Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

"OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?"

His time to pursue you and be all in has gone. To actively pursue you now when you have broken off the relationship twice now, asked for a clean break, and stopped responding through your usual means of communication, is messed up. He has issues. Issues that make the two of you not compatible. You are seeking more. It should not be this difficult so early on. There is no future with this one.

[Anonymous]

He’s boring and has no imagination like one of the PPs said. Why do you have to breakup for him to schedule a couple’s trip? This is a huge effort for him to win you back, this is not who he is. Let this sink in.

[Anonymous]

You obviously didn’t care about him if this is the way you are treating him. Nobody ends an amazing relationship by deleting/blocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You obviously didn’t care about him if this is the way you are treating him. Nobody ends an amazing relationship by deleting/blocking.

She has communicated with him twice now that things are over. He is not accepting or respecting that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You obviously didn’t care about him if this is the way you are treating him. Nobody ends an amazing relationship by deleting/blocking.

She has communicated with him twice now that things are over. He is not accepting or respecting that.

I have to agree with PP. I’m one of the few who think OP should have heard him out, but at this point that ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

I hope he realizes he’s been blocked and runs like hell. 4 months in, they’re exclusive, spend several nights a week together, have met each other’s friends.. sounds like a committed relationship of 4 (or more)months duration to me.


He’s probably feeling blindsided, and I feel bad for him. I’d be grasping too, thinking I *had* been in a happy, (appropriately) committed relationship.

I mean, good for OP to sticking to her ideals, but sometimes yiu have to realize the reality of your situation.

[Anonymous]

Oh , and OP, on the topic of taking trips together… you realize that many people, even those in long term committed relationships, aren’t doing that right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck are you deleting his number as if he’s some jerk who wronged you? And PPs are encouraging this? Why such a black-and-white, extreme response?? You have been with him four measly months! He may just be a guy who prefers to take things a bit slower (an equally valid need!).

You expressed your feelings, he gave you an honest response and wanted to continue to conversation and then you shut things down and deleted his number. I don’t get it.

Of course he might be sincere. He obviously wants to try to find a happy medium (which is appropriate at 4 months; you have not been dating a year+, which is a point where it’s more reasonable to break off a relationship like this). I think it’s worth a try.

Deleting his number is so extreme and makes no sense to me in this context. What exactly has he done wrong? Geez.

It's not that he's done anything wrong, but OP has determined that he can't meet her needs - and so she's trying to self-preserve, because she is tempted to go back to him but knows in her heart of hearts that it leads to heartbreak. She can either deal with the end of the relationship now or she can deal with it a year from now when he's still having to be badgered into making plans more than two days in advance and she still doesnt feel like she has an actual partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, he's tried several times to reach out to you and you continuously shut him down?

That should be a red flag for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he he said he was confused by your definition of "commitment" but understands now, was willing to do it, but your harsh hard-line stubbornness and personal pride and lack of communication/extend an olive branch made him change his mind.

If you react like this to this type of situation, how unreasonable will you be for the larger things in life, other big permanent decisions, and curve balls life throws at you?

This this this

- I want another child NOW
- I want a better car NOW
- I want a bigger house NOW
- I want you to make more money NOW
- I want you to spend less time at work NOW

You don't think 4 MONTHS is a long enough time just to decide if you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend? A lot of these guys are time wasters or only in it for the sex, and it's smart to weed them out.

+1. I’d be offended if after 4 months of 2-3 dates per week someone said they were only 80% sure they wanted to date me.

yeah eff that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

How come he wrote you an email?
You mean: he noticed that you're not responding via text, concluded right away that he was blocked and immediately decided to email you instead?!

I had the same question. Seems like it would have been the perfect time for, say, a phone call.

[Anonymous]

You had walked away, said no and and ended contact.

He pursued. You didn't answer. He persisted. You said NO. He persisted again. You caved and met him.

You meet for coffee. You heard him out and reiterated that things were over.

He persists (by text) and you ask for a clean break.

He persists (by text) and then email.

I would send one last very clear brief email that the non-relationship is over. That you want him to stop contacting and that you will not be responding anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, he's tried several times to reach out to you and you continuously shut him down?

That should be a red flag for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he he said he was confused by your definition of "commitment" but understands now, was willing to do it, but your harsh hard-line stubbornness and personal pride and lack of communication/extend an olive branch made him change his mind.

If you react like this to this type of situation, how unreasonable will you be for the larger things in life, other big permanent decisions, and curve balls life throws at you?

This this this

- I want another child NOW
- I want a better car NOW
- I want a bigger house NOW
- I want you to make more money NOW
- I want you to spend less time at work NOW

You don't think 4 MONTHS is a long enough time just to decide if you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend? A lot of these guys are time wasters or only in it for the sex, and it's smart to weed them out.

+1. I’d be offended if after 4 months of 2-3 dates per week someone said they were only 80% sure they wanted to date me.

yeah eff that

exactly. who hears 80% and thinks "that's good enough for me! i should hang around for a while and show i'm worth that last 20%!" helllllll no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope he realizes he’s been blocked and runs like hell. 4 months in, they’re exclusive, spend several nights a week together, have met each other’s friends.. sounds like a committed relationship of 4 (or more)months duration to me.


He’s probably feeling blindsided, and I feel bad for him. I’d be grasping too, thinking I *had* been in a happy, (appropriately) committed relationship.

I mean, good for OP to sticking to her ideals, but sometimes yiu have to realize the reality of your situation.

Op said she never met his friends, only introduced him to hers. He never called and didn’t make plans with op. It does not sound like he regarded op as his gf, just a hookup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you did the right thing OP. I'm with a guy now who was like this for four months, unwilling to be exclusive even, until we got to four months. I was ready to be exclusive by the end of the first month. We've now been together for a year now, and while I do really like him and spending time with him, his inability to "want" to be with just me for so long really colored the rest of the relationship. Now he's really into me, but I can't really return his enthusiasm for the relationship because of how it started. So, this probably won't last forever.

Nuts. Of course he's into you now, he's had a year to get to know you. How do you know anyone after just one month??

You don't. I wasn't asking him to marry me after a month, just not to actively try to sleep with other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope he realizes he’s been blocked and runs like hell. 4 months in, they’re exclusive, spend several nights a week together, have met each other’s friends.. sounds like a committed relationship of 4 (or more)months duration to me.


He’s probably feeling blindsided, and I feel bad for him. I’d be grasping too, thinking I *had* been in a happy, (appropriately) committed relationship.

I mean, good for OP to sticking to her ideals, but sometimes yiu have to realize the reality of your situation.

Op said she never met his friends, only introduced him to hers. He never called and didn’t make plans with op. It does not sound like he regarded op as his gf, just a hookup.

And why is so such in a rush when she already has kids, and a failed (major) relationship behind her?

This is not a judgement, this is an honest “what’s the rush”?

Finances? Fear of being alone? Wanting a father for your children?