Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

You're being dense. There's a big difference between coming upstairs to talk to someone hosting you and rooting through someone's underwear drawer. The fact that you can't see the difference is why so many people on this thread think there's someone nutty on this thread.

Your the one waxing poetic about sharing the intimacy of the private areas of your home and offering overnight guests expanded access to them. Are they out of line when they go into your underwear drawer looking for a pair of socks? Or are you fine with that sort of familiarity?

My underwear is clean. I don’t care. You need to do your laundry more often and find some friends who are less creepy who don’t go through your stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you consider this rude, venturing upstairs uninvited, were you raised upper or middle class?

Both. My dad had a ton of money and was from an "important" family (in my hometown/state), but my mom didn't get much after the divorce.

In both my wealthy life and my middle-class life, I was taught that you never crossed personal boundaries unless invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

You're being dense. There's a big difference between coming upstairs to talk to someone hosting you and rooting through someone's underwear drawer. The fact that you can't see the difference is why so many people on this thread think there's someone nutty on this thread.

Your the one waxing poetic about sharing the intimacy of the private areas of your home and offering overnight guests expanded access to them. Are they out of line when they go into your underwear drawer looking for a pair of socks? Or are you fine with that sort of familiarity?

My underwear is clean. I don’t care. You need to do your laundry more often and find some friends who are less creepy who don’t go through your stuff.

You're the one is inviting your friends to wander around in your master bedroom alone and you are the one who doesn't care if your friends go through your underwear drawer because your underwear is "clean"....and you think my friends are creepy? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

PP here - never happened so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

PP here - never happened so far.

If you don't mind Uncle Harold coming into your master bathroom to take a dump and maybe have a looksie into your medicine cabinet then that is truly all that matters. Do what you prefer.

My guests, including Uncle Harold, have a perfectly good (and private) guest bathroom that they can use. That's what I prefer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

Why would my friend want to go into my master bedroom? Unless I am actually showing her a new bedspread, window treatment or bath remodel I can think of no reason she would do that. And the same thing holds true for me. We both know that husbands sometimes leave their briefs laying on the bathroom floor or whiskers in the sink. We might have a pile of dirty laundry waiting to get done. Why would I purposely embarrass someone I LIKE by wandering into their bedroom like that? It just seems so nosy and intrusive to me and really, really disrespectful of my friend - even if they keep their rooms as neat as a pin, it is their private space.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are entitled to know if the dildos and bongs are kept in a locked container

[Anonymous]

You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when to grown adults invite their friends to hang out in their bedrooms? I haven't done anything like that since I was living in a dorm room. Even my first crappy group rental had a common area that we all hung out in.

I am trying to imagine dh & I having guests wandering in/out of our bedroom to "get stuff" and I just can not see that ever being o.k. And I mean ever.

Ok. Good for you. Other people have other experiences.

Cool. I've been in a lot of homes....enough to say that people traipsing into the host's private living areas is not normal.

I have friends that I got together with at least once a week and I don't think we ever went into each other's master bedrooms. We usually sat at a kitchen table drinking coffee, chatting and watching our kids play. I never once went through their medicine cabinets and I'm pretty positive that they never went through mine, either.

True friends don't pry and snoop like that. They just don't.

There’s a difference between entering someone’s bedroom and snooping through their drawers. Sorry you can’t see that and that you have such odd friends who go through your things. My friends wouldn’t do that.

What are you doing in their bedroom?

What are you doing in their bedroom that couldn't be achieved without a quick word to gain their permission?

Picking up their coats, nursing a baby, taking a phone call away from the noise of a party. These are all things my guests have done. You all must not host much. And if you do host and want to place restrictions on where people go, you do you. But it’s far from universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no business "entering someone's bedroom" w/o their express permission. Sorry you do not seem to get that. And, no, part of hosting is not all about giving up every bit of privacy that you have. Good grief.

Psst. There’s an invention called a lock. Use it if the idea of someone entering your chambers gives you such angst.