Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

The thing here is that most guys want peace and quiet. Most women in the DMV are anything but peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm, as a 40-something woman, I'm not sitting at home watching Netflix and binging ice cream.

It's more like, with the vast majority of men, I have to take charge on everything. I have to suggest meeting up, plan the date, make sure it's something he enjoys, get ready for it, keep the conversation going, etc.

If I'm going to put that much effort into an outing, I'd rather go do something I like. Go take a yoga or a ballet class, go hiking, or check out a museum or something. Which not many men are interested in doing. And I don't really want to waste an entire evening at a restaurant I don't like all that much (WHY do so many men only want to eat bar food??)

When they do initiate and plan dates, it's usually pretty lackluster (and often very last-minute). The last guy who asked me out invited me over for dinner, where he served me a single chicken breast and nothing else, put a Netflix movie on, and then tried to grope me the entire time. Yuck.

When a guy can actually plan ahead, plan an interesting date that I'd enjoy, and not use it as a ploy to get laid, I'll happily go out with him. But bare minimum effort isn't worth my time, when I can be doing the things I actually enjoy.

If men stop dating me because that's "picky", that's fine. We're both happier not wasting each others' time.

If your dates are so lackluster, who's the common denominator? YOU. You're just like the rest of the lazy entitled broads to refuse to lift a finger in dating. You refuse to actually take the initiative and risk to ask a man out and yet you whine about how much effort they put into wooing you. Screw you.

If you actually read what I wrote instead of being triggered, you’d see that I said I have planned dates.

Usually, one of two things happens: they protest (that’s so boring, that’s so far away, etc), or they very clearly aren’t enjoying themselves and are tolerating it in hope of getting laid.

A few months ago, I had been texting with a guy for a couple weeks and suggested a date. He gave me the times he was free, so I planned something about halfway between us. He then went on a huge rant about how I don’t understand that he is extremely busy and couldn’t possible drive the 20 minutes it took to get there and I needed to plan something near him.

I would have been fine with a “hey, I’m pretty busy but I could do coffee for an hour at this shop down the road from me, see you at 2?” but he was quite rude about the entire thing and refused to offer alternatives after telling me he was free those times.

Shortly after, I arranged a date with a guy and took him on a hike I enjoy. He was clearly miserable the entire time, didn’t say a single word, whenever I tried to point out how pretty the fall leaves were or anything, he’d just mutter a “hm”.

Or even more I recently, I suggested meeting up to a guy and he responded that he wanted to keep texting to “get to know each other” and wouldn’t even do a phone call.

I actually *do* enjoy planning outings, but the majority of men mostly just want to text/sext indefinitely, and don’t seem to actually want to go do anything, they just want a quick and easy hookup.

If that’s all they’re looking for, that’s fine. I’m not trying to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to. But I’m also not going to waste my time and energy since we aren’t aligned on what we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:most guys want peace and quiet

OK boomer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently turned 37 last week, and life has been fantastic for me as a heterosexual male. I was fortunate enough to be raised by a tiger mom to do really well in school, learned a lot of lifetime hobbies growing up, and was blessed with good looks from my Caucasian father and Asian mother. I make over 700k/yr in Fintech, and with my work schedule, I spend whatever time I have outside of work on my hobbies, such as music (guitar), sport (swimming and pickleball), photography, and Iron Man training.

I start my workday at 7am, and leave work at 5pm. After work, I go to Lifetime to swim for 60 minutes, play Pickleball at Lifetime with my friends for another 90 minutes, have dinner at 8:30pm, practice music for 45 minutes, and bedtime after that. On the weekend, I do Iron Man training for upcoming Iron Man events. I have a brother who is two years younger than I am, and he was raised exactly the same way I did, and he got married at the age of 29. I have to make an appointment with him anytime we want to get together, and he stopped all of his hobbies, same as mine when we were growing up, after he and his wife had kids.

I dated beautiful women between the ages of 22 and 26, and they all wanted me to be exclusive with them. However, I told them that I want to be FWB because I love my single life. I do want to have kids someday, and I might pay someone to make that happen for me.

Ah, yes, because so many rich sexy single men training for Iron Mans hang out on a forum for middle aged moms.

That’s so laughable - doesn’t even know how to spell Ironman and does training for its “events” on the weekends. My boyfriend does Ironman, and he runs and rides a bike nearly daily and swims several days a week and most definitely doesn’t have time for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm, as a 40-something woman, I'm not sitting at home watching Netflix and binging ice cream.

It's more like, with the vast majority of men, I have to take charge on everything. I have to suggest meeting up, plan the date, make sure it's something he enjoys, get ready for it, keep the conversation going, etc.

If I'm going to put that much effort into an outing, I'd rather go do something I like. Go take a yoga or a ballet class, go hiking, or check out a museum or something. Which not many men are interested in doing. And I don't really want to waste an entire evening at a restaurant I don't like all that much (WHY do so many men only want to eat bar food??)

When they do initiate and plan dates, it's usually pretty lackluster (and often very last-minute). The last guy who asked me out invited me over for dinner, where he served me a single chicken breast and nothing else, put a Netflix movie on, and then tried to grope me the entire time. Yuck.

When a guy can actually plan ahead, plan an interesting date that I'd enjoy, and not use it as a ploy to get laid, I'll happily go out with him. But bare minimum effort isn't worth my time, when I can be doing the things I actually enjoy.

If men stop dating me because that's "picky", that's fine. We're both happier not wasting each others' time.

If your dates are so lackluster, who's the common denominator? YOU. You're just like the rest of the lazy entitled broads to refuse to lift a finger in dating. You refuse to actually take the initiative and risk to ask a man out and yet you whine about how much effort they put into wooing you. Screw you.

If you actually read what I wrote instead of being triggered, you’d see that I said I have planned dates.

Usually, one of two things happens: they protest (that’s so boring, that’s so far away, etc), or they very clearly aren’t enjoying themselves and are tolerating it in hope of getting laid.

A few months ago, I had been texting with a guy for a couple weeks and suggested a date. He gave me the times he was free, so I planned something about halfway between us. He then went on a huge rant about how I don’t understand that he is extremely busy and couldn’t possible drive the 20 minutes it took to get there and I needed to plan something near him.

I would have been fine with a “hey, I’m pretty busy but I could do coffee for an hour at this shop down the road from me, see you at 2?” but he was quite rude about the entire thing and refused to offer alternatives after telling me he was free those times.

Shortly after, I arranged a date with a guy and took him on a hike I enjoy. He was clearly miserable the entire time, didn’t say a single word, whenever I tried to point out how pretty the fall leaves were or anything, he’d just mutter a “hm”.

Or even more I recently, I suggested meeting up to a guy and he responded that he wanted to keep texting to “get to know each other” and wouldn’t even do a phone call.

I actually *do* enjoy planning outings, but the majority of men mostly just want to text/sext indefinitely, and don’t seem to actually want to go do anything, they just want a quick and easy hookup.

If that’s all they’re looking for, that’s fine. I’m not trying to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to. But I’m also not going to waste my time and energy since we aren’t aligned on what we want.

Oh why are you wasting your time on such men? They are either not interested in a relationship in general or don’t like you that much.

As a woman, when I became ready for a relationship, I decided that I want a man who takes initiative and is very much into me and is certain that he wants to be with me (and not five other women at the same time). On my profile, I specified what kind of man I’m looking for, including the “takes initiative” part, and actively monitored their enthusiasm. For example, if we matched at 3 pm and by 10 pm he didn’t say anything, I unmatched. Just didn’t want to waste my time on those who clearly don’t have time or energy for a relationship. Those who really liked me have made it very clear very quickly - and I didn’t need many, I needed only one, and I met him that way.

[Anonymous]

40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single man 40 here. I want children but dating has been such a slog that I’ve basically given up. I’m 6’1” and a Navy veteran. Currently making good money in defense tech. Healthy (lift and run regularly) with broad social life.

For some reason the women that I want aren’t interested in me. My hinge is set for 27-32 because I want children. Women closer to my age don’t interest me. I tried dating a few in the 35-43 range and they all struggled with vulnerability and emotional communication. May have been my filtering but these were all professional women who dedicated everything to their careers.

Recently I deleted my Hinge and stopped looking. I don’t want to be an old father. My best friends dad was in his 80s when we were in college and I don’t want that experience if I have children.

I don’t get lonely and I’m used to living alone. So dating is optional and less desirable for me now.

I was in your shoes and dating at 39.

Most of the women in the D.C. area seem to be struggling with one mental illness or another. Don’t need all that extra baggage before a relationship (potentially life-long) even gets started.

Also, from what I encountered, so many American women (at least around here) have other issues, not the least of which are their completely unrealistic expectations of men (their “6-6-6-6” rule, how 90% of women chase the top 5% of men and ignore the rest, etc.).

I lucked out. Married a terrific woman from Europe; one kid off to college in the Fall; another doing exceedingly well in HS. Have advised DS to try to marry a woman who was not raised in the USA.

I don't believe this. And you can't prove it

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

Most women don’t want an old dad..

We seem them on full display on our kids college campus..Move in and out day in particular.

Out of breath, can’t lift chit, asking all the younger fathers for help, complaining about their replaced knees.

Ehhhh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

Most women don’t want an old dad..

We seem them on full display on our kids college campus..Move in and out day in particular.

Out of breath, can’t lift chit, asking all the younger fathers for help, complaining about their replaced knees.

Ehhhh.

I mean, 40 isn't THAT old for a man to start a family, but I largely agree with you. The thing about these smug dudes who walk around talking about the "fertility wall" is that they assume the women all want what they have.

In reality, women in their 20s are going to be looking for men in their 20s and 30s, and the "highest status" women are meeting those men at graduate school and work, not on dating apps.

Women in their early 30s might be willing to look at a guy in his early 40s, but guys who walk around observing women's biological clocks are not generally that pleasant to be around.

If PP drags this out until he's like 45, the chances drop because THEN you are getting into "is this dude going to be around to see our kids graduate college" territory. Not to mention "what's the autism risk for a 45 year-old dad" territory.

[Anonymous]

The 6+ men I know absolutely have something wrong with them. They are single for a reason and should stay single.
The ones who once were in relationship, have learned their lesson. They are saddled with child support, debt, and have no time, energy, or money to date. They have added gaming to their life or whatever they do. They ones simply wish to get laid, but years go by without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

Most women don’t want an old dad..

We seem them on full display on our kids college campus..Move in and out day in particular.

Out of breath, can’t lift chit, asking all the younger fathers for help, complaining about their replaced knees.

Ehhhh.

I mean, 40 isn't THAT old for a man to start a family, but I largely agree with you. The thing about these smug dudes who walk around talking about the "fertility wall" is that they assume the women all want what they have.

In reality, women in their 20s are going to be looking for men in their 20s and 30s, and the "highest status" women are meeting those men at graduate school and work, not on dating apps.

Women in their early 30s might be willing to look at a guy in his early 40s, but guys who walk around observing women's biological clocks are not generally that pleasant to be around.

If PP drags this out until he's like 45, the chances drop because THEN you are getting into "is this dude going to be around to see our kids graduate college" territory. Not to mention "what's the autism risk for a 45 year-old dad" territory.

Absolutely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

You are a disgusting misogynist. Tons of women 35+ want children. If you aged out of your own dating pool then it’s on you to share all related birth defect risks with women. You want the redpill “ fresh womb” for your old sperm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

Whelp we figured out why he’s still single LOL.

Man’s gonna end up single and alone forever with no kids because he’s too stubborn and uneducated to date age-appropriate women. Ah well. Guess he could get a couple dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40 yo Navy vet PP here, my preference for 27-32 is because I want to have children. The women attacking me assume that I’m chasing looks or beauty, no.

I dated a woman my age for 4 years in my mid 30s. She didn’t want to have children and ended the relationship. I want a woman who wants to build a family together, not see family or children as side quest to her girlboss aspirations.

You can’t get around the fertility wall at 35. Sorry, biology and data speaks the truth here.

You are a disgusting misogynist. Tons of women 35+ want children. If you aged out of your own dating pool then it’s on you to share all related birth defect risks with women. You want the redpill “ fresh womb” for your old sperm

Old Sperm has me laughing out LOUD 😭😭😭

Thank You!!!

[Anonymous]

I think the "old sperm autism" theory is a bit overblown, especially compared to geriatric pregnancy and egg viability concerns which get worse at 35 for women.

Women have their preferences e.g., 6 figures, 6" doodad etc... but when men express preference it's the end of the world.