Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be incredibly rude to wander into bedrooms, etc. I’m shocked to hear people think this is how you act in someone’s home.

Do you never go to large parties? There's no way a first floor has enough bathrooms for all the guests.

Then you still ASK the hosts. So someone knows you’re up there, can give you directions, can warn you that someone is changing or nursing, ask you to wait 2 minutes, etc.

I hope you don't host a lot of parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bizarre. We have friends we are quite close with. Went to their house numerous times over a four-year time span when we were in the same city. Never once saw their upstairs. Wouldn't occur to me to go up there.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be incredibly rude to wander into bedrooms, etc. I’m shocked to hear people think this is how you act in someone’s home.

Do you never go to large parties? There's no way a first floor has enough bathrooms for all the guests.

Then you still ASK the hosts. So someone knows you’re up there, can give you directions, can warn you that someone is changing or nursing, ask you to wait 2 minutes, etc.

I hope you don't host a lot of parties.

I hope you don’t attend a lot of parties. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be incredibly rude to wander into bedrooms, etc. I’m shocked to hear people think this is how you act in someone’s home.

Do you never go to large parties? There's no way a first floor has enough bathrooms for all the guests.

Then you still ASK the hosts. So someone knows you’re up there, can give you directions, can warn you that someone is changing or nursing, ask you to wait 2 minutes, etc.

I hope you don't host a lot of parties.

I hope you don’t attend a lot of parties. -np

I actually do. And guests go all over the house because that's what happens when a large number of people are in a house, particularly with kids. Clutch your pearls and learn that not everyone has the same ideas around hosting that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

You're being dense. There's a big difference between coming upstairs to talk to someone hosting you and rooting through someone's underwear drawer. The fact that you can't see the difference is why so many people on this thread think there's someone nutty on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

You allowing your guests into your room to watch t.v. WITH you and to use your laptop with your permission are different than finding a guest coming out of your master bedroom walk in closet.....or finding a guest sitting at your computer reading your emails or rifling through a pile of mail you have on a table.

If you invite people in that is one thing. If you find them roaming around your bedroom that is quite another especially if you catch them opening cabinets and drawers that they have no business opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

You allowing your guests into your room to watch t.v. WITH you and to use your laptop with your permission are different than finding a guest coming out of your master bedroom walk in closet.....or finding a guest sitting at your computer reading your emails or rifling through a pile of mail you have on a table.

If you invite people in that is one thing. If you find them roaming around your bedroom that is quite another especially if you catch them opening cabinets and drawers that they have no business opening.

I've never caught any house guests opening cabinets or drawers. Sorry that you've had negative experiences that have affected your ability to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So guests are supposed to magically know what areas of your house are off limits (your underwear drawer, etc). I would say that a guest who intrudes into your private space w/o permission is not going to hold back on checking out your underwear drawer. Because that is the type of person you have allowed into your house - one with no boundaries. None. Your underwear drawer is fair game.

You're being dense. There's a big difference between coming upstairs to talk to someone hosting you and rooting through someone's underwear drawer. The fact that you can't see the difference is why so many people on this thread think there's someone nutty on this thread.

Your the one waxing poetic about sharing the intimacy of the private areas of your home and offering overnight guests expanded access to them. Are they out of line when they go into your underwear drawer looking for a pair of socks? Or are you fine with that sort of familiarity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

You allowing your guests into your room to watch t.v. WITH you and to use your laptop with your permission are different than finding a guest coming out of your master bedroom walk in closet.....or finding a guest sitting at your computer reading your emails or rifling through a pile of mail you have on a table.

If you invite people in that is one thing. If you find them roaming around your bedroom that is quite another especially if you catch them opening cabinets and drawers that they have no business opening.

I've never caught any house guests opening cabinets or drawers. Sorry that you've had negative experiences that have affected your ability to host.

I wouldn't expect to find a guest hanging out in my master bedroom or bath in the first place so this sort of thing is never an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

You allowing your guests into your room to watch t.v. WITH you and to use your laptop with your permission are different than finding a guest coming out of your master bedroom walk in closet.....or finding a guest sitting at your computer reading your emails or rifling through a pile of mail you have on a table.

If you invite people in that is one thing. If you find them roaming around your bedroom that is quite another especially if you catch them opening cabinets and drawers that they have no business opening.

Clearly you speak from experience. If your guests did that, they are low-caliber, which makes it evident that YOU are a low-caliber person. Water seeks its own level. Try a little harder to consort with a better class of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

So you've invited a guest to stay for a few days at your house. You are in the kitchen cooking, and decide to run upstairs to use your master bath. You are surprised to find the guest in your master bedroom. Or you aren't surprised? If not surprised, what do you think they're doing in there?

It entirely depends on context. If it's my sister, I assume she's looking for a sweater to borrow. If it's my friend M, she's probably browsing my bookshelf. If it's someone typing on my computer, I assume they needed to print something out. If they're standing in the middle of the bedroom looking confused, I say "hey, what do you need?" If someone's going through my checkbook, we have a problem.

+1 Our master bath isn't off limits to guests. We only have one downstairs bathroom. It's very common that two people need to use the bathroom at once if you have multiple house guests, and the last thing I would want is for someone to feel uncomfortable. And if someone wants to go into our master bedroom to take a phone call because it's loud downstairs, that's more than fine with me. I know when I was nursing, I would go upstairs to nurse in people's bedrooms per my host's suggestion, and I appreciated the privacy and ability to lock the door. I don't know why certain posters are so strident about not letting others use their space. It makes for an uncomfortable experience as a guest.

We also have just one downstairs bathroom, and we sometimes have parties with 40-60 people. There's no way we would ever think of keeping our guests from using the upstairs bathrooms (and yes, sometimes bring their kids upstairs to diaper or nurse etc).

This. If I'm having a big party, I expect people to go downstairs because I probably put their coats upstairs in a bedroom and to use bathrooms. And kids are constantly on all floors playing in our kids' rooms etc. And if we're talking about houseguests, I know them well enough that they're allowed anywhere, including in my room to watch TV with me or use my laptop etc. But everyone is different. Clearly OP has a more restricted way of hosting.

You allowing your guests into your room to watch t.v. WITH you and to use your laptop with your permission are different than finding a guest coming out of your master bedroom walk in closet.....or finding a guest sitting at your computer reading your emails or rifling through a pile of mail you have on a table.

If you invite people in that is one thing. If you find them roaming around your bedroom that is quite another especially if you catch them opening cabinets and drawers that they have no business opening.

Clearly you speak from experience. If your guests did that, they are low-caliber, which makes it evident that YOU are a low-caliber person. Water seeks its own level. Try a little harder to consort with a better class of person.

No. I do not expect guests to go into my private space w/o my permission. I never go into a host's private space w/o their permission.

But if you hang a welcome sign on your master bedroom door and tell your guests to feel free to wander in there whenever they feel like it they might also think it's fine to open a drawer or check out your computer or whatever. After all, you told them to make themselves at home in there, right?

[Anonymous]

If you consider this rude, venturing upstairs uninvited, were you raised upper or middle class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you consider this rude, venturing upstairs uninvited, were you raised upper or middle class?

Solid middle class, two working parents, modest home in a modest neighborhood. I never would have gone into a friend's parents' bedroom or a friend's sibling's bedroom...ever. And my friends would never, ever have gone into my parents' bedroom or a sibling's bedroom.

We would invite each other over to hang out in our own rooms and the public areas of the hosue, but that invite absolutely did not extend to the other bedrooms, bathrooms or off limit areas of a house (like an office). If I had caught one of my siblings' friends in my room I would have been upset and vice versa.