So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

"Run our show?" Why is this a show? OP alleged kitchen was "open." So is it really open for the hungrier, or is this really a "show" in which you believe you are a star when in reality getting people fed shouldn't be a Broadway musical. Hungry? There's food, wanna drink, there's beverages. How freaking hard is that? This shouldn't be a game of hide and seek.

Some people put more effort into holiday meals and cocktail hours than putting some cheese cubes and Wheat Thins, but you do you.

Curious that OP has never come back to mention what was so special about the 5pm appetizers/cocktail hour. Was she going to put out some basic grub and be al “ta da!” About it? Given that she was so short on wine it could not be that amazing.

She didn't say she was short on wine. She said the wine her MIL got out was for dinner.

You people who just open whatever box you have nearby don't get it, but certain wines go with certain meals. When I throw holiday events, especially those over multiple days, I do choose the wine that goes with each meal. If you drink whatever you want and we end up with only Pinot Noir with the chicken enchiladas I'm going to be annoyed.

Box wine? Oh honey. Don’t put on airs about wine pairing and serve boxed wine.

Oh, honey. Reading comprehension is not your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

"Run our show?" Why is this a show? OP alleged kitchen was "open." So is it really open for the hungrier, or is this really a "show" in which you believe you are a star when in reality getting people fed shouldn't be a Broadway musical. Hungry? There's food, wanna drink, there's beverages. How freaking hard is that? This shouldn't be a game of hide and seek.

Some people put more effort into holiday meals and cocktail hours than putting some cheese cubes and Wheat Thins, but you do you.

Curious that OP has never come back to mention what was so special about the 5pm appetizers/cocktail hour. Was she going to put out some basic grub and be al “ta da!” About it? Given that she was so short on wine it could not be that amazing.

She didn't say she was short on wine. She said the wine her MIL got out was for dinner.

You people who just open whatever box you have nearby don't get it, but certain wines go with certain meals. When I throw holiday events, especially those over multiple days, I do choose the wine that goes with each meal. If you drink whatever you want and we end up with only Pinot Noir with the chicken enchiladas I'm going to be annoyed.

Box wine? Oh honey. Don’t put on airs about wine pairing and serve boxed wine.

Oh, honey. Reading comprehension is not your thing.

Look, if you have so little wine that you might run out and 'only' have pinot noir left for one meal then you aren't anyone who has much credibility about wine or hosting. Buy more wine if you host wine drinkers. Also people who enjoy wine and know about wine have lots of wine. It's laughable how posh and formal some of you are trying to come off as but you give yourselves away with these tells.

[Anonymous]

My Mil did this at my wedding dinner, she actually picked up a plate and offered it to me at the table, as if she were the hostess. I could have smashed it over her head, I really could. I paid for everything and invited everyone she was completely not a part of the wedding at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

I

So

Relate.

I feel myself getting triggered just reading this! Consider yourself seen and sympathized with, OP.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

If you don’t like being hosted by people who have things set out and done a certain way at certain times, you are welcome to stay elsewhere. Don’t accept hospitality if you can’t go along with what your host is doing.

We no longer stay with my ILs because they are controlling and weird about food. It makes me roll my eyes when DCUMmers complain about the family and food thing every year. Stay elsewhere, or don’t visit at all. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

Who eats breakfast at 7am on vacation?? I'm sleeping in until 9am at least. Muffins and bagels are on the counter in their packaging. Coffee maker pre-set to start at 8:30. I tell guests if you want it sooner, press the On button.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

Who eats breakfast at 7am on vacation?? I'm sleeping in until 9am at least. Muffins and bagels are on the counter in their packaging. Coffee maker pre-set to start at 8:30. I tell guests if you want it sooner, press the On button.

I like how you roll.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

Lol at "who doesn't do that?"

Lady, pretty sure 99% of people have family holiday dinners without catering equipment, chafing dishes, etc

Haha, also, no one under the age of 65 says “booze” and expects people to be impressed by an “island display of chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers.”

+1. “Booze?” PP must be 75.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she feels like she should be sharing hosting duties as the MIL, but she doesn't actually want or know how to do that, so she "helps" by offering the things you've already prepared on her own timeline.

I agree, it's annoying. Don't think there's much you can do, other than the gentle corrections you've described so far.

The people in the thread saying you're a terrible hostess because you don't have a constantly-refreshed full open bar buffet like a cruise ship or a Vegas casino are bending over backwards in order to be contrarian. You're clearly in the right.

+1000. This nails it. So tired of the annoying poster who insists this is about OP closing off access to any food. It’s not.

It’s hilarious that some of you are imagining an alternate reality where mil made the prime rib, lasagna and cheesecake a 3pm snack. Come on.

OK, I re-read the OP, and it totally sounds like MIL got out items that were meant for cocktail hour. Because then DH re-directed her and said "X and Y" were for cocktail hour, and the wine she was bringing out was actually for dinner. Let's say "X" is shrimp cocktail and "Y" is a cheese plate. Does that help you out?

You finally read the Op and see how ridiculous this has gotten? OP isn’t mad about the food but you all are. People are getting outraged over imaginary scenarios. Its bizarre.

The whole premise is yes, one of the things she is upset about is the fact that MIL was breaking out cocktail hour fare and dinner wine before it was time for either. You really need to brush up on your reading comprehension. -np

Says the person whi never read the OP.

Sorry, hunny! It’s right here:

“Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.”

So yes, imagine “X” is shrimp and “Y” is cheese. That is one of the things OP is upset about. And it’s valid.

"Run our show?" Why is this a show? OP alleged kitchen was "open." So is it really open for the hungrier, or is this really a "show" in which you believe you are a star when in reality getting people fed shouldn't be a Broadway musical. Hungry? There's food, wanna drink, there's beverages. How freaking hard is that? This shouldn't be a game of hide and seek.

Some people put more effort into holiday meals and cocktail hours than putting some cheese cubes and Wheat Thins, but you do you.

Curious that OP has never come back to mention what was so special about the 5pm appetizers/cocktail hour. Was she going to put out some basic grub and be al “ta da!” About it? Given that she was so short on wine it could not be that amazing.

She didn't say she was short on wine. She said the wine her MIL got out was for dinner.

You people who just open whatever box you have nearby don't get it, but certain wines go with certain meals. When I throw holiday events, especially those over multiple days, I do choose the wine that goes with each meal. If you drink whatever you want and we end up with only Pinot Noir with the chicken enchiladas I'm going to be annoyed.

Box wine? Oh honey. Don’t put on airs about wine pairing and serve boxed wine.

Sweetheart, she isn’t serving boxed wine. That was a jab at you and your cronies, suggesting that you are.

I’m so embarrassed for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

Who eats breakfast at 7am on vacation?? I'm sleeping in until 9am at least. Muffins and bagels are on the counter in their packaging. Coffee maker pre-set to start at 8:30. I tell guests if you want it sooner, press the On button.

You are really rigid in your thinking. If OP’s like me, she might make something hot or start setting out breakfast things around 7. If someone later wants to wander down at 9 and get a muffin and heat up some of the eggs I made earlier, they’re welcome to it. Why do I make hot breakfast around 7? Because my dad has been up since around 5:30 drinking coffee, and my baby wakes up around 6:30. If mom and DH want to sleep in, they are welcome to do so. Just because food is made and served at X time doesn’t mean a dinner bell is rung and all must participate.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. You MIL sounds so annoying.

[Anonymous]

How has this benign and insignificant thread gone on for 24 pages??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How has this benign and insignificant thread gone on for 24 pages??

Because people like you are commenting rather than passing on by if you’re not interested in “benign” and “insignificant” things? It was significant enough for you to drop a comment, so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all responses but OP seems (partly understandably) stressed by all the expectations she tried to anticipate and fulfill--and so what I'm about to say will prob be rejected.

Things like, "we serve breakfast at 7." Well, there may be good reason for this but what IF, breakfast is not at a set time. Here's a note on the fridge for things they can enjoy for breakfast and bowls are in this cabinet. Doesn't have to be perfect. I wouldn't expect to have every thing the way I want it when Im the guest but appreciate choices.

Who eats breakfast at 7am on vacation?? I'm sleeping in until 9am at least. Muffins and bagels are on the counter in their packaging. Coffee maker pre-set to start at 8:30. I tell guests if you want it sooner, press the On button.

People with young children definitely don’t wait to eat breakfast at 9. And old people. Old people get up early.