My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

It's 10:00 on the East Coast. So unless you're in Europe, you're a complete troll.

Wtf are you talking about. I live in MD, and it's 12 pm.

-OP

[Anonymous]

I grew up being told if you get in a fight you better win, cus if you lose, you're getting another beating at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences. Picking on someone and eventually you might get popped. Good for the other kid.

Counseling is probably in order. I'd want to know where she got the idea that this behavior was OK.

Serves her right OP.
Better she learn now and get some counseling and learn other behaviors or she will pick on the wrong person who will snap worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up being told if you get in a fight you better win, cus if you lose, you're getting another beating at home.

Ha! Me too. My brother broke a kid’s nose who used to bother him and harass him every day. The kid never bothered him again. They both went on to become functioning adults. I’ve been in one fight myself, in college, with a girl that was sleeping with my roommate’s boyfriend and talked sh*t on my roommate. She started it. I finished it. She never said another damn word about my friend.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter was my kid, OP, not only would I not be sympathetic, I would also come down really hard on her. There would be some sort of major consequence, and she pretty much would not hear the end of it from me, EVER.

But, I have made it crystal clear to my kid from the time he started school that we have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying in our house. And I actively coach him on ways to be kind to his peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up being told if you get in a fight you better win, cus if you lose, you're getting another beating at home.

Ha! Me too. My brother broke a kid’s nose who used to bother him and harass him every day. The kid never bothered him again. They both went on to become functioning adults. I’ve been in one fight myself, in college, with a girl that was sleeping with my roommate’s boyfriend and talked sh*t on my roommate. She started it. I finished it. She never said another damn word about my friend.

That's good for you and your households. I'm not hitting my child ever.

[Anonymous]

I've worked with middle schoolers for a long time and see over and over again that the worst bullies are sanctimonious little angels around adults. They tend to be masters at playing the victim, poor me, I was just pulling a prank and she didn't understand. It's so much BS. When I have conferences among parents and students I see the accused bully's cry and cry and say they didn't mean their words to be interpreted as mean. It's infuriating to see their parents back them up and say, see she didn't mean any harm. Middle school girls can be truly awful and while I'm sorry your daughter got physically hurt, I do hope that she has learned something from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

It's 10:00 on the East Coast. So unless you're in Europe, you're a complete troll.

Wtf are you talking about. I live in MD, and it's 12 pm.

-OP

It was 10:08 when you posted that you hadn't taken her phone yet, that it was "a little late" where you are. 10:00 is not too late, in any universe, to take a middle schooler's phone. So, you are either a troll, or a horror show of a parent who can't bears to discipline her own kid. Either way, in the words of our Secretary of State, you are an effing moron.

[Anonymous]

OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

It's 10:00 on the East Coast. So unless you're in Europe, you're a complete troll.

Wtf are you talking about. I live in MD, and it's 12 pm.

-OP

It was 10:08 when you posted that you hadn't taken her phone yet, that it was "a little late" where you are. 10:00 is not too late, in any universe, to take a middle schooler's phone. So, you are either a troll, or a horror show of a parent who can't bears to discipline her own kid. Either way, in the words of our Secretary of State, you are an effing moron.

Eh..10 can be a little late for a middle schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter needs to find better friends. Other girls that won't push her to bully. Is she in any after-school activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

It's 10:00 on the East Coast. So unless you're in Europe, you're a complete troll.

Wtf are you talking about. I live in MD, and it's 12 pm.

-OP

It was 10:08 when you posted that you hadn't taken her phone yet, that it was "a little late" where you are. 10:00 is not too late, in any universe, to take a middle schooler's phone. So, you are either a troll, or a horror show of a parent who can't bears to discipline her own kid. Either way, in the words of our Secretary of State, you are an effing moron.

Not OP. I do think it's late for having any meaningful conversations. I don't believe in on the spot punishment for teens. They are not two, they can make the connection, but they will be able to listen, when everyone is calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you take pictures of the bruises? You can set up a personal injury case against the school and the other girl's parents.

+1

Hate to play devil's advocate here - but all it takes is one incompetent parent to mimic this behavior, and they get sued out of the school. Violence is never okay.

I am NOT on the side of the bully, but you need to protect your own family, whatever that takes.

I am concerned about some cases being quick to be called "bullying" - from what I have seen. In this case, bullying probably happened, but there are a LOT of factors at play here. Bullying is NOT a one size fits all situation, and some parents are frankly not smart enough to properly decipher. I have seen it come down to who can afford the better attorney (we all know what happens in the criminal justice system).

More parents need to be mindful of their *own* children, instead of "coming after" other parents - again, not the case here, but I have seen it - and those parents are setting themselves *and their children* up for big trouble.

If your DC and their friend do not get along - *teach your kid to move on*, and not dwell (i.e.: "snap") in a situation. It is NOT black and white. Bullying goes both ways - if you have other parents gang up (on the other parent), you are making things much worse for yourself. Again, not the situation here, but it does happen.

I don't expect this to be popular opinion, but I have seen it, and some parents are too quick to jump the gun. I have seen parents who actually have a reputation for this - nothing is ever their fault.

[Anonymous]

OP, my middle school student doesn't have their phone after 10pm. Period. It's about reasonable limits on screen time. Your claim that it was "too late" to take the phone is weak sauce.
You need to set more controls/expectations on your daughter. You seem to be trying to use single motherhood as some sort of defense/excuse. You need to put in some effort NOW to really discipline your child. You think your work is hard now, but if you don't start to more actively parent, you will have to be spending a whooole lot more time dealing with your daughter.