DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Thoughts and prayers to OP’s DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you agree to a call at the same time as his existing call? Why didn't you ask your friend's to do your call Saturday night and he could cover the kids then?

Oh my, you dont get it at all. It's her freaking turn. The husband needs to step up and own up to half of all household and childcare duties. He is lazy and selfish.

A kid watching youtube once on a Friday night (or even every Friday night) is no big deal. What did you do on Friday nights when you were a kid? If the husband is not doing his share of housework/childcare, focus on stuff that really matters like completing homework, cooking meals, doctor appointments, etc.

+1 The projecting on this thread is OTT ridiculous. Making different parenting choices =/= being lazy and selfish and my DH would have had to do something truly terrible or endangering to merit being screamed at in front of his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thoughts and prayers to OP’s DH.

Oh he’ll be fine. He’s having zoom drinks again tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

Ok. I will give you that. If this man is putting both children to bed 6 nights a week while OP does her own thing, and OP only puts the kids to bed this one night a week during his zoom call, then she was wrong for scheduling her call in his night or getting upset when he gave the child screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Let me guess, you're a screamer whenever your DH doesn't parent according to your perfect ideal too, right?

Not at all. You seem very invested in frat night passes tho.

I encourage my husband to foster long-standing supportive friendships, yes. And the reverse is also the case. But then again I believe in being a partner who doesn't freak out over every little thing. We have rational discussions about how to divvy up responsibilities, not embarrassing scream fests over minor transgressions.

Same. Which is why when he asks for a change in our schedule I’m there for him. I pull through. I don’t halfway handle something and then turn it around on him. I hear and meet his needs, he does the same.

He handled it just fine, but not up to OP's rigid standard. Kid was safe and fine, would have drifted off to sleep. For most rational people, would not have been an issue beyond possible "hey, next time I'd appreciate it if you do it X way for Y reason (if there is a logical Y reason in this case)..."

[Anonymous]

I see some of you missed that the kid wasn’t even in their room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see some of you missed that the kid wasn’t even in their room.

They were shelved, like a book until mom came to bed to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

Ok. I will give you that. If this man is putting both children to bed 6 nights a week while OP does her own thing, and OP only puts the kids to bed this one night a week during his zoom call, then she was wrong for scheduling her call in his night or getting upset when he gave the child screens.

He doesn't have to put the kids down the other 6 nights for this to be a non-issue, simply pull his weight in general. That part we don't know but since she didn't mention a pattern I feel comfortable presuming this is a one-off. Again, she didn't like that he didn't do it her way--the kid was content and not disruptive to her call.

[Anonymous]

This is not a real problem. You are creating them. But don’t worry you will understand what real problems are when you are divorced and putting kids to bed for the 1,435th time alone, have no zoom calls, and have to worry about whether or not you can keep the lights on. Seriously, unclench. If you are this miserable over a ten minute bedtime routine you must be miserable all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. These posts are in bizarro world. OP, rest assured every rational, logical person with cognitive function who reads your post would side with you.

+1.

Agree.

+3.
Thank god my husband isn’t like this, but I do have some co-workers who are. It drives me insane. If you agree to do something, then just do it.

I wonder if he acts this way at work or just with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just kill his plans. There is nothing wrong with a kid staying up late watching a movie once in a pandemic. Did he put the kid to bed when he was done with the call? That would have been my sticking point.

We'll never know, since OP screamed at him in the middle of his call. In all likelihood kid would have drifted off to sleep then DH would have carried to his bed later. Kid was calm and happy. Hardly a big deal.

This. How anyone can think the husband deserved being screamed at publicly is just a little insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

Ok. I will give you that. If this man is putting both children to bed 6 nights a week while OP does her own thing, and OP only puts the kids to bed this one night a week during his zoom call, then she was wrong for scheduling her call in his night or getting upset when he gave the child screens.

He doesn't have to put the kids down the other 6 nights for this to be a non-issue, simply pull his weight in general. That part we don't know but since she didn't mention a pattern I feel comfortable presuming this is a one-off. Again, she didn't like that he didn't do it her way--the kid was content and not disruptive to her call.

This post is too sensible for this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just kill his plans. There is nothing wrong with a kid staying up late watching a movie once in a pandemic. Did he put the kid to bed when he was done with the call? That would have been my sticking point.

We'll never know, since OP screamed at him in the middle of his call. In all likelihood kid would have drifted off to sleep then DH would have carried to his bed later. Kid was calm and happy. Hardly a big deal.

This. How anyone can think the husband deserved being screamed at publicly is just a little insane.

I mean how public was it? A few guys who he has a relationship with. Who are also on zoom and most likely have kids and understand that stuff like this comes up. Shouldn’t, but it does. And only had to do was hit mute or turn his camera off to talk to his wife for a few minutes. And maybe say goodbye and help with the kids. It was t like it was on live tv. Let’s not make it into something more than it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just kill his plans. There is nothing wrong with a kid staying up late watching a movie once in a pandemic. Did he put the kid to bed when he was done with the call? That would have been my sticking point.

We'll never know, since OP screamed at him in the middle of his call. In all likelihood kid would have drifted off to sleep then DH would have carried to his bed later. Kid was calm and happy. Hardly a big deal.

This. How anyone can think the husband deserved being screamed at publicly is just a little insane.

I've been married for 16 years and never once have I screamed at my husband in public or in front of his friends. And for something so trivial? Good lord. If OP comes back and explains that DH is a terrible lazy parent as a rule, I'll be more sympathetic but no marriage will survive the lack of effort to resolve differences in a rational and mature way. Especially if you're simply screaming at your partner to *follow your rules or else.*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see some of you missed that the kid wasn’t even in their room.

They were shelved, like a book until mom came to bed to manage.

I would have hopped in bed and snuggled with my kid.

Dad could move the kid or sleep elsewhere.

This literally happened in my house last week. NBD.