeeding. It means he never has to get up in the middle of the night to feed. He loves how easy it is to travel without bottles or formula. And he loves that she calms down easily by nursing. In reality he didn’t care whether I breastfed or not, but there were a lot of benefits in it for him. So start telling your Dh all about husbands who have to take every other shift at night instead of you just nursing quickly and then plopping baby in bassinet. (And I’m pro formula too, so don’t take this paragraph the wrong way)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your original thread you said baby was 4 weeks old and DH got the formula a month ago so we're you originally not planning to breastfeed?

OP here. He’s technically 4.5 weeks old. He was born 10/4/2021. He bought formula the first week back home when he was having issues. I always planned to breastfeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reframe your complaints. Make sure they’re about fussy baby and not breastfeeding.

My Dh LOVES breastfeeding. It means he never has to get up in the middle of the night to feed. He loves how easy it is to travel without bottles or formula. And he loves that she calms down easily by nursing. In reality he didn’t care whether I breastfed or not, but there were a lot of benefits in it for him. So start telling your Dh all about husbands who have to take every other shift at night instead of you just nursing quickly and then plopping baby in bassinet. (And I’m pro formula too, so don’t take this paragraph the wrong way)

OP here. My baby doesn’t nurse quick. Every feeding takes 45 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Wife: “BF is hard but I think it’s worth it so I want to continue.”

Husband: “OK, I support that decision. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: “Sorry to hear that. I bought some formula in case you need it.”

Wife: “BF is hard and here’s all the hard things about today.”

Husband: …

Like, at this point, WHAT DO YOU WANT from him, specifically? I notice you failed to answer that question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reframe your complaints. Make sure they’re about fussy baby and not breastfeeding.

My Dh LOVES breastfeeding. It means he never has to get up in the middle of the night to feed. He loves how easy it is to travel without bottles or formula. And he loves that she calms down easily by nursing. In reality he didn’t care whether I breastfed or not, but there were a lot of benefits in it for him. So start telling your Dh all about husbands who have to take every other shift at night instead of you just nursing quickly and then plopping baby in bassinet. (And I’m pro formula too, so don’t take this paragraph the wrong way)

OP here. My baby doesn’t nurse quick. Every feeding takes 45 minutes.

How old is your baby? I think you need to give yourself an end date for breastfeeding. Like if it’s not working by 6 weeks I will start formula and be happy about it. Don’t make yourself miserable. Triple feeding should go on for more than a week in my opinion. It’s hard and can easily make you not like the baby and hate breastfeeding.

Be kind to yourself. It’s okay if breastfeeding isn’t for you. You have a baby! And breastfeeding is such a tiny part of an amazing baby experience. Don’t let it ruin these first few weeks.