husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You could live to be 100 yrs old or older. Your kid better be able to support herself without the inheritance. Ultimately it is your choice. Make sure you are okay being a single parent though.

And your kid will have to take care of you all by herself.

Luckily when my mom was dying of breast cancer I had my sister around for support and to share the work load.

There is nothing written down to say that children have to take care of their parents. Ridiculous.

No, there isn’t. But you must hate your parents if you aren’t helping them in their old age. Most of us aren’t that dysfunctional.

Judging again. Not dysfunctional realistic. Keep trying to push the agenda that she should have a sibling for her current child ,on the off chance she gets sick or needs help when she ages.....

Let's look at this another way. Let's say she ends up having a child that needs care for the rest of their life. Should current DD have to take care of their sibling when theiir parents die???? Is it mandatory, no.

This is op's decision, period, the end.

Off chance? Off chance that one might get sick or need help as one ages?


Bwahhahahahahaha. “Off chance.” You should go into comedy!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your one child’s inheritance is your main concern? How about focusing on the great aspects of having a sibling instead.

My favorite saying about siblings: only your sibling will remember your childhood and what your parents were like as parents. Only siblings will ever know the whole story of your life intimately.

Plus my best friend in the world is an only child. Now that her parents are hitting their 80s, the burden of taking care of them is entirely on her. She has watched my siblings and me care for both of our parents through their final illnesses, and she is seeing her DH and their siblings cope with their parents. And she is alone in this burden. Both her DH and I are as helpful and supportive as we can be, but it’s not the same. It absolutely concerns me about what happens for her when they are gone, too. That’s far more important than an inheritance for a competent adult.

Having a sibling is not a reason for OP to continue the pregnancy.

But having her current only child have an inheritance is a reason to terminate??? Really? They are two sides of the same coin.

It doesn't matter what her reasons are. They are hers to decide. Her body, her choice, no judgement.

True in theory, but in this case there are huge consequences that also affect her and her family. Given the current situation, there's no way she ends up with a termination and happy marriage and intact family. I have sympathy for the OP, but it's not simply all about "me me me".

Those huge consequences are because he’s changed his mind off what they previously agreed to, and is now issuing a massively unfair ultimatum unless he gets his way. It’s all him, him, him as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

JFC she was using birth control. You act like she just winged it and figured what the hell. The vast majority of women simply use birth control and don't have their tubes tied. What a crock of crap you're trying to sell.

Are you stupid? If you never want to call pregnant, get your tubes tied. Stop siding with her JUST BECAUSE she’s female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

That is your opinion. It isn't everyone's. Do you always tell people who don't think exactly what you want them to think to just STOP. You sound incredibly controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could live to be 100 yrs old or older. Your kid better be able to support herself without the inheritance. Ultimately it is your choice. Make sure you are okay being a single parent though.

And your kid will have to take care of you all by herself.

Luckily when my mom was dying of breast cancer I had my sister around for support and to share the work load.

This is a dum reason to bring a "child" into this world. You have no idea if the siblings will get along. If they will want to help. There are so many reasons this is stupid.

These are good points. Except She is already pregnant - not deciding whether or not to have a another child. By chance, she is having another child assuming the pregnancy continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Can you just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.

Do you consider riding in a car to be playing Russian roulette? What about flying in a plane? Do you let your kids play on swings or a slide? Or is it just women using BC that you consider to be behaving in an unacceptably reckless way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It’s your body.

And her husband's baby and her DD's sibling.

Neither allows them to decide to go through with the pregnancy. This is solely OP’s decision.

Disagree.

Oh really? So is OP’s DD going to carry the child? Is her husband going to give birth and deal with all associated postpartum recovery including at work? Remind me again how the daughter and husband have any say in what happens to OP’s body?

I don’t think OP listed any of those as her reasons for not wanting kids. I’m sure we can list 50-100 potential reasons, but they aren’t OP’s reasons.

Those are reality, or have you never been pregnant? If OP’s daughter and husband have a say, then tell us oh wise one who gets to array the child and deal with the aftermath? Hint, it’s not OP since she doesn’t want to be pregnant and no one can force her.

She gets to make a decision and so does her husband. Whatever the law says, relationships don’t happen in a vacuum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not crazy about DH threatening divorce over this. It’s her body. He’s making it HIS decision.

Well, it is his body and he can choose to share it with another woman (the one who wants to carry his child).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.

Do you consider riding in a car to be playing Russian roulette? What about flying in a plane? Do you let your kids play on swings or a slide? Or is it just women using BC that you consider to be behaving in an unacceptably reckless way?

I’m the one you responded to. I’m pro-choice. However, in this case the OP was reckless because she ABSOLUTELY never wanted more kids. She knows her husband is wishy-washy about this issue, and yet she CHOSE not to do something more permanent and reliable. By constantly harping on about her rights, you’re pretending that she hears no responsibility for this outcome. You can’t claim that she’s a free agent and also claim that she’s somehow an innocent victim. We can argue all we want about the science, but none of that matters to the father of this child because he has a biological connection to him/her. No amount of laws is going to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with judgment.

Again no one’s decision but hers. It’s her choice period!

Amazing how you think people live in vacuums. Of course it’s ultimately her decision, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences beyond her control. To keep saying it’s only her decision is simplistic at best.

[Anonymous]

^^^ posted a response and then saw the very next one also pointed out she doesn’t live in a vacuum. Great minds think alike.