Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

You seem unwell. It’s a wedding, go or don’t go. But making weird threats and demands is super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

You seem unwell. It’s a wedding, go or don’t go. But making weird threats and demands is super weird.

Obviously neither you nor I are principals in this drama. Funny, I was about to accuse you of either being an LLM agent or so heck bent to be nasty that you're not even consistent in what you say you think.

Either way, this situation makes me sad. Both because OP is about to shrink her circle of close family, and because in 19 pages of replies I seem to be the only one who thinks keeping family is more important than keeping decorum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

What kind of barn were you raised in that you think the best next step is to fly halfway across the country to show up with the 9 year old, unannounced?

OP needs to call her sibling or the nephew if it is really that big of a deal that her 9 year old did not make a clear age cutoff and ask what the deal is. Incredibly gauche, but then again, OP is a weirdo for centering themself into something that has nothing to do with them and is not a personal attack, so who cares at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

You are a drama llama and incredibly tacky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

What kind of barn were you raised in that you think the best next step is to fly halfway across the country to show up with the 9 year old, unannounced?

OP needs to call her sibling or the nephew if it is really that big of a deal that her 9 year old did not make a clear age cutoff and ask what the deal is. Incredibly gauche, but then again, OP is a weirdo for centering themself into something that has nothing to do with them and is not a personal attack, so who cares at this point.

Yes it is 'gauche'. But I care more about my family than decorum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

What kind of barn were you raised in that you think the best next step is to fly halfway across the country to show up with the 9 year old, unannounced?

OP needs to call her sibling or the nephew if it is really that big of a deal that her 9 year old did not make a clear age cutoff and ask what the deal is. Incredibly gauche, but then again, OP is a weirdo for centering themself into something that has nothing to do with them and is not a personal attack, so who cares at this point.

Yes it is 'gauche'. But I care more about my family than decorum.

The median age of a groom in a first time marriage is 30. I am pretty sure he didn't think OP would be ranting and raving on the internet about a legitimate and common age cut-off for a formal event. OP has shown their azz with their behavior. With family like OP, better for them not to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

You seem unwell. It’s a wedding, go or don’t go. But making weird threats and demands is super weird.

Obviously neither you nor I are principals in this drama. Funny, I was about to accuse you of either being an LLM agent or so heck bent to be nasty that you're not even consistent in what you say you think.

Either way, this situation makes me sad. Both because OP is about to shrink her circle of close family, and because in 19 pages of replies I seem to be the only one who thinks keeping family is more important than keeping decorum.

She’s also about to shrink her son’s family. By the time he’s old enough to manage his own social life, his cousins may only remember him as the little kid with the weird mom who got bent out of shape by … something. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

What kind of barn were you raised in that you think the best next step is to fly halfway across the country to show up with the 9 year old, unannounced?

OP needs to call her sibling or the nephew if it is really that big of a deal that her 9 year old did not make a clear age cutoff and ask what the deal is. Incredibly gauche, but then again, OP is a weirdo for centering themself into something that has nothing to do with them and is not a personal attack, so who cares at this point.

Yes it is 'gauche'. But I care more about my family than decorum.

The median age of a groom in a first time marriage is 30. I am pretty sure he didn't think OP would be ranting and raving on the internet about a legitimate and common age cut-off for a formal event. OP has shown their azz with their behavior. With family like OP, better for them not to be around.

One can only hope the groom is leveling up and leaving behind his trashier relatives with this marriage.

[Anonymous]

You are wildly overreacting, OP. I am astonished you would ruin your relationship with your nephew over his and his bride’s choice to have an adults only wedding. It’s not personal. You are cruel and astonishingly self-centered, which really surprising after your past generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

You seem unwell. It’s a wedding, go or don’t go. But making weird threats and demands is super weird.

Obviously neither you nor I are principals in this drama. Funny, I was about to accuse you of either being an LLM agent or so heck bent to be nasty that you're not even consistent in what you say you think.

Either way, this situation makes me sad. Both because OP is about to shrink her circle of close family, and because in 19 pages of replies I seem to be the only one who thinks keeping family is more important than keeping decorum.

There is more than one poster here, that’s why you can’t find consistency. But you have definitely veered into crazy town with a post like this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

I don’t currently have teens, my older are all over that bridge and my caboose baby is upper elementary. I guess you have a small or very spread our family? We have lots of cousins and they don’t constantly segregate by age, especially not at a wedding. They tallk, they play they dance, whatever. It’s a family time. If we are vacationing together or visiting each other, sure, older cousins will go off and do something a bit more grown up while youngers go to a kids activity. But lots of time is together.

A very spread out family….. like OPs? It’s obviously important for you to think your “caboose baby” is like a 20 yr old.

No, he’s very much an UES kid. In my family we have many cousins spanning a large age range and it’s normal for them to spend lots of time together and enjoy each other. I understand that some families split off by age. I don’t know why some of you can’t understand that other families are different.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

I don’t currently have teens, my older are all over that bridge and my caboose baby is upper elementary. I guess you have a small or very spread our family? We have lots of cousins and they don’t constantly segregate by age, especially not at a wedding. They tallk, they play they dance, whatever. It’s a family time. If we are vacationing together or visiting each other, sure, older cousins will go off and do something a bit more grown up while youngers go to a kids activity. But lots of time is together.

A very spread out family….. like OPs? It’s obviously important for you to think your “caboose baby” is like a 20 yr old.

No, he’s very much an UES kid. In my family we have many cousins spanning a large age range and it’s normal for them to spend lots of time together and enjoy each other. I understand that some families split off by age. I don’t know why some of you can’t understand that other families are different.

No one cares where you live and nobody is impressed with your crowing about shoving your oopsie baby onto your nieces and nephews during their vacations.

[Anonymous]

I’d not go. That sucks. Bride and groom should be able to think this through and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you reached out to your nephew to see if he can make an exception for your son?

No. I don't want to ask for an exception, because as others have pointed out, it is their wedding. I did ask my sister a couple questions that helped me establish it wasn't an oversight.

Don’t go. Just so rude cousin left out who is 9 is just hurtful. The nine year old will know. He isn’t a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I promise this is not a slight to you or your son. They can’t cater to every guest, even close family. Their wedding is about them, not about you and the gifts you have given. (Please think about what your post implied. Clearly the money wasn’t a gift because you now think it had strings attached). For one day, let them make decisions in THEIR best interests, even if you don’t understand them.
Imagine if every important person in their life wanted some accommodation at their wedding. It becomes exhausting and unnecessarily stressful trying to meet everyone’s expectations. It is one day. You can decide to attend or not to attend. But it is petty to change your gift or not talk to him because you were not made to feel special at his wedding. Repeat as many times as necessary - this decision has nothing to do with you or your child.

Op here - The money was given because I felt close to my nephew and wanted to help him. It is not so much that I expect something for it, but that this lack of invitation for my child and lack of conversation about it initiated by him indicates to me that we are not actually close at all.

I totally get this. They can make exceptions because it is their wedding. I’d be hurt. Groom should be advocating for you.