MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

We talked about it, just like OP and her husband seem to have tried to do. I have asked both my mom and my MiL not to do certain things that were very normal in their day, and they have never done them, and it’s never been a problem. They are confident in their roles and don’t need to be pushy. If I asked them not to do something and they did it over and over, I might not have yelled but I certainly wouldn’t have continued to stay with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to grandparents. They really want to help, don’t know how to help, and rarely get it right the first time.

Dumbest statement on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what a crisis it is to OP that MIL was in the hall, and inquiring if they needed help. Maybe she is trying to keep FIL from being woken up as well? Maybe she was also waiting to use the restroom? Maybe as she was up, she was going to get a tea or something? Maybe she couldn’t go back to sleep and was walking around her home? Why does it have to be awful and meddling, can’t it just be that she is up as well? It doesn’t sound like she complained, she just checked in. This was prowling and being annoying, apparently. MILs can’t do anything right.. next post will be “MIL never helps!”

Yea I do not get it. It’s her house, she kept asking to help, you keep saying no.
It was your being rude that pushed her off, not being awakened. What part of that do you not understand?
You can have them visit in your basement guest suite but if you Continue to be rude you’ll get the same response.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

We talked about it, just like OP and her husband seem to have tried to do. I have asked both my mom and my MiL not to do certain things that were very normal in their day, and they have never done them, and it’s never been a problem. They are confident in their roles and don’t need to be pushy. If I asked them not to do something and they did it over and over, I might not have yelled but I certainly wouldn’t have continued to stay with them.

Doesn't sound like there was a discussion in this case just a rundown of the routine and what MIL was not allowed to do in her house. Not exactly great communication. I wonder if the routine was printed and handed out when they arrived?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad I have daughters. I feel really badly for the mothers of sons - it seems like everyone thinks it’s okay for your DIL to dislike you for no reason.

No that's a small but vocal group on DCUM. Those posters have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

So you're just a nasty person at heart anyone who doesn't agree with you you must attack. But just for funsies only 2 of my 4 babies are bio the other 2 are adopted.

And none of them get the full attention and are that they need and deserve. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

We talked about it, just like OP and her husband seem to have tried to do. I have asked both my mom and my MiL not to do certain things that were very normal in their day, and they have never done them, and it’s never been a problem. They are confident in their roles and don’t need to be pushy. If I asked them not to do something and they did it over and over, I might not have yelled but I certainly wouldn’t have continued to stay with them.

Doesn't sound like there was a discussion in this case just a rundown of the routine and what MIL was not allowed to do in her house. Not exactly great communication. I wonder if the routine was printed and handed out when they arrived?

Would it matter? Honestly I think my MIL is great with my daughter so I don’t have this alleged anti-MIL bias, but I would not tolerate my mother OR my MIL repeatedly ignoring my request to be left alone in the middle of the night. If MIL wants the baby to stay there, yes, she has to accept that even in her house there will be things she has to do differently. My mom likes to vacuum in the morning, when the baby and I are sleeping over she can’t even vacuum her own house!! But to her cuddling with her grand baby in the morning is worth it. If it’s not worth it to this MIL to have the time with the baby that’s ok, but she shouldn’t be pressuring them to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

So you're just a nasty person at heart anyone who doesn't agree with you you must attack. But just for funsies only 2 of my 4 babies are bio the other 2 are adopted.

And none of them get the full attention and are that they need and deserve. Got it.

But the poster gets to feel so self satisfied!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

So you're just a nasty person at heart anyone who doesn't agree with you you must attack. But just for funsies only 2 of my 4 babies are bio the other 2 are adopted.

And none of them get the full attention and are that they need and deserve. Got it.

What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

Again, Overbreeders need not chime in. Those with four kids always have at least one feral kid because mom and dad don’t pay actual attention and leave it to the oldest sibling to “help out.” Whatever. Bye.

Did I miss a vote? Don’t remember anyone electing you board monitor and arbiter of who can or cannot post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Agree. It sounds like she was seeing if she could help and keeping boundaries (asking instead of trying to take over). Why does it matter how loud she was if your baby was already crying?

Perhaps in your tired state you felt judged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

OMG.

They “told her what would be helpful” before they ever came.
They told her again on the second night.
And the third night.
Rinse, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ANd let's be real for a moment.

The real issue is OP wanted to stay in a hotel all along, but her DH said they would stay with mom, and it would be fine, etc. well it wasn't fine, but instead of getting mad at DH OP lashes out at MIL and DH tries to play the hero by saying oh now we'll stay in a hotel.

A damn mess all around

And protip you will regret, fully waking the baby and changing wet diapers over night.

Some babies poop after nursing. Another protip is you will regret leaving your child in their own feces for 6 hours when you see the rash.

She was changing diaper before a feeding, Notice I said wet diaper, not pop. YOu always change a poop. Come talk when you've cared for 4 babies of your own, and cared for 100s more as part of your profession.

I mean the Duggers have more kids than you, does that make them better parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

OMG.

They “told her what would be helpful” before they ever came.
They told her again on the second night.
And the third night.
Rinse, repeat.

So what? Sounds like MIL was concerned. How does she know if this is normal? She might have been worried the baby was getting sick, or was uncomfortable in the house and maybe it was too warm or too cold and maybe she could adjust the thermostat? They were in her house and she probably feels responsible and bad that maybe the baby is having a rough time and she wanted to know if they needed anything. It doesn't make her an evil witch trying to steal the baby away and engage in a power struggle. There are other ways to look at it which you seem incapable of doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

OMG.

They “told her what would be helpful” before they ever came.
They told her again on the second night.
And the third night.
Rinse, repeat.

So what? Sounds like MIL was concerned. How does she know if this is normal? She might have been worried the baby was getting sick, or was uncomfortable in the house and maybe it was too warm or too cold and maybe she could adjust the thermostat? They were in her house and she probably feels responsible and bad that maybe the baby is having a rough time and she wanted to know if they needed anything. It doesn't make her an evil witch trying to steal the baby away and engage in a power struggle. There are other ways to look at it which you seem incapable of doing.

I’m not the poster you quoted. And I think if this had happened once, or twice, that you might be right and she might have felt responsible. It’s the part where she repeatedly ignores their requests that makes me skeptical of this theory. The benefit of the doubt can only extend for so long.

Also; it would make me feel like my MIL (or mother) couldn’t be trusted with instructions, so I would be less likely to leave the baby in her care. Like if she can’t remember “please don’t disturb us at night, we have it under control” how is she going to remember that Larlo has a dangerous nut allergy?