MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 18 pages.
Team new mom.
Talking loudly does not help. Yes, babies fuss for a few minutes, and will go right back to sleep if there’s no stimulation. Grandma talking loudly is stimulation the parents did not want.

It doesn't sound like it bothered the baby at all. Only 4 minutes of crying, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 18 pages.
Team new mom.
Talking loudly does not help. Yes, babies fuss for a few minutes, and will go right back to sleep if there’s no stimulation. Grandma talking loudly is stimulation the parents did not want.

I am skeptical of OP's version of events. It's likely the crying was a lot louder and longer than OP thinks it was or admits it was. @ people going in and out of a bathroom, makes nose. I also doubt MIL was that loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to grandparents. They really want to help, don’t know how to help, and rarely get it right the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

So, if you know it's going to happen, wouldn't you maybe switch something up? Take the baby downstairs? Alter the sacred routine? Anything? Because clearly the "routine" doesn't work in Grandma's house.

Yes— if it were me, I would have moved to an AirBnB on the third night when it was clear my requests to be left in peace was not being respected.

I never would have agreed to the overnight to start with, but I agree with the last 2 pps, either change things up or just deal with it for a few more nights, go home, and realize we made a mistake and never do it again, no need for the drama and nastiness from OP and her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

DP. I have three kids and only find "help" helpful when it's on my terms. I'm not worried about being judged and I don't need free childcare. Luckily, my parents and ILs are normal people who understand - and enjoy! - their role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it blow over. She probably wanted to help. You were annoyed and sleep deprived, and everyone struggled with the change of routine related to overnight travel/hosting.

+1. Unless she's normally a horrible person, she's a grandmother and excited the baby was there and of course distressed by the tears.

My parents let me CIO from the time I was born, that was the 70s and it was what was expected. However, my mom shared when my own kids were infants that it was awful to hear them cry and it always woke her and pulled at her heart. No malice, just a desire to help since she was awake.

This. I tend to see the best in people though, so I'm going to assume OP is just a tired new mom and is overreacting to something innocuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

DP. I have three kids and only find "help" helpful when it's on my terms. I'm not worried about being judged and I don't need free childcare. Luckily, my parents and ILs are normal people who understand - and enjoy! - their role.

Okay so when you had a new baby did you bring your child to your parents/inlaws house and then get pissed at them for offering to help when the child was crying at night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

So you're just a nasty person at heart anyone who doesn't agree with you you must attack. But just for funsies only 2 of my 4 babies are bio the other 2 are adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

DP. I have three kids and only find "help" helpful when it's on my terms. I'm not worried about being judged and I don't need free childcare. Luckily, my parents and ILs are normal people who understand - and enjoy! - their role.

I'm not sure what kind of "help" you thought I was referring to. I was thinking along the lines of when the baby is crying and wanting to be nursed a grandparent can play with or distract another child. Without being too worried about what they were playing, or what snack they were eating, things I might have been more uptight about when there was only 1. I think most people loosen up after the first and stop trying to control every little thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to grandparents. They really want to help, don’t know how to help, and rarely get it right the first time.

So you tell them what would actually be helpful. " Hey MIL, I'd love to catch a few extra hours of sleep in the morning, do you think you could look after baby for 1-2 hrs after I feed her?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what a crisis it is to OP that MIL was in the hall, and inquiring if they needed help. Maybe she is trying to keep FIL from being woken up as well? Maybe she was also waiting to use the restroom? Maybe as she was up, she was going to get a tea or something? Maybe she couldn’t go back to sleep and was walking around her home? Why does it have to be awful and meddling, can’t it just be that she is up as well? It doesn’t sound like she complained, she just checked in. This was prowling and being annoying, apparently. MILs can’t do anything right.. next post will be “MIL never helps!”

Yep. OP will be complaining her MIL doesn’t care about her kids.