Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

Now you're just revealing you don't really have kids. I bet you're estranged from your family.

Answer the question. If you had kids this age you know the 9 yr old is going to get a fist bump and that’s about it. He’s not one of the guys.

That's enough to justify inviting your 9 yo cousin to your wedding. Now the 9yo gets no fist bump from the older cousin he grew up with.

He didn't grow up with the cousins! The cousins live in Texas or are "scattered around"! The OP has to travel to the wedding, while a lot of family is in that city where the wedding takes place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

Now you're just revealing you don't really have kids. I bet you're estranged from your family.

Answer the question. If you had kids this age you know the 9 yr old is going to get a fist bump and that’s about it. He’s not one of the guys.

That's enough to justify inviting your 9 yo cousin to your wedding. Now the 9yo gets no fist bump from the older cousin he grew up with.

Grew up with? What fantasy is that? This kid wasn’t even born when these cousins were grown. The groom is probably 20 years older than him.

Op said some of the money was given in the last two yrs for college. That pot’s the groom somewhere at 24/25 at the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

Now you're just revealing you don't really have kids. I bet you're estranged from your family.

Answer the question. If you had kids this age you know the 9 yr old is going to get a fist bump and that’s about it. He’s not one of the guys.

That's enough to justify inviting your 9 yo cousin to your wedding. Now the 9yo gets no fist bump from the older cousin he grew up with.

Grew up with? What fantasy is that? This kid wasn’t even born when these cousins were grown. The groom is probably 20 years older than him.

Op said some of the money was given in the last two yrs for college. That pot’s the groom somewhere at 24/25 at the most.

Lol a 9 yr old is not his bestie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

I think you’re projecting a lot onto these people— but of course you / we get to do that. If OP had simply said that she’d send something from the registry, or that she’d send something from the registry that cost around $200 — I would view that as “nice”. Or even “very nice”. The “spite” comes in when she felt compelled to add that she would have done exponentially more if these people— including the bride who’s probably planning the wedding, figuring out the budget, and unknown to the OP — had magically read her mind and understood that a 9 year old boy, or at least the 9 year old boy’s mommy, would be hurt and pissed that he wasn’t invited to a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

I don’t currently have teens, my older are all over that bridge and my caboose baby is upper elementary. I guess you have a small or very spread our family? We have lots of cousins and they don’t constantly segregate by age, especially not at a wedding. They tallk, they play they dance, whatever. It’s a family time. If we are vacationing together or visiting each other, sure, older cousins will go off and do something a bit more grown up while youngers go to a kids activity. But lots of time is together.

[Anonymous]

OP, your nephews wedding is not a cousin playdate. This one day is his day, and the wedding is sort of kid free. Thats not unusual at all. There will be other opportunities for your 9 year old to see his older cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going. We will send something around $200 from the registry. If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand. I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite. I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf.

I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+.

In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds.

I don’t currently have teens, my older are all over that bridge and my caboose baby is upper elementary. I guess you have a small or very spread our family? We have lots of cousins and they don’t constantly segregate by age, especially not at a wedding. They tallk, they play they dance, whatever. It’s a family time. If we are vacationing together or visiting each other, sure, older cousins will go off and do something a bit more grown up while youngers go to a kids activity. But lots of time is together.

A very spread out family….. like OPs? It’s obviously important for you to think your “caboose baby” is like a 20 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

No, you don't just take an unwelcomed child. You don't go. No gift needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

No, you don't just take an unwelcomed child. You don't go. No gift needed.

... if you care more about saving face and your own ego than keeping family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

What the actual heck kind of perspective do you people have? Do you really think a 9 year old cousin coming to their wedding will ruin their wedding? I doubt the bride and groom are as uncharitable as the shrews on dcum.

He's their family! Unless he personally offended them, excluding him like that is uncaring. If it was intentional, then even $200 is too good for them.

…. OP’s kid wasn’t singled out and excluded. The age cutoff for the event is 16 & older. He is not 16 or older.

OP said that all the other cousins will be able to attend, except her son. And I agree with you - he wasn’t singled out. That's why this unfortunate oversight shouldn't be allowed to cause such bad blood.

If I were OP, I'd just take him and mea culpa if that ruins their perfect day, and I'd wash my hands of them. But not going means OP is assuming the worst and preemptively cutting ties.

It hurts when you cared so much for someone (and someone's son) and they can't be bothered to think of your feelings (or your son's feelings).

Since you seem so sure of the facts here, tell us how many times op and her son have met the bride?

I'm not sure of the facts of even the bride and groom's intention vs oversight. But I know you don't toss out family that you care about. They deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Tossing out family? So dramatic. The only one tossing out family is OP who is never ever going to speak to them again. Ever!

Wut? That's exactly my whole point. OP shouldn't toss them out without first giving them a chance to self correct.

Just give them a call and say "I'm going to bring my son so he's not the only cousin left out - let me know if that's a problem". If it is a problem, then she'll know they were always thoughtless people and they'll know why Aunty never calls anymore.

What stands out to me is that the OP hasn’t even said that her son wants to go. So he’ll be the only kid at an adults only party, glumly nibbling rare roast beef and potatoes dauphinoise while the young adults drink and flirt and do whatever else young adults do at weddings. It’s to like the groom will be able to spend more than a few moments with her son — if that.