When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

No doubt

When I was at Umich, the Greeks had extensive test banks and other interventions to help their grades.

That is one of the advantages to this sort of group. But don't think it's just because they are naturally brilliant compared to non Greek.

NP who doesn't care at all

Where are you getting your intel? Van Wilder? Animal House? It's 2025, cabinets full of xeroxed blue books do not exist.

This thread has jumped the shark. The bored teenagers with no social life and a chip on their shoulder have arrived!

Sure.

I

Im sure it's digital now

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the whole thread (my kids are younger) but this happened to a good friend's daughter. She wanted (and expected to get) a "high tier" house because she's always been popular in school and because she fits the right profile - beautiful, wealthy, does a "rich girl" sport, 2x yearly international family vacations, volunteers in her community, great grades. Plus she's personable and kind.

Well, she got dropped by all but "lower tier" houses and was socked and devastated and wanted to transfer schools over this. Mom would have supported that decision but strongly encouraged DD to stick it out and keep an open mind to those welcoming girls who did want to include her. Long story short DD stayed with the process, accepted a bid to a low-mid tier sorority where she'd had good conversations with the girls she met, and is now in a leadership role and having a great experience. She's still friends with girls in other sororities, no sororities, and through her sport. I think this was a humbling experience for her but like many things in life, it's what you make of it.

[Anonymous]

Op, sorority life was never perfect but in the recent past, getting a bid was mostly dependent on how many girls in the sorority you formed a connection with during rush. Now, it’s been ruined by social media and rush consultants. At my dd’s school, each girl meets only three sorority sisters at each rush event. Better help you randomly get girls with pull in the sorority or have relationships with many of them before rush begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my DD’s school, the members already know 80% of the girls they want before rush even starts. They are looking at social media and asking friends from the same area high schools what they know about the girls. This starts before rush even starts. If your DD is interested in rush, have her create an image on insta, VSCO, tiktok, etc. before ever arriving. I mean this sincerely. Travel photos, lots of shots with groups of pretty girls, pictures of your DD where she looks really good, etc. Delete all photos that don’t meet these criteria.

What school?

They all do this. Literally every one. They have a list of who they want based on social media before rush even begins. IYKYK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my DD’s school, the members already know 80% of the girls they want before rush even starts. They are looking at social media and asking friends from the same area high schools what they know about the girls. This starts before rush even starts. If your DD is interested in rush, have her create an image on insta, VSCO, tiktok, etc. before ever arriving. I mean this sincerely. Travel photos, lots of shots with groups of pretty girls, pictures of your DD where she looks really good, etc. Delete all photos that don’t meet these criteria.

What school?

They all do this. Literally every one. They have a list of who they want based on social media before rush even begins. IYKYK

This is true. My daughter thought this was only something to be concerned with in SEC schools, but it is absolutely part of the Big Ten experience, as well. Like a previous poster said, the girls are only meeting a couple of sisters for a few minutes each during each round. You can be beautiful and smart and funny and everything that people think of as a stereotypical sorority girl, but if you don’t have connections beforehand, or you don’t have a large following on social media, the process will surprise you.

To the original poster, I don’t know if your daughter has stayed with it or has dropped. Hopefully she has made a choice that she feels good about. I hope she is able to move past the disappointment and take advantage of everything amazing that Michigan has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, sorority life was never perfect but in the recent past, getting a bid was mostly dependent on how many girls in the sorority you formed a connection with during rush. Now, it’s been ruined by social media and rush consultants. At my dd’s school, each girl meets only three sorority sisters at each rush event. Better help you randomly get girls with pull in the sorority or have relationships with many of them before rush begins.

Meant to type “better hope”

[Anonymous]

GDI is the only chapter which should exist in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

Professional fraternities are also very competitive and it’s all about who you know, not your skills.

Professional fraternities? No one cares.

Not true. They can be a separator in job interviews, plus lead to excellent professional contacts and internships.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, it's Monday. What happened?

[Anonymous]

OP. She could not join a house and rush again next year. Her friends in certain houses could help her get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

I thought the poster who discussed alumni contributions from Greek members had an interesting point: follow the money. This feels like a giant money machine with adults as the beneficiaries at the expense of teens.

I'm the poster who made that comment. I hadn't thought about it in such detail, but it sort of is as you describe. What's in it for the schools? Future alums who statistically give a lot more. What's in it for the sororities? A made-up network that can pay off in job and social connections for members for years. All funded by families who want their kids to have a fun college experience, and to be better connected when they graduate.

It's a fascinating process when you consider the size and scope of these organizations, and how embedded they are in American culture.

[Anonymous]

Some moms in the DMV reach out during the summer to get their kids into sororities. Especially in southern schools. Tend to be the mean moms getting their mean daughters into sororities. Op you sound nice. At some schools nice people don’t fare well.

[Anonymous]

My daughter had a similar experience to OP's daughter, at a different university.

My DD ended up not being in a sorority at all (she's a senior now), and still has had a lot of friends and a great social life. She frequently gets invited to fraternity formals and events.

One thing I've observed about sorority rush -- it does not matter how pretty you are, how well-dressed you are, how sweet you are, how smart you are -- there will always be girls who have better connections to the existing members in the sorority. And the existing sorority members will be SO nice and sweet to every potential new member, during the rush/recruitment process. So it comes as a surprise when those with better connections get a bid when you do not. I have seen this happen to so many college students.

At my daughter's university, a lot of the girls who are in the situation of OP's daughter either (a) stay at the university and join other activities, and possibly rush again sophomore year; (b) join the lower tier house and then transfer to a university where that particular sorority is considered a top-tier house; or (c) transfer to another university and start fresh (either with Greek life or without).

Option (b) above is one of the most common ones that I have seen.

I hope OP's daughter will not take things too personally. I completely understand the appeal of a sorority (as I was in one myself) -- the idea of lots of friendships and lots of fun organized social activities. And then you can even participate in sorority activities as an adult. (Here in DC, my sorority has tons of fun activities for the alumnae.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

I thought the poster who discussed alumni contributions from Greek members had an interesting point: follow the money. This feels like a giant money machine with adults as the beneficiaries at the expense of teens.

I'm the poster who made that comment. I hadn't thought about it in such detail, but it sort of is as you describe. What's in it for the schools? Future alums who statistically give a lot more. What's in it for the sororities? A made-up network that can pay off in job and social connections for members for years. All funded by families who want their kids to have a fun college experience, and to be better connected when they graduate.

It's a fascinating process when you consider the size and scope of these organizations, and how embedded they are in American culture.

You must be one of the losers who put their sorority on their resume. I was in a sorority and would never do so. People assume you are frivolous and superficial.

[Anonymous]

Lots of glossing over how hard it is to start at a new school as a sophomore when most kids already have their friend group.