Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, youre saying that women 21 years and younger should be banned from having abortions, or sex, or having checking accounts, without a parent or guardians consent?

Perhaps it's people like yourself in higher ed, arrogant, condescending, but oblivious and useless, which contribute to the lack of maturity you claim to be prevalent.

Didn’t you see that my post was directed at both genders?
That aside, I think it’s adorable how you resort to insults rather than a substantive counter.

So you think neither men nor women age 21 or less should have any meaningful degree of personal autonomy? Guess that makes you an equal opportunity useless POS.

[Anonymous]

A certain percentage of eligible men see issues married men face and decide that it’s not worth it. It’s no different than a certain percentage of women doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fine. Especially if they’re clear up front they never want marriage or a family.

People with that belief should not have children or a spouse so that’s fine.

Opposite of certain religions and countries marrying young and having 3-4 kids per couple but selfish bachelors don’t care about anything except themselves right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A certain percentage of eligible men see issues married men face and decide that it’s not worth it. It’s no different than a certain percentage of women doing the same.

Yes, this. Marriage works for my spouse and me but there is a drudgery component that's not for everyone. And the incessant negotiating and compromising is exhausting. Particularly if you don't want kids, why bother? It isn't difficult to obtain sex or friendship these days. That's enough for many, with a nice big dose of freedom.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think the "old sperm autism" theory is a bit overblown, especially compared to geriatric pregnancy and egg viability concerns which get worse at 35 for women.

Women have their preferences e.g., 6 figures, 6" doodad etc... but when men express preference it's the end of the world.

The 6-6-6 thing is a lie made up by red pilled incels who have never actually spoken to a woman.

Time and again, women have explained what they want, but men would rather listen to other men about women's preferences.

To be fair, I think the “men want younger women for fertility” thing is also way overblown.

I mean, I’ve known men who didn’t know what labia were called or didn’t know that women can pee with tampons in. Yet these men are also experts in female fertility? I’m not buying it.


I also think most men don’t even care all that much about having their own kids. Most seem to do it because it’s expected, but I’ve only met maybe 2 men who REALLY wanted kids. The rest just sort of took them or left them.

Of course his “want kids” claim is simply to justify needing access to much younger body. He failed to commit to anyone in 20-30s when he was in that age group . Was parting, drinking and sleeping around with 20 yo “wh…res”. Now he wants a 27 yo “old virgin” to marry. Classic redpill toxic misogynist

Wonder how many age appropriate women he strung along and wouldn’t commit to in his 20s/early 30s. But now that he’s 40, he’s ready to settle down!! No old broads please!!

As a man I agree that it’s much better to date within your own age bracket and not to pursue younger women (who were in grade school when these men were in college). But I do have to point out that some of the salaries some women are describing as their minimums here are only achieved in the 40s and 50s… so if these 20- and 30-something women don’t want to live in what’s been described as “poverty” maybe their best option is a big law partner who spent his 30s grinding at work?

Or we could stop placing such a premium on being in the top 5% of earners and more value on personality and other life goals…

I have to think the women demanding high salaries are outliers that are over represented here and the internet at large. When I was in my 20s I and most of my friends dated men who were around our same age (maybe plus one or two years) and in a similar position in life. I did not know many women who were holding out for 666 or whatever, but I DID see plenty of examples of men wasting womens prime reproductive years and then not marrying them.

Also, I have been around the military and I find that most military men in their 20s don't have an issue finding a life. For plenty of women, they find it a good deal, especially if the woman is from an economically disadvantaged area around a military base. If this man is a he described, he could easily have married in his 20s.

Take some accountability. They wasted their own "primes" by not being decisive. You all go on and one about how women aren't bang maids or incubators and then also come out with this "prime reproductive years" crap. Which is it? Are you an empowered agent or not? Are you more than a babymaker or not?

Nobody owes you marriage. If that is what you're looking for, be decisive and go find it. Or stay single. Just spare us the constant moaning about your inability to take accountability and proactively build the life you want.

+1.
You cannot have it all. If you want to prioritize your prime reproductive years, date a man 5 years older. Why should a man put your prime reproductive years ahead of his prime career building years? Next thing he knows you are sad about not being able to take 5 months off with a newborn because you need both salaries to pay bills, or you are complaining about him working long hours and not supporting you enough with the baby.

You can choose to prioritize your career, and that is an excellent choice. But don't turn around and blame men for it.

Plenty of women have great careers and children.

Are they the ones moaning everywhere and blaming everybody but themselves for losing their "prime years"?

Sorry but these time wasting men who won’t commit in their 20s are a well known thing.

You're doing it again. If a woman is not being treated well or has a man "wasting her time" or not aligning with what goals she has for her life, she has every agency in the world to set boundaries and leave. Your time can only be "wasted" if you allow it. She should also fix her picker next time, be intentional about finding a marriage-minded man who aligns with her values and prioritize doing the things that need to be done in order to meet such a man during her "prime window".

I fully agree with this, as someone who wasted too much time in her 20s and lacked the self-awareness and self-confidence to make better, more pro-active choices. I fixed my picker at 30, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fine. Especially if they’re clear up front they never want marriage or a family.

People with that belief should not have children or a spouse so that’s fine.

Opposite of certain religions and countries marrying young and having 3-4 kids per couple but selfish bachelors don’t care about anything except themselves right now.

You forgot to include single mothers by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A certain percentage of eligible men see issues married men face and decide that it’s not worth it. It’s no different than a certain percentage of women doing the same.

Yes, this. Marriage works for my spouse and me but there is a drudgery component that's not for everyone. And the incessant negotiating and compromising is exhausting. Particularly if you don't want kids, why bother? It isn't difficult to obtain sex or friendship these days. That's enough for many, with a nice big dose of freedom.

I'm also deep into the early childhood years, and my relationship with my spouse is obviously nothing like it was when we were dating. But--like all parents--we're doing really important work raising the next generation of people who will take on responsibility in our society when we're no longer able to. Every time I think about how exhausted I am from my kids and how much more fun I could be having if I were single and free of responsibility, I try to remind myself that if I and all my fellow parents don't do a good job at this, there won't be anyone to take care of us when we're elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A certain percentage of eligible men see issues married men face and decide that it’s not worth it. It’s no different than a certain percentage of women doing the same.

Yes, this. Marriage works for my spouse and me but there is a drudgery component that's not for everyone. And the incessant negotiating and compromising is exhausting. Particularly if you don't want kids, why bother? It isn't difficult to obtain sex or friendship these days. That's enough for many, with a nice big dose of freedom.

I'm also deep into the early childhood years, and my relationship with my spouse is obviously nothing like it was when we were dating. But--like all parents--we're doing really important work raising the next generation of people who will take on responsibility in our society when we're no longer able to. Every time I think about how exhausted I am from my kids and how much more fun I could be having if I were single and free of responsibility, I try to remind myself that if I and all my fellow parents don't do a good job at this, there won't be anyone to take care of us when we're elderly.

That's a reasonable position but, in the throes of it, you can see why others would decline to make that choice, right? I personally don't care if there is anyone to take care of me when I'm elderly and have seen many an elder be let down by their kids in this regard. I also know truly wonderful single parents, who are doing just fine on their own. I don't have the energy for that, and neither does DH, so our partnership worked for us well enough in the childraising years. But I see other paths as being perfectly valid, especially on an overpopulated planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fine. Especially if they’re clear up front they never want marriage or a family.

People with that belief should not have children or a spouse so that’s fine.

Opposite of certain religions and countries marrying young and having 3-4 kids per couple but selfish bachelors don’t care about anything except themselves right now.

You forgot to include single mothers by choice.

What about them?

They clearly want and have a family and care for their family members. Many even marry years after having a child, which makes their nuclear family bigger.

[Anonymous]

My son is a young adult, who has no interest in dating right now. His career path is all-consuming and he simply doesn't have the time or energy to put into a serious relationship. We believe he'll get there when the time is right and, fortunately for him, he has plenty of time. He may or may not want marriage and kids though, which is fine. We hope he'll have love and friendship in his life, that's all. As long as he's happy and fulfilled. He's not obligated to provide grandchildren etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A certain percentage of eligible men see issues married men face and decide that it’s not worth it. It’s no different than a certain percentage of women doing the same.

Yes, this. Marriage works for my spouse and me but there is a drudgery component that's not for everyone. And the incessant negotiating and compromising is exhausting. Particularly if you don't want kids, why bother? It isn't difficult to obtain sex or friendship these days. That's enough for many, with a nice big dose of freedom.

Having a loyal, loving, caring and supportive partner makes life easier, more so when you are down, ill or aging.

[Anonymous]

My brothers fit this profile but I don't necessarily think they're representative of a broader social trend. There's a lot of neurodivergence at play.

One brother has autism at a level where he can't work or live on his own, and dating isn't something he has the independence and capacity for. I think this is deeply sad because he doesn't want to be single and childless.

The other has severe ADHD and had just gotten himself together with a career in his 30s. Now he has switched careers. He is pretty self-reflective about not wanting to have to support other people. I think he'd be down for a partner who was fully independent and didn't "need" him, but since he doesn't prioritize kids, he doesn't have to prioritize serious dating. There is plenty of opportunity for unserious dating and hookups where he lives.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:For 35 plus and divorced men, flirting and asking someone out is really high stakes stuff. Most people are at work at that stage in life, which is where you meet people. But if a man gets that wrong and gets shot down for a coffee, that can be pretty darn devastating for careers and the work environment. So most men won't engage with colleagues these days.

So that leaves online, which has its issues.

If looking for a partner, I don't think this is a man or woman issue. We don't seem to have neutral third spaces where people can meet each other organically. But the costs are much higher for men who choose to flirt these days. So any man that has professional ambitions shuts that down. The risk-reward calculation is very unfavorable. Even when they really like someone. Don't go there is what every ambitious man has internalized.

And the apps are garbage these days. So, many men are checked out. Not because they don't want to meet a partner, but because there are few healthy and interesting ways to get to know someone in a non-dating context.

So men choose careers where they have no time after work and then whine about not having time to meet women. Got it. If everyone refused to work 60 hour weeks, 3 employees would have to do the work currently done by w employees, and these men would have more time. But nope, men want to work "hard" because money is e erything. Yet money cannot buy them partners. Poor men. Booboo!

Men believe “money is everything” because women tell them money is everything.

There are countless examples, as you know. Countless.

Here is an older one: Have you seen this?

"an older one" "have you seen this" - if you haven't seen or know this video I don't know what to tell you LOL

Hahaha I could sing the chorus but I never saw the video because my mom blocked MTV and VH1. If you refer to it as "an older one" and don't know it, you're probably....young.