I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

You're both losers. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

If you have kids in high school when you are in your 60s it's not really your spouse's fault if you have to work until you keel over dead and don't get to enjoy any retirement.

PP. was that directed at me or OP? My coworkers kids are out of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she contributes, just not as much as she ought to.

LOL

I find it very interesting that WOHMs do not respect SAHMs work. Just like SAHMs do not respect WOHMs not raising their own kids or being there for them. I guess everyone is correct.

Obviously, OP's wife is not the usual DCUM wealthy SAHM. She is married to a whiny loser who could not hack it financially.

If being a SAHM is a job then like most things you must apply and qualify. She didn’t obtain the job of marrying someone who could financially support her staying home forever. Thus, she can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You still have kids at home. To you it’s a no-brainer. For her - it will turn her whole world upside down. Will the kids come home to an empty house? Are they old enough to drive themselves to practices? Are you prepared to miss work to cover 50% of the crap that comes up during the day that she’s likely been covering herself for years? What do the kids do all summer while school’s out?

When a mom goes back to work FT after 15 years, everyone suffers a little bit. It will be a big adjustment for the whole family.

There’s more to life than money. Personally I’d rather eat beans than be forced back to work FT against my will so my teens can go home to an empty house from 2-6 every day. It’s not about keeping up with the rainmaker friends. It’s about maintaining connections with the kids while they’re still at home. They’re only under your roof for a couple more years. Can’t you catch up on savings once the kids are gone?

Catch up saving for college after they're all gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

You TOLD her what?
Perhaps learn to discuss things like an adult, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

I would ask your HR shop to “run your numbers” to show you what retirement will look like. If you don’t want to go to HR check the annual TSP form which estimates the monthly amount you would receive from the annuity. You can do the math on your pension which can give you that estimate too - you can find how to do that on the OPM.gov web site. I have coworkers supporting their parents - it is important to have an honest conversation about finances. She may very well think you have more than you do. The other thing is start managing expectations with your kids. Our family will pay for NOVA or Montgomery College. There are no loans for retirement- she might not want to work now but does she want to work when she’s 75 and the money is gone? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

This is tough. I think the OP should be honest with his wife about his expectations. Bitterness seems to motivate him but the issue has reached the dealbreaker level for him so it must be discussed. He should also think about this in the context of the overall marital quality of life. If she gets the better-paying job will that solve all the problems? Does his wife seem content in the marriage? If not, she simply has no incentive to accede to his demands. She may also get the joy and then divorce him 4 years later. Is that what he really wants? You try to make changes for a person you want to stay with.

[Anonymous]

Oh. This discussion needs to be put in the backburner. There is Coronavirus all over now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh. This discussion needs to be put in the backburner. There is Coronavirus all over now...

It was. Until your trolling bumped it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. This discussion needs to be put in the backburner. There is Coronavirus all over now...

It was. Until your trolling bumped it.

Too much about CV. Lets go back to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. This discussion needs to be put in the backburner. There is Coronavirus all over now...

It was. Until your trolling bumped it.

Too much about CV. Lets go back to the OP.

I agree let’s get an update from OP

[Anonymous]

Ask DW to offer childcare for people who cannot telework. This is the time to make out like bandits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask DW to offer childcare for people who cannot telework. This is the time to make out like bandits.

Take advantage of your fellow human. Plus, no amount of money will help if one of your neighbor"s kids gives you covid-19

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

I would ask your HR shop to “run your numbers” to show you what retirement will look like. If you don’t want to go to HR check the annual TSP form which estimates the monthly amount you would receive from the annuity. You can do the math on your pension which can give you that estimate too - you can find how to do that on the OPM.gov web site. I have coworkers supporting their parents - it is important to have an honest conversation about finances. She may very well think you have more than you do. The other thing is start managing expectations with your kids. Our family will pay for NOVA or Montgomery College. There are no loans for retirement- she might not want to work now but does she want to work when she’s 75 and the money is gone? Good luck!

A lot of seniors are working in their 70's, not by choice but to pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You still have kids at home. To you it’s a no-brainer. For her - it will turn her whole world upside down. Will the kids come home to an empty house? Are they old enough to drive themselves to practices? Are you prepared to miss work to cover 50% of the crap that comes up during the day that she’s likely been covering herself for years? What do the kids do all summer while school’s out?

When a mom goes back to work FT after 15 years, everyone suffers a little bit. It will be a big adjustment for the whole family.

There’s more to life than money. Personally I’d rather eat beans than be forced back to work FT against my will so my teens can go home to an empty house from 2-6 every day. It’s not about keeping up with the rainmaker friends. It’s about maintaining connections with the kids while they’re still at home. They’re only under your roof for a couple more years. Can’t you catch up on savings once the kids are gone?

Catch up saving for college after they're all gone?

You should be saving since they were born. That's what we did. By high school, depending on income, but at OP income level he should have $100K+ for each child saved. Kids go to their state school. Middle/high school kids need their parents more, not less than when they are little. They will not remember you home when they are little but they will elementary through high school.