My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad the girl kicked your daughter's ass.

I don't advocate violence, but my kids know that if they are defending themselves or stopping a bully---go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad the girl kicked your daughter's ass.

I don't advocate violence, but my kids know that if they are defending themselves or stopping a bully---go for it.

And, my lord, if my kids did what your kid did---I would tell them they got what they deserved, that that behavior is not tolerated.

I always encourage my kids to not be a sheep and to stand up for victims. It's the way I was raised and I really believe there are people that are incapable of doing it for themselves---so others of us have to step up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter needs to find better friends. Other girls that won't push her to bully. Is she in any after-school activities?

If I were in the mother's shoes, I would put my daughter in a chess club or robotics class. One, it will allow her to interact with the "nerds" and two, it will get her more in touch with her cerebral side. She cares too much what other think of her and that is why she is bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

I am also a mother, so I understand that it's hard to see your child in pain. But you are not doing her any favors by going easy on her. Think about what kind of person you want her to grow into. You are running out of time to make that happen.

[Anonymous]

So many angry posts. Yes, OP' dd was wrong, yes spilling juice onto somebody's head is wrong. Kids make mistakes, people make mistakes. I think this thread is past the point of original post. Yes, OP needs to examine why her DD is a bully. But, honestly, so many pps sounds like insane bullies themselves. The picture I am getting in my head is of a lot of angry parents who have no ideas that they bully their own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

I am also a mother, so I understand that it's hard to see your child in pain. But you are not doing her any favors by going easy on her. Think about what kind of person you want her to grow into. You are running out of time to make that happen.

Wait - are you a single mom? You hadn't mentioned that before. That changes everything!

Gimme a break, OP. Stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

Of course it is hard. Very hard. Parenting is hard. Being a single mom is hard, but you know what? Doesn't change that you need to be showing some spine, and the evidence is you were not last night.

That is completely separate from questioning why on earth she was on social media last night.

Completely separate from seeking out ways to make a black eye less traumatic.

You have to parent here. That means serious punishment. That means working hard to get to the bottom of why she was bullying. That means working with her to figure out what it is to be a real friend and then doing that. That means standing beside her while she eats some serious humble pie.

It doesn't mean protecting her from some unpleasant days at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've worked with middle schoolers for a long time and see over and over again that the worst bullies are sanctimonious little angels around adults. They tend to be masters at playing the victim, poor me, I was just pulling a prank and she didn't understand. It's so much BS. When I have conferences among parents and students I see the accused bully's cry and cry and say they didn't mean their words to be interpreted as mean. It's infuriating to see their parents back them up and say, see she didn't mean any harm. Middle school girls can be truly awful and while I'm sorry your daughter got physically hurt, I do hope that she has learned something from this.

This. A huge kid and two friends followed my brother home from school and beat him up in our driveway when my brother was in middle school. My parents called the police, who ended up telling my parents that they believed the big kid's story that my brother started the fight because my brother "wouldn't look them in the eye" whereas the other kid would. Of course, my brother was furious, injured and appalled to be being asked to defend his behavior. He wasn't looking the police officers in the eye because as an adolescent boy he didn't want to cry in front of grown men. The lesson he learned was to learn to fight well, to hit first whenever possible and to always hit last.

Sadly, for many middle schoolers, violence IS the answer because so many adults are complicit in bullying.

[Anonymous]

I find it peculiar that there are so few helpful posts, and so many Monday Morning Quarterbacks who are judging OP for doing the best she can - for crying out loud, the school never even told OP about any sat incidents (probably for fear of being sued).

What if OP's child was YOUR child? It is not one way. This could be any parent. Furthermore, when your child is (to your knowledge) not the one being left out - well, all is okay in your eyes. See how that works?

By ganging up on OP, how does that make your behavior any better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've worked with middle schoolers for a long time and see over and over again that the worst bullies are sanctimonious little angels around adults. They tend to be masters at playing the victim, poor me, I was just pulling a prank and she didn't understand. It's so much BS. When I have conferences among parents and students I see the accused bully's cry and cry and say they didn't mean their words to be interpreted as mean. It's infuriating to see their parents back them up and say, see she didn't mean any harm. Middle school girls can be truly awful and while I'm sorry your daughter got physically hurt, I do hope that she has learned something from this.

This. A huge kid and two friends followed my brother home from school and beat him up in our driveway when my brother was in middle school. My parents called the police, who ended up telling my parents that they believed the big kid's story that my brother started the fight because my brother "wouldn't look them in the eye" whereas the other kid would. Of course, my brother was furious, injured and appalled to be being asked to defend his behavior. He wasn't looking the police officers in the eye because as an adolescent boy he didn't want to cry in front of grown men. The lesson he learned was to learn to fight well, to hit first whenever possible and to always hit last.

Sadly, for many middle schoolers, violence IS the answer because so many adults are complicit in bullying.

-1

NEVER hit first - that is where you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

I'm not using being a single mother as an excuse. I just need advice with something I've never dealt with before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many angry posts. Yes, OP' dd was wrong, yes spilling juice onto somebody's head is wrong. Kids make mistakes, people make mistakes. I think this thread is past the point of original post. Yes, OP needs to examine why her DD is a bully. But, honestly, so many pps sounds like insane bullies themselves. The picture I am getting in my head is of a lot of angry parents who have no ideas that they bully their own children.

x10000

PPs don't even see the forest for the trees. It sounds like many of them are making themselves very, very vulnerable to potentially enormous legal issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not using being a single mother as an excuse. I just need advice with something I've never dealt with before.

What do you think about my advice from above?

"If I were in the mother's shoes, I would put my daughter in a chess club or robotics class. One, it will allow her to interact with the "nerds" and two, it will get her more in touch with her cerebral side. She cares too much what others think of her and that is why she is bullying."