Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you consider this rude, venturing upstairs uninvited, were you raised upper or middle class?

Both. My dad had a ton of money and was from an "important" family (in my hometown/state), but my mom didn't get much after the divorce.

In both my wealthy life and my middle-class life, I was taught that you never crossed personal boundaries unless invited.

Upper middle class. Even when we just visited my sister's family over Christmas, when we came over, we were entertained downstairs. Never once did my kids, my husband, or I find a need to go upstairs.

If you are having a hard time understanding this, imagine, maybe (?): old movies like "Little Women" or "Gone With the Wind" -- when those people went socializing, they're was a prescribed place to go and things to do. They certainly were not like, "Oh, gee, I think I needa hanky. Maybe I can find one in Beth's drawers. I am sure Marmie won't mind. She is off taking care of the Hummel children anyway."

(And, honestly, the Marches were poor. So I do not think it is a money thing. But, maybe an "old manners" thing.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I can see getting my own coat back if the host was not available to retrieve it for me. I didn't choose to put my belongings in that room and I actually do need my coat back.

I can not see taking a phone call or nursing a baby in the host's master bedroom w/o their permission. You always ask. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s a newfangled invention called a lock. Use it if you want to keep your bedroom a secret hideaway. Other people like to have their homes used visited by family and friends. My kids and their friends go upstairs all the time. I would much rather have kids playing in my house than attached to a phone in isolation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I host a lot, actually, and all these scenarios have happened in my home. With a quick and quiet word from my polite friends. When my friends ask to nurse, I make sure they know which room has a rocking chair and a boppy in the closet, and which one has a window seat, whatever they prefer. My friends rarely take or make calls during a party, but when they do, they make eye contact and indicate upstairs, to which I mouth, "Of course." This is the way people behave in polite society.

We never do, but if we were to put coats in a bedroom, we'd make sure everyone knew. As it is, we always make room in the downstairs coat closet before a party, and have standing coat rack in storage that we sometimes bring out for parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I can see getting my own coat back if the host was not available to retrieve it for me. I didn't choose to put my belongings in that room and I actually do need my coat back.

I can not see taking a phone call or nursing a baby in the host's master bedroom w/o their permission. You always ask. Always.

Newsflash: different people do things differently. It happens when there are 7 billion people on a planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s a newfangled invention called a lock. Use it if you want to keep your bedroom a secret hideaway. Other people like to have their homes used visited by family and friends. My kids and their friends go upstairs all the time. I would much rather have kids playing in my house than attached to a phone in isolation.

Right, after being invited up by my kids (or me), my guests are more than welcome to go upstairs.

No guest/kid guest has ever spent time on their phone at my house. How very odd. You must not be very entertaining, or you must have rude friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you consider this rude, venturing upstairs uninvited, were you raised upper or middle class?

Both. My dad had a ton of money and was from an "important" family (in my hometown/state), but my mom didn't get much after the divorce.

In both my wealthy life and my middle-class life, I was taught that you never crossed personal boundaries unless invited.

Upper middle class. Even when we just visited my sister's family over Christmas, when we came over, we were entertained downstairs. Never once did my kids, my husband, or I find a need to go upstairs.

If you are having a hard time understanding this, imagine, maybe (?): old movies like "Little Women" or "Gone With the Wind" -- when those people went socializing, they're was a prescribed place to go and things to do. They certainly were not like, "Oh, gee, I think I needa hanky. Maybe I can find one in Beth's drawers. I am sure Marmie won't mind. She is off taking care of the Hummel children anyway."

(And, honestly, the Marches were poor. So I do not think it is a money thing. But, maybe an "old manners" thing.)

It's just normal manners. I don't climb onto my host's dining room table and swing from their chandelier, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

What about one night stands? Booty calls? Mistresses? Pool boys? Do they get to go throughout the house and in your undie drawer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s a newfangled invention called a lock. Use it if you want to keep your bedroom a secret hideaway. Other people like to have their homes used visited by family and friends. My kids and their friends go upstairs all the time. I would much rather have kids playing in my house than attached to a phone in isolation.

Right, after being invited up by my kids (or me), my guests are more than welcome to go upstairs.

No guest/kid guest has ever spent time on their phone at my house. How very odd. You must not be very entertaining, or you must have rude friends.

You must be over the age of 90 if no guest has ever spent time on their phone at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I can see getting my own coat back if the host was not available to retrieve it for me. I didn't choose to put my belongings in that room and I actually do need my coat back.

I can not see taking a phone call or nursing a baby in the host's master bedroom w/o their permission. You always ask. Always.

Newsflash: different people do things differently. It happens when there are 7 billion people on a planet.

Well, when in Rome you do as the host says. If you are not absolutely positive that you have your host's permission to go into their private living quarters then you get permission before you go into their private living space.

You can go out to your own car to take a phone call in privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I can see getting my own coat back if the host was not available to retrieve it for me. I didn't choose to put my belongings in that room and I actually do need my coat back.

I can not see taking a phone call or nursing a baby in the host's master bedroom w/o their permission. You always ask. Always.

Newsflash: different people do things differently. It happens when there are 7 billion people on a planet.

If a nursing mom felt she needed my permission to find a quiet place in my house I would feel like she thought I was not a very welcoming person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

What about one night stands? Booty calls? Mistresses? Pool boys? Do they get to go throughout the house and in your undie drawer?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s a newfangled invention called a lock. Use it if you want to keep your bedroom a secret hideaway. Other people like to have their homes used visited by family and friends. My kids and their friends go upstairs all the time. I would much rather have kids playing in my house than attached to a phone in isolation.

Right, after being invited up by my kids (or me), my guests are more than welcome to go upstairs.

No guest/kid guest has ever spent time on their phone at my house. How very odd. You must not be very entertaining, or you must have rude friends.

You must be over the age of 90 if no guest has ever spent time on their phone at your house.

+1. Don’t you know any kids or adults with jobs? This might explain why your guests are the types who snoop through your underwear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s a newfangled invention called a lock. Use it if you want to keep your bedroom a secret hideaway. Other people like to have their homes used visited by family and friends. My kids and their friends go upstairs all the time. I would much rather have kids playing in my house than attached to a phone in isolation.

Right, after being invited up by my kids (or me), my guests are more than welcome to go upstairs.

No guest/kid guest has ever spent time on their phone at my house. How very odd. You must not be very entertaining, or you must have rude friends.

You must be over the age of 90 if no guest has ever spent time on their phone at your house.

Talking on your phone is not an excuse to invade your host's personal space. How ironic that you think you should be able to take your phone call in private while violating your host's personal space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

I can see getting my own coat back if the host was not available to retrieve it for me. I didn't choose to put my belongings in that room and I actually do need my coat back.

I can not see taking a phone call or nursing a baby in the host's master bedroom w/o their permission. You always ask. Always.

Newsflash: different people do things differently. It happens when there are 7 billion people on a planet.

If a nursing mom felt she needed my permission to find a quiet place in my house I would feel like she thought I was not a very welcoming person.

NP. Isn't that great for you? I would think she was a normal, polite person. Which is generally the type of person I associate with.

I nursed two babies, attended many events and holidays in people's homes with my babies, and never dreamed of entering a private room without speaking with my host or hostess first. Sometimes I was shown to a bedroom, sometimes a nursery, sometimes an office with a comfortable couch. Good thing I didn't presume and make a beeline to a bedroom when it turned out my host would rather have me use the private office.