So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

Who eats breakfast at 7am on vacation?? I'm sleeping in until 9am at least. Muffins and bagels are on the counter in their packaging. Coffee maker pre-set to start at 8:30. I tell guests if you want it sooner, press the On button.

People with young children definitely don’t wait to eat breakfast at 9. And old people. Old people get up early.

+1. Plus, if you’re visiting a family home, you better not be acting like you’re on “vacation.” People still have work, responsibilities, chores, activities and schedules. Life doesn’t screech to a halt because you want to mooch yet another DC-area vacation.

[Anonymous]

Stumbled across this banger of a thread and thought it was timely, given the upcoming holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

I think you're not reading her right. This is her way of acknowledging all your hard work and reminding you to take a break. It may not be the words you'd use in the same circumstances, but I think she's trying to signal she's grateful to be hosted and wants to be solicitous about your wellbeing.

Agree.

She’s trying to give you a break and help. Plus you sound rigid with the schedule. If she wants wine at 3 have some non dinner bottles.

Lighten up

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time MIL visits, it’s the same thing. Because our house is centrally located and we have lots of space, we host a lot of holidays, including overnight visitors. DH and I always have the house professionally cleaned, it is nicely decorated, and we stock up on lots of food and beverages. Meals are planned and prepared and get lots of compliments. It is a lot of work.

I can’t stand how MIL fusses over things, gets in the way, messes with our flow and our plans, and offers me things in my own home. *I* set up coffee and am hard at work making breakfast for everyone, and when it’s all set out, she offers it to me as if she has made it. She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.

Your DH can be honest in a kind manner and let her know what she needs to do to be a good family guest. Just letting differences brew keeps adding resentments. While at it, ask her if she would like to pitch in with a side dish or a drink and take over an easy assigned chore to contribute and help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it that for an organized and tired hostess, someone disturbing the rhythm even with good intentions can be seriously overwhelming. To make it easy on yourself, move into a smaller house in another town with no direct flights so you aren't the default hostess.