DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

Most likely then too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advice for all younger women.
Do what you like and want and do it on regular basis. Nothing worse than a resentful spouse who is nasty, biting, but never actually goes to do things that they want.
Do you know how your male partner does this? Doesn't ask your permission for a simple thing as a zoom call? Do the same.
I go skiing on my own. I used to go to the movies, on my own. I go shopping on my own. I go on 2 hours walks, on my own(ok there is the dog too!).
I travel to Europe, on my own. I go on beach vacations on my own. I am also a great mom and a wife, and I do not resent my DH when he does things on his own.
You are welcome.

This all of this.

If only the OP’s husband thought like you two: “I do things on my own. I am also a great husband and father, and I do not resent my DW or act passive aggressive when she does things on her own.”

OP could have had time with her friends. Her time with her friends was sabotaged by her own doing not her DH.

So?
He still didn’t need to act resentful and passive aggressive that she was doing her thing. Right?

He didn't. He parented and caused no harm to the child or disruption to OP's call. She manufactured drama where there didn't need to be any, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Let me guess, you're a screamer whenever your DH doesn't parent according to your perfect ideal too, right?

[Anonymous]

Op - you are. Tell the kids to, "go to bed" and insist they go to bed. That can do that without "a bedtime routine". Especially once in awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

Most likely then too.

You don't know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - you are. Tell the kids to, "go to bed" and insist they go to bed. That can do that without "a bedtime routine". Especially once in awhile.

Do you even know how old the kids are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t just kill his plans. There is nothing wrong with a kid staying up late watching a movie once in a pandemic. Did he put the kid to bed when he was done with the call? That would have been my sticking point.

We'll never know, since OP screamed at him in the middle of his call. In all likelihood kid would have drifted off to sleep then DH would have carried to his bed later. Kid was calm and happy. Hardly a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Let me guess, you're a screamer whenever your DH doesn't parent according to your perfect ideal too, right?

Not at all. You seem very invested in frat night passes tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you agree to a call at the same time as his existing call? Why didn't you ask your friend's to do your call Saturday night and he could cover the kids then?

Oh my, you dont get it at all. It's her freaking turn. The husband needs to step up and own up to half of all household and childcare duties. He is lazy and selfish.

A kid watching youtube once on a Friday night (or even every Friday night) is no big deal. What did you do on Friday nights when you were a kid? If the husband is not doing his share of housework/childcare, focus on stuff that really matters like completing homework, cooking meals, doctor appointments, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advice for all younger women.
Do what you like and want and do it on regular basis. Nothing worse than a resentful spouse who is nasty, biting, but never actually goes to do things that they want.
Do you know how your male partner does this? Doesn't ask your permission for a simple thing as a zoom call? Do the same.
I go skiing on my own. I used to go to the movies, on my own. I go shopping on my own. I go on 2 hours walks, on my own(ok there is the dog too!).
I travel to Europe, on my own. I go on beach vacations on my own. I am also a great mom and a wife, and I do not resent my DH when he does things on his own.
You are welcome.

This all of this.

If only the OP’s husband thought like you two: “I do things on my own. I am also a great husband and father, and I do not resent my DW or act passive aggressive when she does things on her own.”

OP could have had time with her friends. Her time with her friends was sabotaged by her own doing not her DH.

So?
He still didn’t need to act resentful and passive aggressive that she was doing her thing. Right?

He didn't. He parented and caused no harm to the child or disruption to OP's call. She manufactured drama where there didn't need to be any, period.

No. He manufactured the drama by being an ass.
If you steal someone’s money, and they get upset, you don’t say that no harm was caused, and the upset person is manufacturing drama where there didn’t need to be any.
You apologize for stealing, give the money back, and live with feeling a little ashamed for your actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Let me guess, you're a screamer whenever your DH doesn't parent according to your perfect ideal too, right?

Not at all. You seem very invested in frat night passes tho.

I encourage my husband to foster long-standing supportive friendships, yes. And the reverse is also the case. But then again I believe in being a partner who doesn't freak out over every little thing. We have rational discussions about how to divvy up responsibilities, not embarrassing scream fests over minor transgressions.

[Anonymous]

He messed up and got called on it. He was embarrassed in front of his bros. Poor buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you are. Tell the kids to, "go to bed" and insist they go to bed. That can do that without "a bedtime routine". Especially once in awhile.

Do you even know how old the kids are?

I’m going to guess 5 or 6. Old enough to be in school, but not old enough to read for pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

The histrionics on this thread.

So he allowed a difficult child who wasn't ready to sleep to have electronics one night. Kid was quiet and happy. Could easily have been scooped up and put into his own bed once asleep. And???

Exactly. I really have no idea what OP got so upset about. It would be one thing if the child was upset and disrupted her friends time, but doesn't sound like that was the case. Sounds like everything was just...fine.

I get why she is upset. The only reason her DH could do slack off is because she put the work in every other day to put the child to sleep. It’s like someone taking your filled out punch card and getting the free cup of coffee for themselves.

OP never said that. There is a lot of projecting on this thread.

She has been doing this for the last 50 Friday nights. She said so in the OP.

And the other 6 nights/week?

IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Let me guess, you're a screamer whenever your DH doesn't parent according to your perfect ideal too, right?

Not at all. You seem very invested in frat night passes tho.

I encourage my husband to foster long-standing supportive friendships, yes. And the reverse is also the case. But then again I believe in being a partner who doesn't freak out over every little thing. We have rational discussions about how to divvy up responsibilities, not embarrassing scream fests over minor transgressions.

Same. Which is why when he asks for a change in our schedule I’m there for him. I pull through. I don’t halfway handle something and then turn it around on him. I hear and meet his needs, he does the same.