I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High schoolers do not need someone to stay home with them when sick. High schoolers do not need someone to make their lunches.

Not usually, but they need someone to pick them up from school when sick, take to urgent care, buy the prescription. I did things like that for myself when I was a driving, older teen for small things like strep or ear infections. I wasn't doing that by myself at ages 14-16. And you know what? I don't WANT my kids to have to stay home alone all day when they feel truly terrible with a stomach virus or the flu. I'm still their mom; caring for them is still my job.

The problem with these arguments is when one makes the case for having one parent at home, many working moms seem to interpret that as saying a sahm is absolutely NECESSARY, and then get defensive. Yes, you can do everything a sahm does even though you work FT. Awesome. Own that choice but don't belittle the family who finds great benefit to having one sahp.

The truth is, having one parent at home or working pt does make life EASIER, and has benefits to the kids, mom, and dad. AND ALSO, having two working parents can make life easier in many ways due to the increased income and can be beneficial to the kids, mom, and dad for a variety of great reasons.

This isn't directed to the pp I quoted, but to others: IF a sahm disparages your decision to work, unleash your beast and defend your decision. If a sahm describes the benefits of staying home, don't get defensive because that's not about you.
-SAHM turned WOHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, we actually bought a house that was affordable to us and was only twice our HHI at the time. We knew that the curriculum of the entire district (MCPS) was substandard compared to our own home country. Private schools were even more disappointing. So it was obvious that we would be supplementing at home. Opting for an Elementary Title 1 school for our children was not a problem because we are not scared of diversity, and in early ES were happy that our kids were not in a bubble. The resources and funding available for Title 1 schools resulted in my kids getting accelerated and differentiated in early ES. Since I was extremely clued in about how to navigate the path to the best education in the county, our children got into the magnet track from elementary school onwards and both are in magnet high schools in highly selective STEM programs. We did not spend any money through K-12 for them to get an excellent education. No, prep company cost either To date, my kids have applied to all magnet programs they have been eligible for and have got into all. We also did not pay for a just-ok small house that was priced high because it was in a W-school district in MCPS.

Since we are a donut hole family, we were able to save for 8 years of college for both kids, with a limit of maximum of $50K per year for each- which is around $800K. None of this would be possible if we had bought a house in an expensive neighborhood with highly rated schools. We believe that schools do not produce high achievers. High achievers are produced in homes that value high academic achievement. Did not hurt that DH and I, both are academically high achieving, even if our HHI is not top 1% but top 3%.

I guarantee you that your magnet school is full of children of two working parents who somehow didn't suffer from lack of extra help with bum-wiping. I mean if you made more money you would be able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood AND save for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.

Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.

OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!

OP is making $150k-170k in a stable job that is good for his family. People take huge pay cuts to get these kind of jobs because they are secure and they set you up well. Despite the prevailing opinion on this board that OP is in a joke of a job, feds can tell you that it is always easy to get OR be a GS-15. OP is most likely a supervisor and probably has at least some work stress, not to mention the burden of being the only breadwinner, and people are treating him like a complete moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.

Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.

OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!

For all you know, he was the best his wife could get. It's not like you have any idea of her dating choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

DP. No SAHM I know in real life is this entitled and dedicated to hamstringing their teenagers the way some of these posters are. If their DH was stressed and they could work, they would, without question. Maybe these are Russian trolls trying to encourage raising helpless and incompetent American teens. I know no SAHM like this in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

There is a bunch of gleeful WOHMs who are arguing that they are equal partners to their husbands because they are earning money. Obviously, they do not being any value to the marriage and family if they do not get a paycheck. The reality is probably that they are just married to low earners and they were also limited in their choice when they started to look for a partner. This seems to be the case for OP and his wife too. I predict that this marriage will end in divorce and their financial life will become worse.

[Anonymous]

OP's wife is a SPEECH THERAPIST.

School-based speech therapists have summers off and teacher's holidays. And their hours depend on the school's hours.

Stop saying OP's wife would never be able to help her kids with doctor's appointments and stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High schoolers do not need someone to stay home with them when sick. High schoolers do not need someone to make their lunches.

Not usually, but they need someone to pick them up from school when sick, take to urgent care, buy the prescription. I did things like that for myself when I was a driving, older teen for small things like strep or ear infections. I wasn't doing that by myself at ages 14-16. And you know what? I don't WANT my kids to have to stay home alone all day when they feel truly terrible with a stomach virus or the flu. I'm still their mom; caring for them is still my job.

The problem with these arguments is when one makes the case for having one parent at home, many working moms seem to interpret that as saying a sahm is absolutely NECESSARY, and then get defensive. Yes, you can do everything a sahm does even though you work FT. Awesome. Own that choice but don't belittle the family who finds great benefit to having one sahp.

The truth is, having one parent at home or working pt does make life EASIER, and has benefits to the kids, mom, and dad. AND ALSO, having two working parents can make life easier in many ways due to the increased income and can be beneficial to the kids, mom, and dad for a variety of great reasons.

This isn't directed to the pp I quoted, but to others: IF a sahm disparages your decision to work, unleash your beast and defend your decision. If a sahm describes the benefits of staying home, don't get defensive because that's not about you.
-SAHM turned WOHM.

OP is a parent too. It's a parent's job to care for their children. There's nothing about taking care of a sick child that requires a female vs. a male.

If a family finds great benefit in a SAHM, that's great. OP's family doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.

Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.

OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!

OP is making $150k-170k in a stable job that is good for his family. People take huge pay cuts to get these kind of jobs because they are secure and they set you up well. Despite the prevailing opinion on this board that OP is in a joke of a job, feds can tell you that it is always easy to get OR be a GS-15. OP is most likely a supervisor and probably has at least some work stress, not to mention the burden of being the only breadwinner, and people are treating him like a complete moron.

**NOT always easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.

Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.

OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!

For all you know, he was the best his wife could get. It's not like you have any idea of her dating choices.

OMG..you are right. They both settled. That cow should get back to full time work and earn her keep!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

There is a bunch of gleeful WOHMs who are arguing that they are equal partners to their husbands because they are earning money. Obviously, they do not being any value to the marriage and family if they do not get a paycheck. The reality is probably that they are just married to low earners and they were also limited in their choice when they started to look for a partner. This seems to be the case for OP and his wife too. I predict that this marriage will end in divorce and their financial life will become worse.

There is no shame in that. Not everyone can marry a high earner. There's clearly many more women who'd like to marry high earners than there are high earners.

Everyone is limited in their choice of partner. I mean it's not like you could marry ANYONE in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, we actually bought a house that was affordable to us and was only twice our HHI at the time. We knew that the curriculum of the entire district (MCPS) was substandard compared to our own home country. Private schools were even more disappointing. So it was obvious that we would be supplementing at home. Opting for an Elementary Title 1 school for our children was not a problem because we are not scared of diversity, and in early ES were happy that our kids were not in a bubble. The resources and funding available for Title 1 schools resulted in my kids getting accelerated and differentiated in early ES. Since I was extremely clued in about how to navigate the path to the best education in the county, our children got into the magnet track from elementary school onwards and both are in magnet high schools in highly selective STEM programs. We did not spend any money through K-12 for them to get an excellent education. No, prep company cost either To date, my kids have applied to all magnet programs they have been eligible for and have got into all. We also did not pay for a just-ok small house that was priced high because it was in a W-school district in MCPS.

Since we are a donut hole family, we were able to save for 8 years of college for both kids, with a limit of maximum of $50K per year for each- which is around $800K. None of this would be possible if we had bought a house in an expensive neighborhood with highly rated schools. We believe that schools do not produce high achievers. High achievers are produced in homes that value high academic achievement. Did not hurt that DH and I, both are academically high achieving, even if our HHI is not top 1% but top 3%.

I guarantee you that your magnet school is full of children of two working parents who somehow didn't suffer from lack of extra help with bum-wiping. I mean if you made more money you would be able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood AND save for college.

Yeah, sure. But we are very stress-free household, which works for us. I do have a wonderful SFH in a nice neighborhood, except it does not have highly ranked schools due to the demographics. Anyways, that is a moot point, since my kids went to magnet school, we did not lose out in schooling and I really like the kids that they go to school with and socialize with. Public school ratings are the main reason for paying exorbitant prices for the W-school homes, is it not? I have a wonderful spacious house with a lovely huge yard and neighbors that I like. Our HHI would have gone from 350K to 400K even if I made 100K (because taxes when filing jointly, outsourcing stuff and other costs of working) and somehow that was not worth it for us in terms of stress or additional income. Besides, it is easy for us to go on vacations because I do not have to take leave from work and can take my kids with me during their break, even if DH is unable to join us for the full duration of our vacation.

I think, once both my kids are in college, who knows? I might pick up an insanely low paying but highly satisfying and morally uplifting non-profit work. For right now - we have low overheards, we save a huge amount of our income for retirement and college, our kids are getting the best education, we have an awesome house, our lifestyle have some luxurious perks without breaking bank - vacations, 1 or 2 semi-expensive hobbies, cleaning lady, ECs for kids. I think we have reached the balance that many people try for. I am ok with not living a jet-setting country club lifestyle or buying designer purses and luxury cars because it would mean either going back to work or my DH working more. In the end, I do not value these things over time, peace of mind and stress-free harmonious family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, we actually bought a house that was affordable to us and was only twice our HHI at the time. We knew that the curriculum of the entire district (MCPS) was substandard compared to our own home country. Private schools were even more disappointing. So it was obvious that we would be supplementing at home. Opting for an Elementary Title 1 school for our children was not a problem because we are not scared of diversity, and in early ES were happy that our kids were not in a bubble. The resources and funding available for Title 1 schools resulted in my kids getting accelerated and differentiated in early ES. Since I was extremely clued in about how to navigate the path to the best education in the county, our children got into the magnet track from elementary school onwards and both are in magnet high schools in highly selective STEM programs. We did not spend any money through K-12 for them to get an excellent education. No, prep company cost either To date, my kids have applied to all magnet programs they have been eligible for and have got into all. We also did not pay for a just-ok small house that was priced high because it was in a W-school district in MCPS.

Since we are a donut hole family, we were able to save for 8 years of college for both kids, with a limit of maximum of $50K per year for each- which is around $800K. None of this would be possible if we had bought a house in an expensive neighborhood with highly rated schools. We believe that schools do not produce high achievers. High achievers are produced in homes that value high academic achievement. Did not hurt that DH and I, both are academically high achieving, even if our HHI is not top 1% but top 3%.

I guarantee you that your magnet school is full of children of two working parents who somehow didn't suffer from lack of extra help with bum-wiping. I mean if you made more money you would be able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood AND save for college.

Yeah, sure. But we are very stress-free household, which works for us. I do have a wonderful SFH in a nice neighborhood, except it does not have highly ranked schools due to the demographics. Anyways, that is a moot point, since my kids went to magnet school, we did not lose out in schooling and I really like the kids that they go to school with and socialize with. Public school ratings are the main reason for paying exorbitant prices for the W-school homes, is it not? I have a wonderful spacious house with a lovely huge yard and neighbors that I like. Our HHI would have gone from 350K to 400K even if I made 100K (because taxes when filing jointly, outsourcing stuff and other costs of working) and somehow that was not worth it for us in terms of stress or additional income. Besides, it is easy for us to go on vacations because I do not have to take leave from work and can take my kids with me during their break, even if DH is unable to join us for the full duration of our vacation.

I think, once both my kids are in college, who knows? I might pick up an insanely low paying but highly satisfying and morally uplifting non-profit work. For right now - we have low overheards, we save a huge amount of our income for retirement and college, our kids are getting the best education, we have an awesome house, our lifestyle have some luxurious perks without breaking bank - vacations, 1 or 2 semi-expensive hobbies, cleaning lady, ECs for kids. I think we have reached the balance that many people try for. I am ok with not living a jet-setting country club lifestyle or buying designer purses and luxury cars because it would mean either going back to work or my DH working more. In the end, I do not value these things over time, peace of mind and stress-free harmonious family life.

Oh my lord. Your story isn’t even relevant to the OP who is probably just trying to break $200k by asking his wife to work. Your story about your amazing SAHM life with your $350k “modest” earning husband has literally nothing to do with or any perspective to add to OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, we actually bought a house that was affordable to us and was only twice our HHI at the time. We knew that the curriculum of the entire district (MCPS) was substandard compared to our own home country. Private schools were even more disappointing. So it was obvious that we would be supplementing at home. Opting for an Elementary Title 1 school for our children was not a problem because we are not scared of diversity, and in early ES were happy that our kids were not in a bubble. The resources and funding available for Title 1 schools resulted in my kids getting accelerated and differentiated in early ES. Since I was extremely clued in about how to navigate the path to the best education in the county, our children got into the magnet track from elementary school onwards and both are in magnet high schools in highly selective STEM programs. We did not spend any money through K-12 for them to get an excellent education. No, prep company cost either To date, my kids have applied to all magnet programs they have been eligible for and have got into all. We also did not pay for a just-ok small house that was priced high because it was in a W-school district in MCPS.

Since we are a donut hole family, we were able to save for 8 years of college for both kids, with a limit of maximum of $50K per year for each- which is around $800K. None of this would be possible if we had bought a house in an expensive neighborhood with highly rated schools. We believe that schools do not produce high achievers. High achievers are produced in homes that value high academic achievement. Did not hurt that DH and I, both are academically high achieving, even if our HHI is not top 1% but top 3%.

I guarantee you that your magnet school is full of children of two working parents who somehow didn't suffer from lack of extra help with bum-wiping. I mean if you made more money you would be able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood AND save for college.

Yeah, sure. But we are very stress-free household, which works for us. I do have a wonderful SFH in a nice neighborhood, except it does not have highly ranked schools due to the demographics. Anyways, that is a moot point, since my kids went to magnet school, we did not lose out in schooling and I really like the kids that they go to school with and socialize with. Public school ratings are the main reason for paying exorbitant prices for the W-school homes, is it not? I have a wonderful spacious house with a lovely huge yard and neighbors that I like. Our HHI would have gone from 350K to 400K even if I made 100K (because taxes when filing jointly, outsourcing stuff and other costs of working) and somehow that was not worth it for us in terms of stress or additional income. Besides, it is easy for us to go on vacations because I do not have to take leave from work and can take my kids with me during their break, even if DH is unable to join us for the full duration of our vacation.

I think, once both my kids are in college, who knows? I might pick up an insanely low paying but highly satisfying and morally uplifting non-profit work. For right now - we have low overheards, we save a huge amount of our income for retirement and college, our kids are getting the best education, we have an awesome house, our lifestyle have some luxurious perks without breaking bank - vacations, 1 or 2 semi-expensive hobbies, cleaning lady, ECs for kids. I think we have reached the balance that many people try for. I am ok with not living a jet-setting country club lifestyle or buying designer purses and luxury cars because it would mean either going back to work or my DH working more. In the end, I do not value these things over time, peace of mind and stress-free harmonious family life.

Congratulations on being perfect, making perfect decisions, and living the perfect life. Also, you staying home is 100% the reason for your kids’ success. They’d be low-IQ high school dropout teen parents if you hadn’t been home at 3pm everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

There is a bunch of gleeful WOHMs who are arguing that they are equal partners to their husbands because they are earning money. Obviously, they do not being any value to the marriage and family if they do not get a paycheck. The reality is probably that they are just married to low earners and they were also limited in their choice when they started to look for a partner. This seems to be the case for OP and his wife too. I predict that this marriage will end in divorce and their financial life will become worse.

There is no shame in that. Not everyone can marry a high earner. There's clearly many more women who'd like to marry high earners than there are high earners.

Everyone is limited in their choice of partner. I mean it's not like you could marry ANYONE in the world.

True. High earning males also have more choice in the kind of wives they want and they usually get that. Usually, these men are not driven by their wives paycheck but by their education and professional credentials more. I think average janes and joes need to figure out what their lives will be like and have an honest conversation about it. Lack of money is really not a good look in life.