When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

I have one relative who did not get in anywhere despite being a wealthy and strong legacy at one of the top sororities. She was blackballed everywhere, apparently. I heard something about the older girls from her high school not liking her. She transferred from a top state flagship to a not high ranked SLAC that does not have a greek scene. I was shocked she would transfer over this.

I have another relative - super sweet, gorgeous, fashionable clothes - who only got one of the lower sororities. She decided to do it but didn't like it all that much. She had an ok but not great time socially at college.

My mom and I are not sorority girls. Our female relatives who are said you really most of the time just can't figure out why you didn't do "better," so don't worry about it.

Both girls are doing fine now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

Professional fraternities are also very competitive and it’s all about who you know, not your skills.

Professional fraternities? No one cares.

[Anonymous]

My rush did not go well 30 years ago and I ended up joining a lower tier house (it was not the lowest, but probably 9th out of 12). I made wonderful friends who are still my best friends. One of my sorority sisters ended up introducing me to my husband. Also, we had plenty of mixers and other social events.

I would consider giving the lower tier house a chance. She can always depledge if it’s not for her.

[Anonymous]

I spoke with a college counselor about reasons students want to transfer. She told me a story about a young man who made friends with his roommate and people in his dorm when he arrived at college. He was the only one that did not get into a fraternity. Parents weekend, all of the other kids invited their parents to the frat houses for events, while this kid was upset having lunch with his parents feeling totally left out. It was reason enough for him to transfer. My child thought he found his friend group first semester freshman year, but they quickly started escluded him. It was a blessing; he started with one friend from a club which led to a great group of friends, so much better than the first group. He also didn't make one club the first semester and was devastated but after a pep talk, he made it the second semester. I understand if she decides to transfer, and I understand if she decides to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

It's a fairly important skill, more important than you think.

Certainly more important than singing in archways, and more valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP
Michigan. She was already struggling with the size of the school and had been holding out hope that this would help her with community.

Only 18% of Michigan undergrads are in fraternities/sororities. I truly don't understand why she thinks this is the only way she can find community. What else has she done?

For a huge school like M and super small, like W&L, you need to find your "people" and be "sorted." NYC privates, midwestern UMC, or southern private etc. Unfortunately at these places this is the game and if you aren't in the stereotypical house for your type, it can feel very tough. If you are middle class no connections at EITHER of these type of schools, life can be hard...and you can't go in blind, like it seems this op may have.It is what it is unfortunately, starts before college.

This is true, and, I hate to say it, the sorting lasts your whole like in country clubs, private schools etc. IF you go to one of these heavy greek schools, and you tell someone at the club that you went to said school, they will ask "oh, were you a ZTA?" and you say "no, I was a [insert low tier sorority]" they will smile and move on. I hate it, but at that $$$ level, people can be ruthless. This is if you're white, if you're Asian, no one expects you to be greek, which makes it easier.

You may not know this, but a lot of people just don’t live this way.

Everyone sorts, it may not be by "Greek" affiliation, but literally EVERYONE (except maybe Jesus) sorts ans judges other people. Even people who have those signs in their yard that say "everyone is welcome..." your judging people right now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

[Anonymous]

It’s so interesting to see so many judgy Greek life haters who profess to be better because they are so open-minded and not snobs, when their very judgment about those who choose that avenue in college says otherwise. The OP had a valid question about supporting her 18yo kid making a decision about Greek life through the recruitment process. If you don’t have input relevant to her question then why even read the thread? I get it’s public (and anonymous), but sheesh.

OP and all others helping their kids navigate recruitment, college transitions, rigorous classes, best of luck in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight they will submit a ranking again. Tomorrow morning, they will get their sisterhood party invitation schedule. There are a maximum of seven sororities for each girl. If they had fewer than seven for philanthropy, obviously they will still have fewer than seven for the next round. On Monday night, they will submit rankings again for preference round. They can only attend a maximum of two. Some girls will get one. I suppose it is possible that some girls will also get zero. Based on the timing of the other releases, I would expect their preference schedule to come out about an hour to an hour and a half before they have to be there. I believe that is this weekend.

Why do you know all this?

lol—NP but what many of you who are non-Greek may not be aware of is that there are 26 NPC sororities that each have between 46-180 collegiate chapters all over the country and at least that many alumnae groups. These are multi-million dollar businesses and most have at least 40 paid full time staff members and an “army” of trained volunteers who serve as collegiate chapter advisory boards to support recruitment efforts, marketing, leadership development, fundraising, housing operations, and money management.
It’s not just a club. It’s a fine-tuned machine and for every college campus that holds formal recruitment, there are 100+ alumnae members of that Greek system who can tell you exactly what the dates are, what the stats are, and the party structure, including how many parties the PNMs can attend and when bid day is. These aren’t chosen at random. The dates and part structure numbers and process are all voted on by the chapter representatives and deigned to make the intake process “fair” to the longevity of the chapters in the system, with the goal being survival of the system such that each chapter is thriving within the system.

I thought the poster who discussed alumni contributions from Greek members had an interesting point: follow the money. This feels like a giant money machine with adults as the beneficiaries at the expense of teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so interesting to see so many judgy Greek life haters who profess to be better because they are so open-minded and not snobs, when their very judgment about those who choose that avenue in college says otherwise. The OP had a valid question about supporting her 18yo kid making a decision about Greek life through the recruitment process. If you don’t have input relevant to her question then why even read the thread? I get it’s public (and anonymous), but sheesh.

OP and all others helping their kids navigate recruitment, college transitions, rigorous classes, best of luck in the process.

If you want an echo chamber, go post in one.

But to answer your question, you seem to think the only way to “support” is to acknowledge Greek life as an unquestioned good, know the ins-and-outs of the bidding system and help daughter “navigate” her own social life, and entertain thoughts of transfer and social doom if daughter doesn’t get this unquestioned good.

You would be wrong. There are many many more ways to support the daughter. And many of us posting can see alternative ways for OP to help support her daughter. But the singularly focused can’t see that, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

No doubt

When I was at Umich, the Greeks had extensive test banks and other interventions to help their grades.

That is one of the advantages to this sort of group. But don't think it's just because they are naturally brilliant compared to non Greek.

NP who doesn't care at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

No doubt

When I was at Umich, the Greeks had extensive test banks and other interventions to help their grades.

That is one of the advantages to this sort of group. But don't think it's just because they are naturally brilliant compared to non Greek.

NP who doesn't care at all

Where are you getting your intel? Van Wilder? Animal House? It's 2025, cabinets full of xeroxed blue books do not exist.

This thread has jumped the shark. The bored teenagers with no social life and a chip on their shoulder have arrived!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to get involved with exclusionary organizations that will leave a certain percentage of people shut out, they need to be prepared to be that shut out person. Colleges that allow this stuff need to make sure there are places for everyone and that social life doesn't revolve around it.

Who gets to decide what "tier" a sorority is? And why would a sorority be concerned with anyone shallow enough to rank them? Does the dean not say hello to you if you're at the bottom of the sorority heap? Just do your thing and let other sororities do theirs.

Initiations and hazing sound so brutal and childish. I would hope college age people would be above it.

What world do you live in? Life is exclusionary.

It's the job of college administrators to foster an inclusive environment on campus, and that means not allowing fraternities and soririties to have undue control over campus life, which creates in groups and out groups. People shouldn't feel like second class citizens at college

No, it’s actually not. It’s the job of college administrators to see that your student gets an education. Whether or not they choose to participate in Greek life is up to them.

Frankly, I don’t see why any university allows “Greek” life. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with education.

By this argument there should be any non-academic clubs. A capella groups can be pretty cutthroat to join at some colleges, should they be allowed?

A capella is based on talent. Let me guess what talent sorority girls possess…

That's uncalled for. Did you know that at U Mich girls who are in sororities have higher GPAs that those who aren't? Just throwing that out there as a bit of a counterpoint to your crass implication.

No doubt

When I was at Umich, the Greeks had extensive test banks and other interventions to help their grades.

That is one of the advantages to this sort of group. But don't think it's just because they are naturally brilliant compared to non Greek.

NP who doesn't care at all

Where are you getting your intel? Van Wilder? Animal House? It's 2025, cabinets full of xeroxed blue books do not exist.

This thread has jumped the shark. The bored teenagers with no social life and a chip on their shoulder have arrived!

Sure.

I