When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please explain why your needs should come before those of small children.

Who said anything about my needs come before those of small children ?
Because that suggests that some childcare need is going unmet, but that is not the case at all.
Every single reasonable need of the kids is being met.
And there is plenty of time left over for her needs and mine.

Are you meeting your wife's needs? Do you even know what they really are? Are you meeting your kids's needs? Or do you expect your wife to manage all of those needs (ie, do you know what need to be fed at what age? What size clothes and shoes they wear? When they need their nails trimmed? Do y have the schools' phone numbers on your cell phone? Do you know when their next check up at the peds office is due? Do you schedule those appointments, or do you expect your wife to know those?)

I do.all that and still find the 10 Minutes it takes to have sex with my husband and affection? Not very hard. You have to be a pretty cold and dead fish to not manage to muster some affection.

You all act like having sex is akin to ruuning a marathon. The above is a load of excuses. Your passion is dead. Your vagina is dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please explain why your needs should come before those of small children.

Who said anything about my needs come before those of small children ?
Because that suggests that some childcare need is going unmet, but that is not the case at all.
Every single reasonable need of the kids is being met.
And there is plenty of time left over for her needs and mine.

Are you meeting your wife's needs? Do you even know what they really are? Are you meeting your kids's needs? Or do you expect your wife to manage all of those needs (ie, do you know what need to be fed at what age? What size clothes and shoes they wear? When they need their nails trimmed? Do y have the schools' phone numbers on your cell phone? Do you know when their next check up at the peds office is due? Do you schedule those appointments, or do you expect your wife to know those?)

I do.all that and still find the 10 Minutes it takes to have sex with my husband and affection? Not very hard. You have to be a pretty cold and dead fish to not manage to muster some affection.

You all act like having sex is akin to ruuning a marathon. The above is a load of excuses. Your passion is dead. Your vagina is dead.

Exactly. If you wanted sex you'd make time. And sadly, for DHs everywhere, YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

You already made that dead between the legs jibe and no one cared then and no one cares now.

I certainly rattled you enough to respond.

Different PP here, but do you know the difference between "disagreeing" and "rattled"? Because it sounds like if anyone responds and disagrees with you, you think they're "rattled". Um, maybe we need to work on some basic vocab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

Then you'd still be wrong. And why isn't he taking care of his spouse's emotional needs? Because clearly he isn't.

How is this clear? Are you clairvoyant?

Well, let's see: 1) she used to be sexually interested and now she's pretty much asexual. That indicates that she has some physical or emotional needs that aren't being met, or her sexual function would be healthier. 2) His response to the situation is to call her fat and plan to leave her.
I can't know for sure, but I feel like it's a pretty safe bet.

[Anonymous]

You hardly even have to make time. At lease once a week we multitask and lock the bathroom door in the morning and shower together and have sex. We've been together 15yrs and at a minimum do it twice a week and it takes no more than 30min out of my week (and im being generous)...hardly a hardship.

I spend more time each week on this stupid fucking website.

Lame lame excuses. These people in these sexless marriages, I hoe, are getting laid on the side. What a horrible existance to have a passionless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

You already made that dead between the legs jibe and no one cared then and no one cares now.

I certainly rattled you enough to respond.

Different PP here, but do you know the difference between "disagreeing" and "rattled"? Because it sounds like if anyone responds and disagrees with you, you think they're "rattled". Um, maybe we need to work on some basic vocab.

What are you blathering on about again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please explain why your needs should come before those of small children.

Who said anything about my needs come before those of small children ?
Because that suggests that some childcare need is going unmet, but that is not the case at all.
Every single reasonable need of the kids is being met.
And there is plenty of time left over for her needs and mine.

Are you meeting your wife's needs? Do you even know what they really are? Are you meeting your kids's needs? Or do you expect your wife to manage all of those needs (ie, do you know what need to be fed at what age? What size clothes and shoes they wear? When they need their nails trimmed? Do y have the schools' phone numbers on your cell phone? Do you know when their next check up at the peds office is due? Do you schedule those appointments, or do you expect your wife to know those?)

I do.all that and still find the 10 Minutes it takes to have sex with my husband and affection? Not very hard. You have to be a pretty cold and dead fish to not manage to muster some affection.

You all act like having sex is akin to ruuning a marathon. The above is a load of excuses. Your passion is dead. Your vagina is dead.

You really don't know what you're talking about. I do all those things and have a very healthy sex life with my DH, but I went through a time when it wasn't that way. And I wasn't making excuses or having a dead vagina (are you 13, by the way? who talks like that?). Believe it or not, some people's lives are harder than yours. And some people's bodies work differently. Hormonal changes are a major bitch, especially as you approach 40, and especially if you have little kids. If my husband hadn't HELPED me through it, rather than judge me and be a completely selfish jerk, I wouldn't have been able to turn it around. It's not easy for everyone. But marriage means you pick up the burden when the other partner can't. It doesn't mean you just say "can't do your part? Then FU."
Unless that's the kind of marriage you want, which I guess it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

You already made that dead between the legs jibe and no one cared then and no one cares now.

I certainly rattled you enough to respond.

Different PP here, but do you know the difference between "disagreeing" and "rattled"? Because it sounds like if anyone responds and disagrees with you, you think they're "rattled". Um, maybe we need to work on some basic vocab.

What are you blathering on about again?

Good comeback. Really. You're a genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please explain why your needs should come before those of small children.

Who said anything about my needs come before those of small children ?
Because that suggests that some childcare need is going unmet, but that is not the case at all.
Every single reasonable need of the kids is being met.
And there is plenty of time left over for her needs and mine.

Are you meeting your wife's needs? Do you even know what they really are? Are you meeting your kids's needs? Or do you expect your wife to manage all of those needs (ie, do you know what need to be fed at what age? What size clothes and shoes they wear? When they need their nails trimmed? Do y have the schools' phone numbers on your cell phone? Do you know when their next check up at the peds office is due? Do you schedule those appointments, or do you expect your wife to know those?)

I do.all that and still find the 10 Minutes it takes to have sex with my husband and affection? Not very hard. You have to be a pretty cold and dead fish to not manage to muster some affection.

You all act like having sex is akin to ruuning a marathon. The above is a load of excuses. Your passion is dead. Your vagina is dead.

Exactly. If you wanted sex you'd make time. And sadly, for DHs everywhere, YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX.

No, not for DH's everywhere. I do want sex. And my DH gets lots of it. But I still agree with the PP you're disagreeing with. My DH gets it because he DOES recognize this stuff. He doesn't treat me like I exist solely to serve him. He treats me like a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

Then you'd still be wrong. And why isn't he taking care of his spouse's emotional needs? Because clearly he isn't.

How is this clear? Are you clairvoyant?

Well, let's see: 1) she used to be sexually interested and now she's pretty much asexual. That indicates that she has some physical or emotional needs that aren't being met, or her sexual function would be healthier. 2) His response to the situation is to call her fat and plan to leave her.
I can't know for sure, but I feel like it's a pretty safe bet.

Oh, so you're jist making a bunch of shit up. I see, I thought you had a crystal ball.

Maybe he should do Some chores. I hear That makes women really horney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hardly even have to make time. At lease once a week we multitask and lock the bathroom door in the morning and shower together and have sex. We've been together 15yrs and at a minimum do it twice a week and it takes no more than 30min out of my week (and im being generous)...hardly a hardship.

I spend more time each week on this stupid fucking website.

Lame lame excuses. These people in these sexless marriages, I hoe, are getting laid on the side. What a horrible existance to have a passionless marriage.

How many kids do you have? Were you doing it twice/week when they were infants? Did you have PPD? Have you been in perimenopause yet? Does your DH work 70 hours/week so you do all the household stuff, on top of your own job? Do your kids have any chronic health problems? Do you?
If not, then stop being so arrogant and assuming that because your life allows for morning shower sex, everyone's should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

You already made that dead between the legs jibe and no one cared then and no one cares now.

I certainly rattled you enough to respond.

Different PP here, but do you know the difference between "disagreeing" and "rattled"? Because it sounds like if anyone responds and disagrees with you, you think they're "rattled". Um, maybe we need to work on some basic vocab.

What are you blathering on about again?

Good comeback. Really. You're a genius.

Ha! my 12yr old said that just today! it's a classic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

Then you'd still be wrong. And why isn't he taking care of his spouse's emotional needs? Because clearly he isn't.

How is this clear? Are you clairvoyant?

Well, let's see: 1) she used to be sexually interested and now she's pretty much asexual. That indicates that she has some physical or emotional needs that aren't being met, or her sexual function would be healthier. 2) His response to the situation is to call her fat and plan to leave her.
I can't know for sure, but I feel like it's a pretty safe bet.

Oh, so you're jist making a bunch of shit up. I see, I thought you had a crystal ball.

Maybe he should do Some chores. I hear That makes women really horney.

No one said anything about chores. But if he's dumping all the management of everything on her, then, yeah, he should be an equal freaking partner. But there's something going on with her, and he's her husband. He should care enough to help fix it, FOR HER, not just for himself. Not so she's just giving him what he wants when she doesn't want it. She probably has some kind of hormonal stuff or depression or something. But he doesn't give a shit about that. He only cares he isn't getting any and she's too fat.
And, no, I'm not making anything up. I'm drawing conclusions based on what he (you?) have said about his life and his wife. If his representation is inaccurate, then that's on him. Where do you get your information? Do you know him personally? Otherwise, you're making statements based on the same set of info I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah...OP really steuck a nerve. 13 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs.

Actually, no. We have a great sex life, now. But for 2-3 years when the kids were little? Nope. Good when it happened, but not nearly frequent enough -- and it WAS me saying no. But thank GOD my DH is nothing like these losers spouting their childish, selfish, pathetic misogynistic crap. I could never respect someone like that. He saw it as our problem, and worked to try to help me get back to where we needed to be. Just like I worked with him when he had a hard time in another area of life. How do you not take care of the mother of your children? What kind of man behaves like that? She's going through something, so you bail. Nice vows. That's not a man. THat's not even an adult.

His kids are in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They are not little.

How do you not take care of your spouse at all? Does his emotional needs mean NOTHING.

I stand by my statement, but modify it to

Woah...OP really struck a nerve. 18 pages.

Me thinks many of you who are so upset are the spouse who is dead between the legs

You already made that dead between the legs jibe and no one cared then and no one cares now.

I certainly rattled you enough to respond.

Different PP here, but do you know the difference between "disagreeing" and "rattled"? Because it sounds like if anyone responds and disagrees with you, you think they're "rattled". Um, maybe we need to work on some basic vocab.

What are you blathering on about again?

Good comeback. Really. You're a genius.

Ha! my 12yr old said that just today! it's a classic!

What are you blathering on about again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hardly even have to make time. At lease once a week we multitask and lock the bathroom door in the morning and shower together and have sex. We've been together 15yrs and at a minimum do it twice a week and it takes no more than 30min out of my week (and im being generous)...hardly a hardship.

I spend more time each week on this stupid fucking website.

Lame lame excuses. These people in these sexless marriages, I hoe, are getting laid on the side. What a horrible existance to have a passionless marriage.

How many kids do you have? Were you doing it twice/week when they were infants? Did you have PPD? Have you been in perimenopause yet? Does your DH work 70 hours/week so you do all the household stuff, on top of your own job? Do your kids have any chronic health problems? Do you?
If not, then stop being so arrogant and assuming that because your life allows for morning shower sex, everyone's should.

3 and nobody is talking about infants. OP SAID SCHOOL AGED. And as a matter of fact one of my children has a rare medical condition and is monitored at the NIH, but that is irrelevant.

If your dh is working 70 hours and you have infants and have PPD and are entering in menopause, then yeah, you have a pretty shitty life right now.I'd hate my life if I were mid 40s with an infant.