Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that surprising that a man who got married at 18 (!!) wanted to live a little.

I wonder if this is a troll. Sounds very trollish. In-laws picking you up at the airport?

If you’re not a troll you need to establish some boundaries and cut the apron strings.

We got married at 26. Dated since 18. We have 2 little ones that need car seats and couldn't take a cab/uber so they picked us up in our car with the seats. Wish I was a troll.

Of course you have a reason. But you just deal with it and hire a car service with car seats. You don’t have your parents or his parents picking you up.

Your parents don't pick you up at the airport? Mine always do, and I do the same for them.

[Anonymous]

omg .... it's not like every loving family does this

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with family members picking up other family members from the airport. Some families do it, some don't. No need to do a psychological examination of the practice.

[Anonymous]

They dropped us off at the airport when we left as a happy family and kept our car to pick us up. Didn't know that was so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They dropped us off at the airport when we left as a happy family and kept our car to pick us up. Didn't know that was so weird.

It's not weird at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They dropped us off at the airport when we left as a happy family and kept our car to pick us up. Didn't know that was so weird.

It's not weird at all!

Agree. Dysfunctional, selfish people have zero idea what a normal, loving family looks like and does. Yes, you can be in a loving family that uses Uber and doesn't have family do pick-ups. But, it is completely normal for a family to offer and want to do it. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just cannot process. Our day to day was so happy. Family dance parties in the living room, playing cards after the kids go to bed, regular date nights, waking up early to have coffee in the sunroom together before the kids get up, sneaking out for lunches together during the work day, enjoying home projects and gardening and cooking together. More than a fair division of household and childcare labor. Never argued, never fought, listened to each others opinions. Collaborated on kid issues. Encouraged each others hobbies and friendships. Picked up quite a few shared hobbies.

My brain cannot compute.

You don't mention anything sexual or exciting. You sound like good friends, not lovers.

We have regular sex (1-2x a week) it is mostly at predictable times when the kids go to bed but we are both working full time with two little kids. I thought that was pretty average or possibly even "good".

Been there! We not only spent all our free time doing things together, hobbies, sports, outings, restaurants, Tv, etc. etc. but sex 4-5 times a week that was mostly great. Even so, he responded to a coworker who came on to him (he didn't tell me this, someone else did) and was less attractive than me but she liked to get high and I don't. She represented variety but also a source of painkillers, which I didn't know would be a lure to him. That relationship could not be and was not saved. Just saying, sometimes it all defies logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re presumably in a country with attractive men, yes?

Go out and have sex with one of those French or Italian hotties. Hell, just tell your H you are and stay in a different hotel for an evening so he thinks you are. Fair’s fair.

God- posts like this our ridiculous.

She is staying with her parents. And, someone going through immense trauma and shock and loved their spouse doesn't immediately go--I'm going out to find some strange. Be blindsided in a long marriage with kids like that is so mindblowing you can't even put one foot in front of the other immediately, it feels like all the air went out of your body and you are going to throw up. Your head is spinning in outer space. The last thing sane and normal people do is run out looking to act the same. That is a response from a cheater or dysfunctional person. Most people don't change their inner/value lifelong morals because of what someone else did. No sinking to that level.

[Anonymous]

^are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just cannot process. Our day to day was so happy. Family dance parties in the living room, playing cards after the kids go to bed, regular date nights, waking up early to have coffee in the sunroom together before the kids get up, sneaking out for lunches together during the work day, enjoying home projects and gardening and cooking together. More than a fair division of household and childcare labor. Never argued, never fought, listened to each others opinions. Collaborated on kid issues. Encouraged each others hobbies and friendships. Picked up quite a few shared hobbies.

My brain cannot compute.

You don't mention anything sexual or exciting. You sound like good friends, not lovers.

We have regular sex (1-2x a week) it is mostly at predictable times when the kids go to bed but we are both working full time with two little kids. I thought that was pretty average or possibly even "good".

Been there! We not only spent all our free time doing things together, hobbies, sports, outings, restaurants, Tv, etc. etc. but sex 4-5 times a week that was mostly great. Even so, he responded to a coworker who came on to him (he didn't tell me this, someone else did) and was less attractive than me but she liked to get high and I don't. She represented variety but also a source of painkillers, which I didn't know would be a lure to him. [b] That relationship could not be and was not saved. Just saying, sometimes it all defies logic.

they are looking for an escape from themselves and their life in times of self loathing/midlife. they usually pick someone completely different, or whatever strange is available. that is part of the allure. the person is also completely disposable to them. immaturity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that surprising that a man who got married at 18 (!!) wanted to live a little.

I wonder if this is a troll. Sounds very trollish. In-laws picking you up at the airport?

If you’re not a troll you need to establish some boundaries and cut the apron strings.

If I had local in laws, they'd 100% pick us up from the airport. My own parents let us use one of their cars when we visit. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that surprising that a man who got married at 18 (!!) wanted to live a little.

I wonder if this is a troll. Sounds very trollish. In-laws picking you up at the airport?

If you’re not a troll you need to establish some boundaries and cut the apron strings.

We got married at 26. Dated since 18. We have 2 little ones that need car seats and couldn't take a cab/uber so they picked us up in our car with the seats. Wish I was a troll.

Of course you have a reason. But you just deal with it and hire a car service with car seats. You don’t have your parents or his parents picking you up.

She has a supportive family, sorry that you don’t have one.

[Anonymous]

We got married at 26. Dated since 18. We have 2 little ones that need car seats and couldn't take a cab/uber so they picked us up in our car with the seats. Wish I was a troll.


Of course you have a reason. But you just deal with it and hire a car service with car seats. You don’t have your parents or his parents picking you up.

WHT kind of dysfunctional family do you come from? And why is it any of your business to comment on how OP and her family get home from the airport? Go crawl back under your rock and hang out alone without the family support you clearly lack.

[Anonymous]

You don't mention anything sexual or exciting. You sound like good friends, not lovers.


We have regular sex (1-2x a week) it is mostly at predictable times when the kids go to bed but we are both working full time with two little kids. I thought that was pretty average or possibly even "good".

OP, your view of marriage is MUCH healthier than the PP's who focused on sex only. What you described is a marriage built on a strong foundation that includes sex but not as the primary thing in common - in other words, a marriage built to last. That's why what your DH did is so traumatic. I really do believe it is compartmentalization and extremely poor coping skills, together with a lack of boundaries. All can be fixed, but your DH has to do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re presumably in a country with attractive men, yes?

Go out and have sex with one of those French or Italian hotties. Hell, just tell your H you are and stay in a different hotel for an evening so he thinks you are. Fair’s fair.

God- posts like this our ridiculous.

She is staying with her parents. And, someone going through immense trauma and shock and loved their spouse doesn't immediately go--I'm going out to find some strange. Be blindsided in a long marriage with kids like that is so mindblowing you can't even put one foot in front of the other immediately, it feels like all the air went out of your body and you are going to throw up. Your head is spinning in outer space. The last thing sane and normal people do is run out looking to act the same. That is a response from a cheater or dysfunctional person. Most people don't change their inner/value lifelong morals because of what someone else did. No sinking to that level.

PP. Actually, I was cheated on by my H. I didn't sleep for days. Tried to make it work but cheaters don't change.

In retrospect, I wish that's exactly what I had done. Gone out and slept with someone right under his nose. Give him a taste of what I felt.