Reply to Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here one last time, then signing off - we have decided we are not going.  We will send something around $200 from the registry.  If our son had been included, we would have given a check for several thousand.  I don't plan on going no contact, but I am wondering if giving a gift significantly less generous than what is probably expected of me will create problems, anyhow.

Also, for all those talking about how I wasn't that generous - it was 15k over about10 years, not 15 years, and 12k of it was over a two-year period for college.[/quote]

At least one of us is talking about generosity of spirit. Instead of sending a $200 gift with genuine joy and best wishes, you’re planning to send it with spite.  I hope your son isn’t aware of all of these machinations in the background— purportedly on his behalf. [/quote]
I don’t think it’s spite. OP is genuinely hurt that this nephew to whom she has felt close is excluding her son. Money reflects lots of different things, OP indicated she was willing to provide for her nephew because of their relationship. Nephew is now telling OP that he really doesn’t value the relationship. I think she’s making the right call in declining and sending something from the registry but not going all out. Going NC would be too much, but I think what she’s doing is totally valid. Hopefully nephew will behave better in the future.[/quote]

The nephew isn't telling the OP anything. Most likely the bride's family has decided on the age limit, and isn't gearing it to cousins of the groom, who she's probably never met.[/quote]

This. Nephew's family has no money, so most likely the bride's family is paying for the wedding and deciding. A lot of men are really not that involved even if they pay, they literally don't care. The bride's family did the calculations on who they can accommodate, maybe lots of kids on their side, and decided that 16+ was reasonable. The fact that the OP makes this about herself and her son is ridiculous. Even if her son was invited, he'd not interact with cousins as he's 9 (an elementary schooler!) and the cousins are 16+. [/quote]
In my family the cousins would definitely interact. Not all families are the same.[/quote]

Right. So how do you interact when you're 16+ and the cousin is a child, a 9-year old? Tell me like I'm 5. You'd exchange a few words and then go your own way. You don't seem to have teens nor 9-year olds. [/quote]
I don’t currently have teens, my older are all over that bridge and my caboose baby is upper elementary. I guess you have a small or very spread our family? We have lots of cousins and they don’t constantly segregate by age, especially not at a wedding. They tallk, they play they dance, whatever. It’s a family time. If we are vacationing together or visiting each other, sure, older cousins will go off and do something a bit more grown up while youngers go to a kids activity. But lots of time is together.[/quote]

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