I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

Congratulations on being perfect, making perfect decisions, and living the perfect life. Also, you staying home is 100% the reason for your kids’ success. They’d be low-IQ high school dropout teen parents if you hadn’t been home at 3pm everyday.

Thank you. Yes, being perfect, making perfect decisions and living perfect life and making sure my kids are successful...probably did prevent my kid from being high school dropout teen parents who sell themselves on the street-corner. Maybe they would have been suicidal too or cutting themselves? Bulimic? Anorexic? Vaping? Who knows.

I don't agree with you though on them being low-IQ. That is largely genetics and nature. They were born intelligent. And nurture made sure that they did not muck that up. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said wife made $18k last year. Let's be very, very generous.... Say she works 45 weeks a year. Because heaven forbid her HS kids be alone for a few hours during xmas or summer break.

$18k over 45 weeks a year is $400 a week. We've hired speech solo practitioner speech therapists in DC. Ones who weren't part of the big shops and didn't have the same well known name, but we liked them. So they were cheaper than the big shops. If i recall 5 years ago they were charging $150/hr in DC. So very, very conservatively let's say OP's wife charges $100/hr. So she's currently working FOUR HOURS A WEEK?? what the hell? Get a job!

You dont know the facts so guessing is pointless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

Congratulations on being perfect, making perfect decisions, and living the perfect life. Also, you staying home is 100% the reason for your kids’ success. They’d be low-IQ high school dropout teen parents if you hadn’t been home at 3pm everyday.

Thank you. Yes, being perfect, making perfect decisions and living perfect life and making sure my kids are successful...probably did prevent my kid from being high school dropout teen parents who sell themselves on the street-corner. Maybe they would have been suicidal too or cutting themselves? Bulimic? Anorexic? Vaping? Who knows.

I don't agree with you though on them being low-IQ. That is largely genetics and nature. They were born intelligent. And nurture made sure that they did not muck that up. YMMV.

I bet you’re fun at parties.

[Anonymous]

To get this thread back on rails -

OP, you and your wife need to come up with a plan together. Change the tone of how you converse with her about this and figure this out jointly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, we actually bought a house that was affordable to us and was only twice our HHI at the time. We knew that the curriculum of the entire district (MCPS) was substandard compared to our own home country. Private schools were even more disappointing. So it was obvious that we would be supplementing at home. Opting for an Elementary Title 1 school for our children was not a problem because we are not scared of diversity, and in early ES were happy that our kids were not in a bubble. The resources and funding available for Title 1 schools resulted in my kids getting accelerated and differentiated in early ES. Since I was extremely clued in about how to navigate the path to the best education in the county, our children got into the magnet track from elementary school onwards and both are in magnet high schools in highly selective STEM programs. We did not spend any money through K-12 for them to get an excellent education. No, prep company cost either To date, my kids have applied to all magnet programs they have been eligible for and have got into all. We also did not pay for a just-ok small house that was priced high because it was in a W-school district in MCPS.

Since we are a donut hole family, we were able to save for 8 years of college for both kids, with a limit of maximum of $50K per year for each- which is around $800K. None of this would be possible if we had bought a house in an expensive neighborhood with highly rated schools. We believe that schools do not produce high achievers. High achievers are produced in homes that value high academic achievement. Did not hurt that DH and I, both are academically high achieving, even if our HHI is not top 1% but top 3%.

I guarantee you that your magnet school is full of children of two working parents who somehow didn't suffer from lack of extra help with bum-wiping. I mean if you made more money you would be able to afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood AND save for college.

Yeah, sure. But we are very stress-free household, which works for us. I do have a wonderful SFH in a nice neighborhood, except it does not have highly ranked schools due to the demographics. Anyways, that is a moot point, since my kids went to magnet school, we did not lose out in schooling and I really like the kids that they go to school with and socialize with. Public school ratings are the main reason for paying exorbitant prices for the W-school homes, is it not? I have a wonderful spacious house with a lovely huge yard and neighbors that I like. Our HHI would have gone from 350K to 400K even if I made 100K (because taxes when filing jointly, outsourcing stuff and other costs of working) and somehow that was not worth it for us in terms of stress or additional income. Besides, it is easy for us to go on vacations because I do not have to take leave from work and can take my kids with me during their break, even if DH is unable to join us for the full duration of our vacation.

I think, once both my kids are in college, who knows? I might pick up an insanely low paying but highly satisfying and morally uplifting non-profit work. For right now - we have low overheards, we save a huge amount of our income for retirement and college, our kids are getting the best education, we have an awesome house, our lifestyle have some luxurious perks without breaking bank - vacations, 1 or 2 semi-expensive hobbies, cleaning lady, ECs for kids. I think we have reached the balance that many people try for. I am ok with not living a jet-setting country club lifestyle or buying designer purses and luxury cars because it would mean either going back to work or my DH working more. In the end, I do not value these things over time, peace of mind and stress-free harmonious family life.

What does your example offer to OP exactly? If he made 350K, he wouldn't be posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

Even though the kids aren’t even at home. Excellent logical reasoning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

It’s all the SAHMs that say they can’t possibly go back to work because the have to do things like “manage the lawn service.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.

For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THIS THREAD IS BONKERBALLS!

How is anyone standing in defense of the wife?? Are we all being trolled by russian bots??

There's a bunch of SAHM on here who are arguing that they are staying at home in order to save their children from a life of drug use and delinquency.

Even though the kids aren’t even at home. Excellent logical reasoning!

Maybe that is the real reason they are still at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.

For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.

From scratch, Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What does your example offer to OP exactly? If he made 350K, he wouldn't be posting.

Well, we would be broke on 350K if we were not living WAY BELOW our means. You can make $150 and amass wealth. My posting is about making some sacrifices and prioritizing where to put resources. I know enough people on our HHI who are living from paycheck to paycheck.

To be middle aged and not be able to afford retirement and college? That is piss poor planning for a family with a DH who is low earner and a SAHM. I cannot even imagine the kind of stress and acrimony is there in his household right now. Obviously his marriage is shit too right now because who talks about his wife so disparagingly? I am sure his kids are not happy either.

OP's problem is not just financial. Nothing seems to be working in his life. His relationship with his wife is also terrible. No. No sympathy for this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.

For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.

From scratch, Wow!

Yeah. Shop in Costco and Aldis. Can you imagine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.

For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.

Wow! Me too!! I throw a killer dinner party every couple weeks, all cooked from scratch. And i made $450k last year!

But you were also able to wrap children's presents. Damn. I guess that's why my kids are addicted to opioids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP - I think the issue is that this us being framed as all or nothing “go back to work full time”

Are there any things your wife can do to increase her income and only bring her hours up to day 30?

If she starts her own business can she charge more per hour? Can she hire another speech therapist to work under her? Just trying to think out of the box here because I have to imagine there are ways for a very skilled person to make more per hour without signing up for completely full time.

Finally, how about framing this as temporary push for her to help with college so she can feel like the hero? It might me more palatable for her to think about it that way instead of as “going back to work full-time” with no end in sight.

Well OP is working full-time with no end in sight and somehow doesn't faint.

OP is a low earning male. He should have not had more kids than he could provide for. Or should have married someone who agreed to work full time and was ok with 1 kids. Does not sound like a intelligent male and I am not surprised he is earning what he is earning. Sorry, must suck to be this man's wife!!

OP is making $150k-170k in a stable job that is good for his family. People take huge pay cuts to get these kind of jobs because they are secure and they set you up well. Despite the prevailing opinion on this board that OP is in a joke of a job, feds can tell you that it is always easy to get OR be a GS-15. OP is most likely a supervisor and probably has at least some work stress, not to mention the burden of being the only breadwinner, and people are treating him like a complete moron.

I just don't understand why this isn't enough money. OP is a low earning make at $150,000? DCUM is such a bubble. We both work and I wish I didn't have to, but together we still only make $200,000 which after taxes and commuting expenses among other costs for driving help etc. is probably much less than what OP makes. Since when is this a low salary for a family? We live in one of the most expensive areas in the DMV too. Cut out some of your expenses first. Make a case for how much you need to save and then look at another job if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Only poor middle aged people should post on this thread. Preferably those with - teen kids who are pregnant, sexless marriages, wives who are unattractive/obese, husbands who have ADHD and porn addiction and ILs who are freeloaders.