husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The weird part about this post is reducing the problem to how much inheritance her DD will receive.

Troll?

not a troll. We have worked really hard to make sure that our child won't go through the hardship we both went through. We both grew up with struggling single mothers and sometimes school lunch was the only meal hence not wanting kids in the first place.

You think divorce isn’t going to affect your child’s financial future? Just wait until DH remarries and has a second family.

[Anonymous]

The inheritance issue is really strange OP. To me, that would not figure in at all, mainly because who knows what will happen between now and then. I mean, if you don't have enough money now to feed, cloth, and potentially provide for another child that's important. An inheritance down the road? Not important.

I'm all for abortion rights, but that's a very strange reason.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

JFC she was using birth control. You act like she just winged it and figured what the hell. The vast majority of women simply use birth control and don't have their tubes tied. What a crock of crap you're trying to sell.

Are you stupid? If you never want to call pregnant, get your tubes tied. Stop siding with her JUST BECAUSE she’s female.

Are YOU stupid? Tubal ligations and vasectomies also fail. Where did I even mention siding with anyone based on gender? MOST women use birth control- how is that siding with her because she’s a woman?? You really aren’t that bright.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that men "change their minds" and decide they want a kid, then go off and work 40-50 hours week? They do not end op raising the kid! It is left up to the mom or a nanny.

If he wants the kid, he raises it. He can do part-time work, or be a stay at home dad. He had better take on the majority of the child -rearing.

You're awfully hostile. There are lots of good dads as well as sh@tyy mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The greatest gift I ever gave DC1 was a sibling. besides the lessons of learning that you are not the center of the universe, having a sibling (usually) provides support and family much longer than child years. aunts/uncles for your grandchildren, a shoulder to lean on for your DC1 when you and your DH pass.

do you want DC1 to really walk the path of life alone? Sure there are plenty of well adjusted only children in the world, but there are many who wish as adults they had a sibling.

of course it's great when it works out this way. but it also may not. they may not grow up liking each other. the new sibling may have special needs and demand a lot from the family and not be a shoulder to lean on. have more kids if you want to be a parent to 2 vs 1. don't have more kids for any other reason. it's unreliable. your only guarantee is one more child. nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s your body.

And her husband's baby and her DD's sibling.

Op can have the baby then divorce her husband. DH can raise their two children.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You could live to be 100 yrs old or older. Your kid better be able to support herself without the inheritance. Ultimately it is your choice. Make sure you are okay being a single parent though.

And your kid will have to take care of you all by herself.

Luckily when my mom was dying of breast cancer I had my sister around for support and to share the work load.

This is a dum reason to bring a "child" into this world. You have no idea if the siblings will get along. If they will want to help. There are so many reasons this is stupid.

Yes - much better to kill it. Maybe kill the DD also while there at it.

You are pro birth.

I'm saying it again Pro Choice is a choice. You don't want an abortion don't have one. You don't get to judge someone who does. Again get educated! It's called SCIENCE.

This is so stupid. Of course you can judge someone for having an abortion, even if you are generally accepting of abortion. Newsflash, people judge each other ALL THE TIME, and for reasons way less trivial than what the OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question of who gets “a say” is pointless. Anyone who finds themselves in OP’s position is going to consult their spouse and consider their feelings. I don’t think anyone is saying that OP’s spouse shouldn’t get to voice his opinion.

The real question is: when husband and wife disagree very strongly, whose vote gets more weight?

It sounds to me as if the spouse would be willing to completely raise the child, and OP would be able to walk away and not have anything to do with the child. If that is the situation, and there is no medical or health issues pertaining to her continuing this pregnancy, then it would be the height of selfishness for her to abort it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

NP, and no, it’s her body. The father should be consulted, but he’s not at risk of death if the pregnancy or birth goes wrong. The USA has the highest maternal death rate among developed countries, which is scandalous considering the wealth of its inhabitants. No woman should put herself at risk if she does not truly want her child. It’s not the man’s fight here.

These are FACTS. There is risk to pregnancy and childbirth that men cannot suffer from. Their preferences therefore cannot have equal weight as their wives’s.

+100 My pregnancy almost killed me. Not something any man has the equal right to decide about. I had birth trauma, almost didn't make it past breastfeeding and had severe PPD. My marriage didn't survive the child, because I realized I married a narcissistic a**. No man has the ability to decide for me that I'll put myself through all that again or worse.

Ok but OP hasn’t said anything indicating that there are any health risks pertaining to this pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your one child’s inheritance is your main concern? How about focusing on the great aspects of having a sibling instead.

My favorite saying about siblings: only your sibling will remember your childhood and what your parents were like as parents. Only siblings will ever know the whole story of your life intimately.

Plus my best friend in the world is an only child. Now that her parents are hitting their 80s, the burden of taking care of them is entirely on her. She has watched my siblings and me care for both of our parents through their final illnesses, and she is seeing her DH and their siblings cope with their parents. And she is alone in this burden. Both her DH and I are as helpful and supportive as we can be, but it’s not the same. It absolutely concerns me about what happens for her when they are gone, too. That’s far more important than an inheritance for a competent adult.

Having a sibling is not a reason for OP to continue the pregnancy.

But having her current only child have an inheritance is a reason to terminate??? Really? They are two sides of the same coin.

It doesn't matter what her reasons are. They are hers to decide. Her body, her choice, no judgement.

Why no judgement? People judge each other for their choices all the time. Why does abortion get a pass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

Yup. Lesson learned the hard way.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Of course it’s her choice. Everything anyone does is their choice. It doesn’t mean it’s not a selfish, sh***y choice. And hell yeah, I’m going to judge.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

You’re the one turning this into an abortion debate. We are all aware of what the law is, but we also know what’s involved in a healthy marriage. Those two things are not necessarily the same.

There is not a healthy marriage here. That ship passed a long time ago. Her DH said one and done. So why isn't he one and done???? That's not ok. Her DC now lives in a house with people walking on egg shells is that good of course not. Still doesn't change a thing. She and only she has a choice to make. It's not simple , it's hard. So, so hard. No other way to say it on an on line forum. She asked on Social Media! I repeat again Her Body Her Choice.

Saying one and done means that you don’t plan on trying to have more kids not that you would abort if there is an accidental pregnancy. I would say that I’m done at two, but if I somehow became pregnant again, I would certainly not abort it being that I’m financially stable and in a secure marriage. Sone saying they only want x number of kids is absolutely not the same as saying they would abort any unplanned pregnancy that might happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does DH support abortion in general?

No one supports abortion. People support abortion rights.

Funny. I simply say I support birth control, not I support the right to use birth control.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.