So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

NP. “Hospitable” is offering three meals and one cocktail hour a day, and making sure people know they are welcome to go get cheese and crackers or a sandwich or some fruit or chips if they are hungry between meals. OP has done that: check.

Being a good GUEST means—when you are helping yourself in the kitchen—avoiding the specialty items that have been clearly made or purchased to be served during meal times or cocktail hour. Would you really open your hosts’ NYE caviar the day before at a random time when you wanted a snack? Really? Would you cut out a portion of the lasagna for that night’s dinner and nuke it for yourself at 3 p.m.? Really?

Don’t host people if you begrudge them snacks in your “open” kitchen.

I haven't posted in this thread yet, but I wanted to say it's really interesting and telling that you won't answer the bolded questions. Do you understand the difference between making yourself a sandwich or some cheese and fruit, and taking a portion of the lasagna that your hosts planned to serve that night for dinner and heating it up for yourself as a snack at 3 p.m.? You seem unable to answer this question. Why is that?

Eating dinner is some fantasy you made up. Doesn’t deserve a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

NP. “Hospitable” is offering three meals and one cocktail hour a day, and making sure people know they are welcome to go get cheese and crackers or a sandwich or some fruit or chips if they are hungry between meals. OP has done that: check.

Being a good GUEST means—when you are helping yourself in the kitchen—avoiding the specialty items that have been clearly made or purchased to be served during meal times or cocktail hour. Would you really open your hosts’ NYE caviar the day before at a random time when you wanted a snack? Really? Would you cut out a portion of the lasagna for that night’s dinner and nuke it for yourself at 3 p.m.? Really?

Don’t host people if you begrudge them snacks in your “open” kitchen.

I haven't posted in this thread yet, but I wanted to say it's really interesting and telling that you won't answer the bolded questions. Do you understand the difference between making yourself a sandwich or some cheese and fruit, and taking a portion of the lasagna that your hosts planned to serve that night for dinner and heating it up for yourself as a snack at 3 p.m.? You seem unable to answer this question. Why is that?

Eating dinner is some fantasy you made up. Doesn’t deserve a response.

You still won't answer the question. So apparently to you if there is an open kitchen, all food is up for grabs at any time. Yes or no? Yes or no, it's fine to eat the ginger cheesecake your hostess made for Christmas dinner at 1 o'clock by yourself. Yes or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

NP. “Hospitable” is offering three meals and one cocktail hour a day, and making sure people know they are welcome to go get cheese and crackers or a sandwich or some fruit or chips if they are hungry between meals. OP has done that: check.

Being a good GUEST means—when you are helping yourself in the kitchen—avoiding the specialty items that have been clearly made or purchased to be served during meal times or cocktail hour. Would you really open your hosts’ NYE caviar the day before at a random time when you wanted a snack? Really? Would you cut out a portion of the lasagna for that night’s dinner and nuke it for yourself at 3 p.m.? Really?

Don’t host people if you begrudge them snacks in your “open” kitchen.

I haven't posted in this thread yet, but I wanted to say it's really interesting and telling that you won't answer the bolded questions. Do you understand the difference between making yourself a sandwich or some cheese and fruit, and taking a portion of the lasagna that your hosts planned to serve that night for dinner and heating it up for yourself as a snack at 3 p.m.? You seem unable to answer this question. Why is that?

Eating dinner is some fantasy you made up. Doesn’t deserve a response.

You still won't answer the question. So apparently to you if there is an open kitchen, all food is up for grabs at any time. Yes or no? Yes or no, it's fine to eat the ginger cheesecake your hostess made for Christmas dinner at 1 o'clock by yourself. Yes or no?

Yep the snacks are to be eaten whenever. Guess we can agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Who eats tea and cake before dinner? What country are you in? I eat appetizers and drinks before dinner. Restaurants offer the same. A waiter comes and asks if we'd like drinks and appetizers.

I’m in the US, and I don’t eat dinner until 8 or 8:30. I don’t know anyone who eats dinner at 5. There’s plenty of time between 3 and 8 to digest a slice of cake.

You clearly don’t have young kids.

I know it may come as a shock to you, but many people don't. The world doesn't revolve solely around young children and their families.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

Big deal.

You obviously don't like her. I hope you don't have boys and become THAT mil that your dil complains about endlessly on here where all the other dils back you up. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Clearly no one want to stand up to you and your stupid rigid times. MILs dgaf and others are probably silently happy (though don't want the wrath of you) that they aren't sitting around twiddling their thumbs and watching your kids until it is 5:00. sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Then stfu a time snacks at 3.

You people are honestly animals. I’ve been an overnight house guest at my ILs plenty of times. They have an open kitchen policy. But I know full well that some of the special items are meant to be special and communal for cocktail hour or special wine for Easter dinner. I do not scoop a portion of the artichoke dip MIL made for Thanksgiving appetizers, nuke it and eat it the night before Thanksgiving. I do not break into the carrot cake DH’s cousin made for Easter dinner at 11 a.m. because it looks good and I’m peckish. I know if I’m hungry I can always go get a snack, but I know that special foods are for everyone to enjoy together, not for me personally to dig into whenever.

Where did any of that happen? She’s whining about a bottle of wine. No one served dinner at 3.

If an expensive wine was selected to be paired with dinner, a host absolutely has the right to be miffed if someone randomly breaks it out in the afternoon. I regularly am a host to my family and DH’s family, both for short visits and overnight; I am also frequently a guest at my family’s homes and at DH’s family’s homes. We all enjoy wine, but would honestly never dream of going breaking out alcohol in each other’s homes without asking. At my family’s summer house, there is a specific fridge where sodas, beer, etc., are available all day. But granddad’s liquor cabinet is not up for grabs; granddad makes cocktails at 5, it’s a tradition and I would never go help myself to his Bombay Sapphire without asking.

She’s hosting multiple people. She better have more than one anyway. She sounded woefully underprepared.

Just because one or two posters MAKE UP the scenario where OP literally had one bottle of wine for dinner does not make it true. Grasping at straws.

Then why was she put out that the wine was for dinner? Who has such limited quantities available? Makes no sense. She sounds like she’s putting on airs but not able to actually pull it off. I have a wine cellar, there’s plenty of wine. This would never be an issue.

Oh, sure, sure you do. People with wine collections are *the most* particular about what bottle people grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:[vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

NP. “Hospitable” is offering three meals and one cocktail hour a day, and making sure people know they are welcome to go get cheese and crackers or a sandwich or some fruit or chips if they are hungry between meals. OP has done that: check.

Being a good GUEST means—when you are helping yourself in the kitchen—avoiding the specialty items that have been clearly made or purchased to be served during meal times or cocktail hour. Would you really open your hosts’ NYE caviar the day before at a random time when you wanted a snack? Really? Would you cut out a portion of the lasagna for that night’s dinner and nuke it for yourself at 3 p.m.? Really?

Don’t host people if you begrudge them snacks in your “open” kitchen.

I haven't posted in this thread yet, but I wanted to say it's really interesting and telling that you won't answer the bolded questions. Do you understand the difference between making yourself a sandwich or some cheese and fruit, and taking a portion of the lasagna that your hosts planned to serve that night for dinner and heating it up for yourself as a snack at 3 p.m.? You seem unable to answer this question. Why is that?

Eating dinner is some fantasy you made up. Doesn’t deserve a response.

You still won't answer the question. So apparently to you if there is an open kitchen, all food is up for grabs at any time. Yes or no? Yes or no, it's fine to eat the ginger cheesecake your hostess made for Christmas dinner at 1 o'clock by yourself. Yes or no?

Yep the snacks are to be eaten whenever. Guess we can agree to disagree.

Wow, you're rude. If someone takes the time to make a beautiful cheesecake for Christmas dinner, you'll eat it the day before at 2 because it looked good and you were a little hungry. Wow, so glad you are not a member of my family or my husband's family! I've honestly never encountered such a rude houseguest or dinner party guest, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

Big deal.

You obviously don't like her. I hope you don't have boys and become THAT mil that your dil complains about endlessly on here where all the other dils back you up. Get a grip.

NP who has girls and I love how worked up you moms of boys get when you look into the future and know that you'll be the least-favorite grandma and the dreaded in-law. Too bad for you!

[Anonymous]

LOL OP I totally get it. The only thing I can say in her defense is that she's a mom and she used to be responsible for making sure kids had something to eat when they were hungry. Old habits die hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

Big deal.

You obviously don't like her. I hope you don't have boys and become THAT mil that your dil complains about endlessly on here where all the other dils back you up. Get a grip.

NP who has girls and I love how worked up you moms of boys get when you look into the future and know that you'll be the least-favorite grandma and the dreaded in-law. Too bad for you!

Yikes. If someone as mean as PP is not the least-favorite grandma, I feel bad for this future family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

It is when it's not your house. If you felt that there was not enough food on offer, at any house you were at, would you really go into the kitchen and begin offering other guests your host's food? I would like to see you try this at your boss' house!