I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

[Anonymous]

Tell her divorce, or she works. I am a female and I can not imagine not pulling my weight financially in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

[Anonymous]

Lay out the budget and show her that there's a shortage and that you're living very tight. Maybe then she'll get the picture. Right now it just sounds like she's being bratty and selfish and probably doesn't want to be the wife in her friend group who HAS to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her divorce, or she works. I am a female and I can not imagine not pulling my weight financially in a relationship.

+100

[Anonymous]

Being super involved with the kids doesn't mean you do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, doctors appointments, etc. She isn't going tome that much going back after 15 years. At best she will probably make $40-45K and after taxes and paying for a housekeeper and someone to do what she does, it will be less than you think. Why don't you get a better job? I don't get how you cannot live off $150-170+ or how ever much you make when many of us do it comfortably and save for college. Stop spending so much.

If she's smart she'd divorce you and get child support and alimony.

[Anonymous]

Can she really make that much? I had two masters and never cracked 50k. It sounds like if she worked full time that is about what she would make. Her salary would go to the commute and take out unless the kids make dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

Or, he could get a better paying job. That is what my husband did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

She can live on her own $18k income after her husband divorces her, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she really make that much? I had two masters and never cracked 50k. It sounds like if she worked full time that is about what she would make. Her salary would go to the commute and take out unless the kids make dinner.

If she makes $18 part time she'll make $40, maybe 50K. After taxes, a housekeeper and extra expenses due to work it may not be as much as he thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

She can live on her own $18k income after her husband divorces her, then.

They have kids. She'd get child support and possibly alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

Or, he could get a better paying job. That is what my husband did.

You don't understand. My husband is FINE with this situation. He's been refusing to budge for years. This is why it's maddening.
And he doesn't help around the house either.

[Anonymous]

I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

[Anonymous]

I just ramped up to fulltime (but summers off) from part-time. It’s hard!! But college tuition for one and 529 for other has to be done. I understand her procrastination though. Once you’ve been home for your kids it’s hard to go back. I miss the cheery Hellos to my DCs as they walk in the door from school. It’s priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she really make that much? I had two masters and never cracked 50k. It sounds like if she worked full time that is about what she would make. Her salary would go to the commute and take out unless the kids make dinner.

If she makes $18 part time she'll make $40, maybe 50K. After taxes, a housekeeper and extra expenses due to work it may not be as much as he thinks.

Not everyone has a housekeeper, Gardner, etc. They will be fine without those things.... She needs to help towards the children college, their own retirement, etc. What is wrong with people not contributing to their own life?