So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

+1 These posters are just jerking OP's chain. Of course it's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL OP I totally get it. The only thing I can say in her defense is that she's a mom and she used to be responsible for making sure kids had something to eat when they were hungry. Old habits die hard.

But she's not OP's mom, so this doesn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

If there are cheese and crackers and shrimp cocktail laid out in the other room, it is indeed polite to ask if anyone else wants some as you are going that way. It is not polite to offer the cold poached salmon and lentils that are currently in the fridge, ready to be served at a later meal.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

It is when it's not your house. If you felt that there was not enough food on offer, at any house you were at, would you really go into the kitchen and begin offering other guests your host's food? I would like to see you try this at your boss' house!

+1. Exactly. I was recently invited to a brunch at the private home of a university president. I'd really have loved for some of these posters to have been guests, to see them rooting around in the kitchen and getting out more food if they didn't think there was enough, or if they preferred a different type of cheese. After all, they would have been well within their rights to do so, if their hosts weren't providing "enough"!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What was she like as a hostess in her own home when she hosted big holidays? Did she enjoy it? Is she an anxious person?

She claims to love it all, but doesn’t plan properly and always acts surprised by things like the fact that you actually need to set the Thanksgiving table, not just prepare food. She declines all offers for help and acts like I’m crazy for offering to set the table ahead of time. Then when everything is finally served after she, you know, finds everything and sets the table, she grumbles that it’s cold. Her food is fine, she’s just not good at planning or accepting help. Maybe it annoys her that DH and I actually think things through and have a lot down so it’s always taken care of and fairly easy to pull off.

Or maybe she is trying to help but is not very good at helping but is trying anyway because she thinks it’s polite.

+1 It sounds to me like she hasn’t quite figured out how to be the matriarch in your home, or just doesn’t really know what her role is or how to help. I see it as an awkward effort to not feel useless.

Just to add - I think I would feel compassion for her rather than irritation.

I think that's easier to say from behind a keyboard than it is to deal with in person.

I get it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL OP I totally get it. The only thing I can say in her defense is that she's a mom and she used to be responsible for making sure kids had something to eat when they were hungry. Old habits die hard.

+1

I haven’t read this whole thread, but a lot of older people like to eat dinner early, like 5 p.m., so just having your cocktail hour begin at 5 is too late for them. Has OP or her DH ever asked MIL or others in the family what time they usually have dinner? Maybe MIL is trying to passively and gently drop a hint that she (and others) need to eat earlier and is trying to get the ball rolling. MIL may know that half of OP’s guests are sitting there trying to be polite but are starving, while OP, new to hosting all the ILs, is clueless.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Then stfu a time snacks at 3.

You people are honestly animals. I’ve been an overnight house guest at my ILs plenty of times. They have an open kitchen policy. But I know full well that some of the special items are meant to be special and communal for cocktail hour or special wine for Easter dinner. I do not scoop a portion of the artichoke dip MIL made for Thanksgiving appetizers, nuke it and eat it the night before Thanksgiving. I do not break into the carrot cake DH’s cousin made for Easter dinner at 11 a.m. because it looks good and I’m peckish. I know if I’m hungry I can always go get a snack, but I know that special foods are for everyone to enjoy together, not for me personally to dig into whenever.

People who know about wine either have it chilled or decanting before dinner. OP obviously is just pretending.

Where did any of that happen? She’s whining about a bottle of wine. No one served dinner at 3.

If an expensive wine was selected to be paired with dinner, a host absolutely has the right to be miffed if someone randomly breaks it out in the afternoon. I regularly am a host to my family and DH’s family, both for short visits and overnight; I am also frequently a guest at my family’s homes and at DH’s family’s homes. We all enjoy wine, but would honestly never dream of going breaking out alcohol in each other’s homes without asking. At my family’s summer house, there is a specific fridge where sodas, beer, etc., are available all day. But granddad’s liquor cabinet is not up for grabs; granddad makes cocktails at 5, it’s a tradition and I would never go help myself to his Bombay Sapphire without asking.

She’s hosting multiple people. She better have more than one anyway. She sounded woefully underprepared.

Just because one or two posters MAKE UP the scenario where OP literally had one bottle of wine for dinner does not make it true. Grasping at straws.

Then why was she put out that the wine was for dinner? Who has such limited quantities available? Makes no sense. She sounds like she’s putting on airs but not able to actually pull it off. I have a wine cellar, there’s plenty of wine. This would never be an issue.

Oh, sure, sure you do. People with wine collections are *the most* particular about what bottle people grab.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OP has also said several times she has an OPEN KITCHEN POLICY.

Everyone is welcome to help themselves with the exception of MIL.

I’m going to type very slowly for you, in hopes that it will aid you in reading comprehension, since clearly that is an area of struggle for you.

No, you are incorrect.
MIL may get HERSELF food from the open kitchen.
She may not be a ridiculous, insufferable, attention seeking person who loudly takes over and pretends to be the hostess, while “serving” food and wine to other guests which is already planned for its use at another time.
She also may not tell OP that food and drinks exist, and that OP can have them, which OP bought and prepared.

Do you get it now?

No because its polite to offer things to others if you are going to the kitchen and are up already. Jesus, the manners are appalling here. If OP was on the ball she would have already done it.

That’s not what happened and you know it, but since you’ll continue to double down on your nonsense, I won’t waste any more keystrokes on you.

Now he predictable and say something like “Thank God! Lol!”

.

We have wildly different interpretations of what happened based on limited info. Im happy to err on the side of feeding people and being hospitable is never wrong.

It is when it's not your house. If you felt that there was not enough food on offer, at any house you were at, would you really go into the kitchen and begin offering other guests your host's food? I would like to see you try this at your boss' house!

+1. Exactly. I was recently invited to a brunch at the private home of a university president. I'd really have loved for some of these posters to have been guests, to see them rooting around in the kitchen and getting out more food if they didn't think there was enough, or if they preferred a different type of cheese. After all, they would have been well within their rights to do so, if their hosts weren't providing "enough"!

People are raging about a situation that didn’t happen. You weren’t a house guest of the president and nobody stole the hosts dinner.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

NP and either all food and beverages in a host's "open kitchen" are fair game, or they aren't. Sorry, you have to pick a lane. OP was not annoyed at MIL for making herself a snack if she was hungry, she was annoyed that MIL decided to declare happy hour at 3 p.m. Most of us side with OP, thinking that is way overstepping. Sorry you can't deal.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

NP and either all food and beverages in a host's "open kitchen" are fair game, or they aren't. Sorry, you have to pick a lane. OP was not annoyed at MIL for making herself a snack if she was hungry, she was annoyed that MIL decided to declare happy hour at 3 p.m. Most of us side with OP, thinking that is way overstepping. Sorry you can't deal.

Mmm read the thread again. Most don’t agree. No food was available. The kitchen wasn’t open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL OP I totally get it. The only thing I can say in her defense is that she's a mom and she used to be responsible for making sure kids had something to eat when they were hungry. Old habits die hard.

+1

I haven’t read this whole thread, but a lot of older people like to eat dinner early, like 5 p.m., so just having your cocktail hour begin at 5 is too late for them. Has OP or her DH ever asked MIL or others in the family what time they usually have dinner? Maybe MIL is trying to passively and gently drop a hint that she (and others) need to eat earlier and is trying to get the ball rolling. MIL may know that half of OP’s guests are sitting there trying to be polite but are starving, while OP, new to hosting all the ILs, is clueless.

Nope, I have had three grandparents and two of my husband's grandparents end up in assisted living facilities, and in all of them dinner was 6 p.m. Holiday meals were usually brunches or lunches, but the one Christmas dinner we had at my husband's grandma's assisted living place was served at 6 p.m. I remember because we met in her room to drink sherry for "cocktail hour" at 5, because she still loved her sherry!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

NP and either all food and beverages in a host's "open kitchen" are fair game, or they aren't. Sorry, you have to pick a lane. OP was not annoyed at MIL for making herself a snack if she was hungry, she was annoyed that MIL decided to declare happy hour at 3 p.m. Most of us side with OP, thinking that is way overstepping. Sorry you can't deal.

Mmm read the thread again. Most don’t agree. No food was available. The kitchen wasn’t open.

Please stop making things up. You do not know that the kitchen was closed and that no food was available. That’s straight up bs. The only thing we know is that Op has stated that the kitchen is always open and that if guests want something, then they can have something.

You’re equating OP being annoyed that her MIL took it upon herself to act as hostess, put a tray of snacks and wine together and then present it as a hostess offering with not allowing any food to be consumed by anyone and the kitchen being closed. Your willful ignorance is getting boring.

I get why OP was annoyed.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

NP and either all food and beverages in a host's "open kitchen" are fair game, or they aren't. Sorry, you have to pick a lane. OP was not annoyed at MIL for making herself a snack if she was hungry, she was annoyed that MIL decided to declare happy hour at 3 p.m. Most of us side with OP, thinking that is way overstepping. Sorry you can't deal.

Mmm read the thread again. Most don’t agree. No food was available. The kitchen wasn’t open.

OP was not hosting a party comprised of quadriplegics. Got arms and legs? Go to the kitchen and grab some pretzels. Food was available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a bad host. You obviously refuse to take responsibility as to why your MIL feels compelled to offer guests food. BECAUSE THEY ARE STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!@

You really need to take some medication. No one is starving at 3pm and requires wine and snacks. But go on with your crazy self. It’s amusing.

You're gaslighting. This hostess needs the meds for her severe OCD and rigid meal restrictions.

I’m gaslighting someone who posted in all caps that at 3pm, people are starving followed by 10 exclamation marks when none of that was true? Really? Yeah, no. Please enlighten us to the post where OP has rigid meal restrictions and where she says no one can eat outside of the regular meal times. What page and time stamp?

Un read the OP its right there. Not at 3. Only at 5 when the host will serve those things.

OPEN KITCHEN.

God almighty, you people cannot read.

Exactly. So mil was helping herself and others who were hungry. Because the kitchen was open.

NP. How do you know “others were hungry”? My sister has a crazy MIL who tries to do things like this and is always bustling about and extremely nosy. If she was doing that kind of crap in my sister’s kitchen, I would probably accept a glass of water but try to re-direct her away from setting out what I knew was the sangria my sister made for a holiday party. Some people just cannot relax and are constantly making their anxiety someone else’s problem. It’s annoying.

OP didn’t say they weren’t. She’s just mad mil embarrassed her and her poor hosting skills.

NP and it is not "poor hosting skills" to provide open access to your kitchen, but to have a few items earmarked for specific times, like dinner food or like shrimp or artichoke dip for cocktail hour. And yes lots of people pick out specific wines to pair with dinners, especially holiday dinners.

Can you quote where dinner and ear marked things were served other than wine? OP was mad people ate at 3 and not at 5 because she was totally inflexible.

It's right here in the original post:
She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.”

For me, getting yourself a little something if you're hungry at 3 is totally fine, but unilaterally deciding that you want to put out whatever the cocktail hour items are at 3 is rude. You don't get to decide to play hostess in someone else's house. Would you seriously do this? In my family, when we have holiday gatherings, we do special cocktail hours that have like hot dips and special cocktails. It would be beyond rude for someone to just decide it's time to bust out the winter sangria that the hostess had specially prepared at 3, or get out the marcona almonds and artichoke dip that was meant for cocktail hour.

Snacks. Not lasagna not cake. Snacks.

Oh, so is hot dip to be served at cocktail hour a "snack"? If I made artichoke dip for appetizers before Thanksgiving dinner and you scooped some into a bowl for yourself at 11 a.m., you would be seen as very odd in my family. And if you weren't family, you'd never be invited back. We don't socialize with rude people who have no basic grasp of manners.

Start your own thread about the time this happened. Stop derailing.

NP and either all food and beverages in a host's "open kitchen" are fair game, or they aren't. Sorry, you have to pick a lane. OP was not annoyed at MIL for making herself a snack if she was hungry, she was annoyed that MIL decided to declare happy hour at 3 p.m. Most of us side with OP, thinking that is way overstepping. Sorry you can't deal.

Mmm read the thread again. Most don’t agree. No food was available. The kitchen wasn’t open.

OP was not hosting a party comprised of quadriplegics. Got arms and legs? Go to the kitchen and grab some pretzels. Food was available.

No kidding? So why is she mad?