Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Maybe but why would a woman ever marry this kind of man? How does it get past the 4th date?

Because women are taught sex is not that important. Well, it is. It was bad when dating. I am divorced. Also, he turned into a jerk.

So weird to me how people who get divorced cannot take one bit of responsibility for how things went wrong. Can't even take responsibility for choosing someone who is bad in bed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

Sure, that’s totally possible. But I understood that this thread was a support group for men who were unhappy with the amount of sex in their marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

Sure, that’s totally possible. But I understood that this thread was a support group for men who were unhappy with the amount of sex in their marriage?

Right, and then it devolved into talking about all the ways that men are bad partners (and therefore not deserving of a good sex life). And I just found it odd that there was no discussion of ways that wives could better meet the emotional and physical needs of their husbands, and how that might make men be the partners that women want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

Sure, that’s totally possible. But I understood that this thread was a support group for men who were unhappy with the amount of sex in their marriage?

Right, and then it devolved into talking about all the ways that men are bad partners (and therefore not deserving of a good sex life). And I just found it odd that there was no discussion of ways that wives could better meet the emotional and physical needs of their husbands, and how that might make men be the partners that women want.

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But she needs to sleep in! It's hard sending emails and surfing Instagram all day long.

Oh, come on. She also needs to shop for that jokey wine-themed wall decoration and train to walk a half-marathon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

Sure, that’s totally possible. But I understood that this thread was a support group for men who were unhappy with the amount of sex in their marriage?

Right, and then it devolved into talking about all the ways that men are bad partners (and therefore not deserving of a good sex life). And I just found it odd that there was no discussion of ways that wives could better meet the emotional and physical needs of their husbands, and how that might make men be the partners that women want.

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I agree. And it's a shame that so many women on this thread seem to have made bad choices for marriage. Or maybe worse, foolishly thought they could change the man after marriage. I'm just amazed at the lack of self-reflection in threads like these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

There seems to be a school of thought that regards this sort of giving from wife to husband as some sort of concession to the patriarchy. This thread is full of commenters who, judging from their posts, really despise men on a fundamental level. It's tough to imagine them being loving and supportive toward a husband. Or, maybe they just hate the idea of men even though "some of their best friends are male."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But she needs to sleep in! It's hard sending emails and surfing Instagram all day long.

Oh, come on. She also needs to shop for that jokey wine-themed wall decoration and train to walk a half-marathon.

Sounds like your wife is a SAHM who takes care of your kids and house, while you hang out on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I mean, sometimes? Libido just isn't that simple. It's not a morality play where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. Sometimes good people have bad sex lives, and sometimes bad people have good sex lives.

[Anonymous]

I never knew what mind blowing sex was until I got a divorce. I settled for safe and boring. So glad I woke up and got on with living. Life is too short to settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I mean, sometimes? Libido just isn't that simple. It's not a morality play where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. Sometimes good people have bad sex lives, and sometimes bad people have good sex lives.

Absent bad luck, there are a lot of things in your control. My husband is an active partner in all things home and family, and in our relationship as well. He has it as much as he wants whenever he wants. I don’t have to ask him to do things and trust me he isn’t complaining about what he gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I mean, sometimes? Libido just isn't that simple. It's not a morality play where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. Sometimes good people have bad sex lives, and sometimes bad people have good sex lives.

Absent bad luck, there are a lot of things in your control. My husband is an active partner in all things home and family, and in our relationship as well. He has it as much as he wants whenever he wants. I don’t have to ask him to do things and trust me he isn’t complaining about what he gets.

Seems like a weird way to look at it. What "he gets"? Like a trade of services. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I mean, sometimes? Libido just isn't that simple. It's not a morality play where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. Sometimes good people have bad sex lives, and sometimes bad people have good sex lives.

Absent bad luck, there are a lot of things in your control. My husband is an active partner in all things home and family, and in our relationship as well. He has it as much as he wants whenever he wants. I don’t have to ask him to do things and trust me he isn’t complaining about what he gets.

Seems like a weird way to look at it. What "he gets"? Like a trade of services. So weird.

No trade. It’s just a way of saying he receives a lot of love and attention and affection, and is very satisfied with his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The thing is...there are already men who are the partners women want. They’re the ones having regular sex because they meet their spouses needs. There’s no need to try to “fix” a man (and really nor should someone try) if he doesn’t want to fix himself. There are plenty of men who will meet those needs.

I mean, sometimes? Libido just isn't that simple. It's not a morality play where the good guys win and the bad guys lose. Sometimes good people have bad sex lives, and sometimes bad people have good sex lives.

Absent bad luck, there are a lot of things in your control. My husband is an active partner in all things home and family, and in our relationship as well. He has it as much as he wants whenever he wants. I don’t have to ask him to do things and trust me he isn’t complaining about what he gets.

Seems like a weird way to look at it. What "he gets"? Like a trade of services. So weird.

No trade. It’s just a way of saying he receives a lot of love and attention and affection, and is very satisfied with his marriage.

Good! Glad it's working out for you two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband who is in sexless marriage, but it’s because my wife is chronically ill. I do a stressful job, 90 percent of childcare not covered by a nanny. Nearly all chores that are not outsourced as well. I would be up for sex every day if it was possible.

The women on this board who throw their relationships away because they are “frazzled” deserve the divorces that are in their future.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, a lot of divorced are people who sabotage their relationships by withholding affection and sex. It's a power play and one that always backfires with cheating and divorce. But you don't realize your mistake until the damage is done

men seem to also withhold being a full partner. They seem to think if they unload the dishwasher once, then that means that they contributed and they should get sex that night.

Maybe the men would be better partners if they felt loved and supported?

Sure, that’s totally possible. But I understood that this thread was a support group for men who were unhappy with the amount of sex in their marriage?

Great point.

They should sit down together tonight and answer that question:
Wifey, what makes you feel loved and supported?

Hubby, what makes you feel loved and supported?

THen do them all. Lots of examples on this thread to what the likely replies will be. Don't be so dense. Think about them.