husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt your husband would actually divorce over this.

Why not? I would. At this point, OP better not actually have a mis carriage because there is no way the husband will believer her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.

Do you consider riding in a car to be playing Russian roulette? What about flying in a plane? Do you let your kids play on swings or a slide? Or is it just women using BC that you consider to be behaving in an unacceptably reckless way?

I’m the one you responded to. I’m pro-choice. However, in this case the OP was reckless because she ABSOLUTELY never wanted more kids. She knows her husband is wishy-washy about this issue, and yet she CHOSE not to do something more permanent and reliable. By constantly harping on about her rights, you’re pretending that she hears no responsibility for this outcome. You can’t claim that she’s a free agent and also claim that she’s somehow an innocent victim. We can argue all we want about the science, but none of that matters to the father of this child because he has a biological connection to him/her. No amount of laws is going to change that.

I forgot to add: when I get into a car, I wear a seatbelt. I choose an airline that has a good safety record and I wear the belt. I let my children play on age-appropriate things and I keep an eye on them. I don’t take stupid risks and then act shocked something bad happens. I can control my own behavior, but not the behavior of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may inherit more than a million and I may inherit nothing, but if you told me I could guarantee it was the million by giving up my sister I’d tell you to GFY.

Which is normal and one of the reasons she keeps getting called a troll. This is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Does DH support abortion in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

+1 Most of these posters can’t seem to comprehend that. This decision is solely the OP’s. If her marriage ends due to her decision to terminate that would be unfortunate but OP is aware of that possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

You’re the one turning this into an abortion debate. We are all aware of what the law is, but we also know what’s involved in a healthy marriage. Those two things are not necessarily the same.

[Anonymous]

I would threaten divorce too. OP is a cold, selfish, money obsessed nut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

Amazing. You agree it’s not that simple and then turn around and say that it’s still only her choice. No, again, it is ultimately her choice. Not only hers. There are other people to consider in this. As for strong chance her marriage is over whichever way she chooses - where do you get that? If her marriage were ending any way, most of us would be telling her to abort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

+1 Most of these posters can’t seem to comprehend that. This decision is solely the OP’s. If her marriage ends due to her decision to terminate that would be unfortunate but OP is aware of that possibility.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.

Do you consider riding in a car to be playing Russian roulette? What about flying in a plane? Do you let your kids play on swings or a slide? Or is it just women using BC that you consider to be behaving in an unacceptably reckless way?

I’m the one you responded to. I’m pro-choice. However, in this case the OP was reckless because she ABSOLUTELY never wanted more kids. She knows her husband is wishy-washy about this issue, and yet she CHOSE not to do something more permanent and reliable. By constantly harping on about her rights, you’re pretending that she hears no responsibility for this outcome. You can’t claim that she’s a free agent and also claim that she’s somehow an innocent victim. We can argue all we want about the science, but none of that matters to the father of this child because he has a biological connection to him/her. No amount of laws is going to change that.

I forgot to add: when I get into a car, I wear a seatbelt. I choose an airline that has a good safety record and I wear the belt. I let my children play on age-appropriate things and I keep an eye on them. I don’t take stupid risks and then act shocked something bad happens. I can control my own behavior, but not the behavior of others.

DP and are you seriously saying that sterilization is the only non risky form of birth control ?? So what if I want to have kids but wait 5 years until I am ready - it’s abstinence or nothing? Come on that’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

Of course it's not simple. This is extremely hard. But it is her body so it's her choice. This thread has turned into an abortion debate and obviously there is more to this than just that.

When it is all said and done it's still only her choice. There is no getting around that. Yes, there is a strong chance her marriage is over no matter which way SHE chooses.

You’re the one turning this into an abortion debate. We are all aware of what the law is, but we also know what’s involved in a healthy marriage. Those two things are not necessarily the same.

There is not a healthy marriage here. That ship passed a long time ago. Her DH said one and done. So why isn't he one and done???? That's not ok. Her DC now lives in a house with people walking on egg shells is that good of course not. Still doesn't change a thing. She and only she has a choice to make. It's not simple , it's hard. So, so hard. No other way to say it on an on line forum. She asked on Social Media! I repeat again Her Body Her Choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.

Do you consider riding in a car to be playing Russian roulette? What about flying in a plane? Do you let your kids play on swings or a slide? Or is it just women using BC that you consider to be behaving in an unacceptably reckless way?

I’m the one you responded to. I’m pro-choice. However, in this case the OP was reckless because she ABSOLUTELY never wanted more kids. She knows her husband is wishy-washy about this issue, and yet she CHOSE not to do something more permanent and reliable. By constantly harping on about her rights, you’re pretending that she hears no responsibility for this outcome. You can’t claim that she’s a free agent and also claim that she’s somehow an innocent victim. We can argue all we want about the science, but none of that matters to the father of this child because he has a biological connection to him/her. No amount of laws is going to change that.

I forgot to add: when I get into a car, I wear a seatbelt. I choose an airline that has a good safety record and I wear the belt. I let my children play on age-appropriate things and I keep an eye on them. I don’t take stupid risks and then act shocked something bad happens. I can control my own behavior, but not the behavior of others.

DP and are you seriously saying that sterilization is the only non risky form of birth control ?? So what if I want to have kids but wait 5 years until I am ready - it’s abstinence or nothing? Come on that’s ridiculous.

DP. You have to weigh the risks and benefits. If you know you want kids later, sterilization and subsequent reversal are too risky, so you go with a lesser method while acknowledging the risk that you could get pregnant anyway. If you know you definitely don’t want kids later, and that it might be a conflict in your marriage if you accidentally get pregnant (such as because your spouse has changed his mind before on kids), then you take stronger measures. We know we truly needed to not get pregnant again, so DH got a vasectomy and I have an IUD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

JFC she was using birth control. You act like she just winged it and figured what the hell. The vast majority of women simply use birth control and don't have their tubes tied. What a crock of crap you're trying to sell.

Are you stupid? If you never want to call pregnant, get your tubes tied. Stop siding with her JUST BECAUSE she’s female.

Are YOU stupid? Tubal ligations and vasectomies also fail. Where did I even mention siding with anyone based on gender? MOST women use birth control- how is that siding with her because she’s a woman?? You really aren’t that bright.

[Anonymous]

If you really wanted to abort it, you could have done so without telling your DH. The fact that you told him, opens the door for him to want it. How you feel now, may not be how you feel later. Nature has a way of giving you hormones that cause you to love your baby. Parenting is also extremely difficult and it would be a shame for a baby to not have two loving parents. How you feel about your DD you may feel about another child. To me it seems like you missed your chance at aborting it, by telling your DH. Now you may as well carry it to term, see how you feel, or let your husband have it and divorce him. See a counselor as soon as possible.