MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

That is harassment?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

DP. It's her house, but it's OP's baby. The grandparents don't get a vote or any control over how the baby is cared for. They were told the routine in advance and told no help was needed multiple nights in a row. What possible reason is there for continuing to harass the parents in the middle of the night?

You don't get to come to someone's house and demand everything revolves around your routine.

Well, now they’re not going to “come into MIL’s house” anymore, so she’s all set and had better not utter not one syllable of complaint about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

So, if you know it's going to happen, wouldn't you maybe switch something up? Take the baby downstairs? Alter the sacred routine? Anything? Because clearly the "routine" doesn't work in Grandma's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

Some of you have major issues. You hatred of all people who dared to birth a son is psychipathic.

The son she birthed is the one who didn’t want to stay with her, and is now saying they won’t stay with her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time parents are so precious.

I have multiple kids, the oldest of whom is a teen, and I agree completely with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

Some of you have major issues. You hatred of all people who dared to birth a son is psychipathic.

The son she birthed is the one who didn’t want to stay with her, and is now saying they won’t stay with her again.

Never ever? Can you quote that part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

Some of you have major issues. You hatred of all people who dared to birth a son is psychipathic.

I’m sorry you’re so hysterical. Must be hard living that way.

[Anonymous]

ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mistakes of first-timers.

1. You don't stay over people's houses when your kid isn't STTN. YOu get a hotel, you get an Airbnb stay home.


2. You don't go to someone else's house and demand they change their routine to accommodate you. You and your DH were rude here.


3. It sounds like your MIL was offering to help, maybe she thought you would appreciate someone else holding the baby or changing a diaper/feeding so you could get some sleep. Given your attitude, you would be here complaining if she didn't offer.

4. You were rude.


5/ How you solve this call MIL apologize for being brusk and pushing her., you were tired and didn't realize how difficult it would be traveling with a new baby. You see now that she was just trying to help and you appreciate that. With that in mind overnight visits will have to wait until baby is sleeping through the night.

Nope, MIL being pushy and loud and not listening to or respecting her guests’ wishes was also rude. OP/her husband offered to stay in a hotel, and it was the ILs who asked for baby to stay under their roof. Oh well! No more overnight visits with your grandbaby. Bet the other set of parents who listen and respect the new parents will get more time and overnight visits with grandbaby. MIL and FIL will have to content themselves with hotel visits, or they can darn well drive five hours themselves. Oh well!

This. The real takeaway is never stay with MiL overnight again. Hotels and AirBnBs from now on, I would say even after STTN as another poster pointed out kids don’t always do well in new places. If MIL gets upset just say it was clearly too big of a disturbance to her last time.

-1 I don't see a MIL being rude or pushy. I see someone who wanted to see her grandchild. Probably figured she could help with the baby's routine and maybe give mom and dad a break. Didn't realize how rigid and rude her DIL was.

Yep. Three years from now OP will be complaining that her MIL never helps and how much they hate each other. I can never figure out DIL can be so disrespectful to mother of their husband. And I don’t believe for a minute OP would behave this way with her own mother, in her mother’s house. No way, no how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Exactly. Problem solved.

Some of you have major issues. You hatred of all people who dared to birth a son is psychipathic.

I’m sorry you’re so hysterical. Must be hard living that way.

Your reply doesn't make any sense dear, which basically proves my point you just hate MILs, to a psychopathic level so any thread involving a MIL you spread your vitriol even if said MIL's behavior isn't bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

[Anonymous]

Wow, 18 pages.
Team new mom.
Talking loudly does not help. Yes, babies fuss for a few minutes, and will go right back to sleep if there’s no stimulation. Grandma talking loudly is stimulation the parents did not want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

So, if you know it's going to happen, wouldn't you maybe switch something up? Take the baby downstairs? Alter the sacred routine? Anything? Because clearly the "routine" doesn't work in Grandma's house.

Yes— if it were me, I would have moved to an AirBnB on the third night when it was clear my requests to be left in peace was not being respected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.