I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s wild everyone assumes a housekeeper is a given. We make $300k combined, both work full time, kids are in elementary. No housekeeper. Why on earth do you just assume that is a necessary expense?

Sorry OP. Your wife is lazy.

DP I think you are really being unfair to the wife. It isn't like she doesn't have a job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also wonder why everyone assumes OPs wife is doing all these wonderful things for the home and for the dc. She might be but she might not. I was sah at least 6 years and so spent a lot of time with other SAHs. Not all had immaculate or even clean houses, not all were reading, singing, playing with dc, not all cooked or cooked very often, not all took care of themselves, etc.

I’m sure the spouse of topic is lovely and likely does an amazing job but we really don’t know. Just another perspective to the “ she can’t possibly work because who would do all the amazing things she does.” Just like WOH we are all different so what works for one does not for another. Not knowing their situation we don’t know if would be better, worse, same.

The only way to have immaculate house is if that is the only thing you do each day. Life is too short for that.

[Anonymous]

Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

If you have kids in high school when you are in your 60s it's not really your spouse's fault if you have to work until you keel over dead and don't get to enjoy any retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

His wife has a job!

She doesn’t make as much money as he would like... My guess is that OP doesn’t make as much money as she would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

Do she take care of the home? Do you need her to take on more of the homemaking tasks off your hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

His wife has a job!

She doesn’t make as much money as he would like... My guess is that OP doesn’t make as much money as she would like.

His wife works at most four hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, one of my GS-15 coworkers who is in his 60s is currently looking for a job in the private sector after decades as a fed because he was in the same situation you are in. I don’t think it is fair for either partner to expect the other to literally work until they keel over dead before returning to work.

His wife has a job!

She doesn’t make as much money as he would like... My guess is that OP doesn’t make as much money as she would like.

His wife works at most four hours a week.

That's just a figure someone made up. The rate people pay for speech therapy does not reflect the total profit of the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder how often OP was up in the middle of the night feeding infants and changing diapers...

Why is that important? Kids are in high school now. You think two years of diaper changes should buy a lifetime of idleness?

This is the essence of alimony. On spouse (somehow) managed to "earn" the privilege of not working while getting paid to do nothing by their ex-spouse, whom (under court order) must work until an old age, keeping only a portion of his income. At least his ex should still come over and do the laundry and gift him the occasional BJ, I mean that is the "standard of living" that should be maintained right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP realizes how age discrimination comes into play. Yes, dw might have a part-time job. If she can parlay that into a FT job at her current employer ... great. Otherwise, there will be few options on the outside for a middle-aged woman who has been on the mommy part-time track.

You can't have your cake and eat it too OP. DW did the kid stuff and that hurt her career. Don't blame her for society's hatred of women. And,I'm someone who has worked FT all throughout.

Good lord she's a speech language pathologist. Can we read the details and tailor the responses?

We had about 10-12 SLPs for my kid's speech therapy over the years, as different people got assigned to us by the county, first by FC then the school system. In that field, she does not matter as much. Think about it, their knowledge and skills don't go out of date. Most were way older (50+), and some were (60+). There was one in her 40s who did PT as she had a 12 year old. I used to think, this job is pretty nice/compatible with raising kids, why couldn't I have chosen this kind of job instead of my current one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder how often OP was up in the middle of the night feeding infants and changing diapers...

Why is that important? Kids are in high school now. You think two years of diaper changes should buy a lifetime of idleness?

This is the essence of alimony. On spouse (somehow) managed to "earn" the privilege of not working while getting paid to do nothing by their ex-spouse, whom (under court order) must work until an old age, keeping only a portion of his income. At least his ex should still come over and do the laundry and gift him the occasional BJ, I mean that is the "standard of living" that should be maintained right?

This is why you shouldn’t get married. Men always get the raw end of the deal. I hate women like this. I think there should be no more alimony. It’s the woman’s choice to be a SAHM, and it’s not his problem if they get divorced and she ends up with nothing. Maybe she should get a job like her husband did to support her selfish and greedy a**.

[Anonymous]

Does she have to ramp up right to full time? Why not 25-30 hours a week? It isn't like you need the health insurance. You can have a discussion about finances and instead of saying I need you to work full time, say can we talk about you increasing your hours for all of the reasons you stated initially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course she contributes, just not as much as she ought to.

LOL

I find it very interesting that WOHMs do not respect SAHMs work. Just like SAHMs do not respect WOHMs not raising their own kids or being there for them. I guess everyone is correct.

Obviously, OP's wife is not the usual DCUM wealthy SAHM. She is married to a whiny loser who could not hack it financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder how often OP was up in the middle of the night feeding infants and changing diapers...

Why is that important? Kids are in high school now. You think two years of diaper changes should buy a lifetime of idleness?

This is the essence of alimony. On spouse (somehow) managed to "earn" the privilege of not working while getting paid to do nothing by their ex-spouse, whom (under court order) must work until an old age, keeping only a portion of his income. At least his ex should still come over and do the laundry and gift him the occasional BJ, I mean that is the "standard of living" that should be maintained right?

This is why you shouldn’t get married. Men always get the raw end of the deal. I hate women like this. I think there should be no more alimony. It’s the woman’s choice to be a SAHM, and it’s not his problem if they get divorced and she ends up with nothing. Maybe she should get a job like her husband did to support her selfish and greedy a**.

You sound very bitter. So sorry your life sucks. Who are you? A low earning, unattractive InCel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do wonder how often OP was up in the middle of the night feeding infants and changing diapers...

Why is that important? Kids are in high school now. You think two years of diaper changes should buy a lifetime of idleness?

Ugh...procreating with a cretin like OP should be considered a lifetime hardship. Now, if she decides not to work or divorce his whiny low earning beta male a$$ - her prerogative.