husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her body. Her choice.

And an incredibly selfish choice at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

In the old days, women would go to see their mother and mom would tell them where to find an illegal abortion, and then would stay with Mom until recovered. Either that or have the unwanted child and be bitter the rest of your life..

In “the old days” plenty of women viewed abortion as akin to murder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and divorce now because even if you decide to keep this baby, your husband will never be able to look at you the same way given you’ve said you’ll never love this child.
Options:
1. Abort, divorce, and share the child you already have
2. Stay together knowing you’ll resent the unwanted child
3. Have the baby and let your DH have your unwanted baby and share the wanted one (that shouldn't screw both kids up too much when that reasoning comes to light!)

She doesn't know. She may end up loving this child the same way as she loves her daughter.

She most likely will. How many people don’t end up loving their child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to terminate because your DD won’t get as much of an inheritance if you have the baby? No wonder your husband is threatening divorce. You guys need to talk to a therapist. It seems odd to me that an inheritance, many decades from now, is the first reason you cite.

She's rationalizing. She didn't want kids in the first place and compromised on one child for her DH's sake. She didn't want to be a mother in the first place and doesn't want to be a mother again at this point in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

I don’t think OP is a troll. I think that she is someone who didn’t want to be a mom in the first place and now that she is reluctantly a mom, thinks a big inheritance is all she has to offer her DD. I’m the poster who have gave up a $250k inheritance voluntarily. My dad saw it as compensation for my sh!tty childhood. The thought of what it took for him to amass that money made me angry and nauseated. I could not live with the karmic weight of it or what it said to him if I accepted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does DH support abortion in general?

No one supports abortion. People support abortion rights.

Funny. I simply say I support birth control, not I support the right to use birth control.

Saying you support birth control (or abortion) means that you think everyone should be on birth control (or have abortions). Obviously not true.
Saying you support the right to use birth control (or abortion) means that you support people's right to make their own decisions whether to use birth control (or have an abortion).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

In the old days, women would go to see their mother and mom would tell them where to find an illegal abortion, and then would stay with Mom until recovered. Either that or have the unwanted child and be bitter the rest of your life..

In “the old days” plenty of women viewed abortion as akin to murder.

In "the old days" of Western Culture a variety of treatments were used to bring on menstruation. Abortion wasn't viewed as abortion or murder or killing a fetus until after movement (quickening) was felt, which is around the 4th or 5th month of pregnancy. Nobody really felt too concerned about aborting a first trimester pregnancy. In the Middle Ages, the Christian Church treated pre-quickening abortion as a misdemeanor. That attitude prevailed well into the 19th century in Europe and the United States.

Early Christians did not view abortion as murder. An injury to a pregnant woman that caused miscarriage was a non-critical injury, unless the pregnant woman died. The fetus was NOT viewed as a person.

Ancient Greeks viewed fetuses as akin to plants and killing a fetus was permissible. Only after the fetus was born and drew a breath was it considered a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

I don’t the DH is being manipulative. I think he 100% means an abortion will destroy us. She has a legal right to abort. He has a legal right to a divorce. Everyone has their line drawn in the sand. His is the abortion of a child he wants. It’s unreasonable to expect that he’d want a child and be okay with the abortion. He’s not threatening to tie OP up in a basement for 9 months. He’s letting her know that the marriage is over if she proceeds. It would be cruel for him to pretend that he’ll be able to move on in the marriage if he knows he can’t. He’s given OP the info to make a fully informed decision. I think she already knows she’ll abort and just hopes DCUM will supply anecdotes of DHs who stayed and the marriage was saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

This. I can’t believe all the people calling OP selfish for wanting to use a constitutional right very early in her pregnancy. People do this all the time - and the lovely thing about the constitution is you can do it for any reason. Not wanting a baby - for whatever reason- is a plenty good reason.

The DH on the other hand is being a manipulative selfish a hole. He’s the bad guy in this scenario. Not OP. Now that OP knows it, regardless of her decision on this pregnancy, she needs to leave her husband because he’s emotionally horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

My sister had an abortion when she found out she was having a boy. She and her husband only want one child and they want that child to be a girl.

[Anonymous]

I'm saying it again Pro Choice is a choice. You don't want an abortion don't have one. You don't get to judge someone who does. Again get educated! It's called SCIENCE

I get to judge anyone I choose. Killing your baby is evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

In the old days, women would go to see their mother and mom would tell them where to find an illegal abortion, and then would stay with Mom until recovered. Either that or have the unwanted child and be bitter the rest of your life..

In “the old days” plenty of women viewed abortion as akin to murder.

In "the old days" of Western Culture a variety of treatments were used to bring on menstruation. Abortion wasn't viewed as abortion or murder or killing a fetus until after movement (quickening) was felt, which is around the 4th or 5th month of pregnancy. Nobody really felt too concerned about aborting a first trimester pregnancy. In the Middle Ages, the Christian Church treated pre-quickening abortion as a misdemeanor. That attitude prevailed well into the 19th century in Europe and the United States.

Early Christians did not view abortion as murder. An injury to a pregnant woman that caused miscarriage was a non-critical injury, unless the pregnant woman died. The fetus was NOT viewed as a person.

Ancient Greeks viewed fetuses as akin to plants and killing a fetus was permissible. Only after the fetus was born and drew a breath was it considered a person.

This. The whole abortion is murder movement is extremely recent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

This marriage is headed for divorce, either way, unless OP's husband changes his position. If I was presented with the choice of having a baby I didn't want or divorcing, I would have the abortion and divorce. If you have the baby, you're going to be miserable and want a divorce, because your husband manipulated you into something you didn't want. If you don't have the baby, your husband will divorce you. Might was well abort the pregnancy, divorce and get it over with. At least OP won't be divorced with a baby she didn't want.

Pregnancy poses health risks, including death. Every pregnancy can go wrong, sometimes at the last minute. Nobody gets to decide whent a woman should risk that, except the woman involved. And she can decide for any reason she chooses, because her life and health trumps what the husband wants or the life and health of a fetus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does DH support abortion in general?

No one supports abortion. People support abortion rights.

Funny. I simply say I support birth control, not I support the right to use birth control.

Saying you support birth control (or abortion) means that you think everyone should be on birth control (or have abortions)[b]. Obviously not true.
Saying you support the right to use birth control (or abortion) means that you support people's right to make their own decisions whether to use birth control (or have an abortion).

Of course it doesn’t. When hearing someone say they support birth control, no sane person would think that person thinks every person should be on birth control. Same with saying you support abortion. There’s not a person alive who would take that to mean that the person is saying that all pregnant women should have abortions.