I went to visit a swingers club for the first time. AMA

[Anonymous]

This is one of these things that is hotter as a fantasy than in real life. And it is not advantageous to men. Unless you are the kind of guy that women are attracted to in bars, the female is going to get a lot more attention. It's evolutionary psychology. The most average woman is going to get tons of attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of these things that is hotter as a fantasy than in real life. And it is not advantageous to men. Unless you are the kind of guy that women are attracted to in bars, the female is going to get a lot more attention. It's evolutionary psychology. The most average woman is going to get tons of attention.

And even very hot men who are the type to be hit on at bars eventually age out . They become funny single sexually crazed grandpas that nobody cares about

[Anonymous]

Not OP but we dabbled in the swinger lifestyle for about a year (around 2024-2025). We did a number of MFM threesomes and a few couple swaps (both me and DH are straight). We also went to a couple of swinger clubs and also went to Temptations in Mexico as well. They were mostly all positive experiences.

We stopped because of other reasons (DH's career became much more demanding, our kids are school aged now and have a lot of extracurriculars, etc., plus it was really hard for us to find people/couples we are both attracted to in this lifestyle). Right now neither of us have any desire to get back into the lifestyle at all, but maybe one day in the far future.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:- People were as attractive as the average population. There were some smoking hot young people, and some older or bigger people, the women generally dress to impress.

- There were more women then men there. At the club we went to, the woman holds the membership, and can bring a male guest. Only a handful of single men are allowed on any given night, so there were for sure more women than men there.

- For demographics, we hit it off with a couple of couples, both were similar in age to us (40s) and professionals.

More men than women? So, what about the women who don't find partners? That doesn't seem fair.

There were more women than men. If a woman wanted a partner, she would have had no issues finding one. In the lifestyle community a single woman looking for people to swing with is called a unicorn. She's a unicorn for a reason, she's rare.

I would love to be a third for a committed attractive couple, preferably married. No interest in building relationships but want great sex. So I’m supposedly a unicorn.
Unfortunately I’m very bacteria phobic and could never cross the line for threesomes. Would hate constantly changing partners, couples or not.

+1 on the bacteria phobic. I love sex and I judge nobody for having multiple partners but there are plenty of stds you can get with condom use and some of them permanent. Just not worth the risk for me. I won’t sleep with anyone without a full std test for both of us-period.

What stds can you get with condoms?

How are you an adult and you don’t know this? Herpes, Syphillis, HPV (both the ones that causes genital warts and the ones that don’t) and MC. Also some of the newer lesser known Mycoplasmas and related.

What’s MC?

Molluscum Contagiosm. Adult transmission is through sexual contact and it lasts for a long time-in some cases years and is extremely contagious. It’s not harmful-just annoying and unsightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

There is absolutely nothing natural about watching your partner engage in intimacy with another person.

That is merely your closed-minded opinion.

And this phenomenon is so prevalent throughout history, there are even names specific coined for it: cuckquean (for women who prefer to share their husbands) and cuckhold (for men who desire to share their wives with other men).

Simply acknowledging the existence of this phenomenon doesn’t signal your approval or interest.

[Anonymous]

Gross and infectious weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Whoa- this post completely took on a life of it's own! OP here. I was out of town for a few days, and too busy to check in. I'll check and see if there are any questions still to answer. I did see that there seem to be a few pages telling me that I'm going to burn in hell or that I'm gross. I'm confident that neither of these things are true. But, thanks to all for your input into my personal life. Kisses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa- this post completely took on a life of it's own! OP here. I was out of town for a few days, and too busy to check in. I'll check and see if there are any questions still to answer. I did see that there seem to be a few pages telling me that I'm going to burn in hell or that I'm gross. I'm confident that neither of these things are true. But, thanks to all for your input into my personal life. Kisses.

I hope you get tested after your 'out of town' trip. Don't be a spreader.

[Anonymous]

LOL, no one wants your kisses, Petri Dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this AMA, a bigger kudos for you in continuing to answer questions.

As a male, I only wished I was more outgoing. I'm considered tall and attractive, but socially I'm too distracted to relax and enjoy myself in an environment like that. My wife is shy also, but I believe she is a bit of an exhibitionist. Although we are 60's, she's super hot and I'd love to see her enjoying herself on the dancefloor with her boobs exposed. If it wasn't for her being a professional with recognition in this smallish city, I'd try to explore it.

My question is, how would I find a club like this when we travel ?
And thank you again for being such a sweetheart and sharing your experience with us .

Thank you for your nice response. Google is your friend for finding clubs. Just google the city that you're traveling to and 'lifestyle club'. Also, Reddit has a lot public info. It is not the best resource, but it's a good start for questions and recommendations. I never post there, only read, but I have gleaned a good amount from that alone.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Performing femininity, or actually feminine? I am generally a feminine woman. I mean, today I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but if I leave the house, I'm generally in feminine presenting clothing. Would you have this same thought if I told you that I was wearing a dress and heels to work, which I do?

There were women there in longer dresses, jeans and a sweater, and other items that didn't show of their bodies. I don't think anyone would bat an eye if a woman showed up in a more neutral outfit. I chose to show up in a short dress.

But were any of the men showing skin or were they just standing around on the dance floor in khakis watching the “ladies” dance with their boobs out?

They were in their slacks. Most women did not have their boobs out- they were wearing club-y dresses, boobs tucked in. Of 60 people on the dance floor, maybe 4 women had their boobs out?

Would you want a bunch of guys with no pants hanging around? No judgement from me, but if that was your thing, I'm sure you could find a club that has more that type of vibe!

I don't necessarily want men with no pants on, but I most definitely do not want an atmosphere where women are there to be sexy and gawked at while men stand around in their "slacks."

I guess my question to you is- what do you define as sexy for a man? When I close my eyes and picture a sexy man he is typically wearing a well cut dark suit, a tight shirt that shows off his muscles, and nice shoes. So, for me, a bunch of well dressed men aren't a problem. I would probably be a bit uncomfortable if I walked in and all the guys were wearing just jock straps

You're not quite getting it. Yes that does sound nice (albeit not what you described) but the issue is that this club seems entirely designed for the, sorry to be hackneyed, "male gaze." That is not sexy to me in the slightest.

A significant percentage of the women in the community are bi-sexual so it's not just men who are looking. It doesn't sound like this atmosphere would be for you regardless of people's attire.

How many of the men were actually hot? Like, tall, buff, well dressed and groomed? The description sounds like the women are mostly attractive and the men all look like Bill Gates or something worse. Maybe that's where my mind goes with "slacks".

This is likely the last attractiveness post I will answer. It is just like anywhere else. There are good looking people that you find attractive, and people that you do not. I don't know what your idea of attractive is- so my percentage may be different from yours. There were a lot of good looking (to me) people there. Men and women.

Why is everyone so upset about the word slacks? I can say pants, but at this point I'll stick with slacks. Seems like a fun little button to push.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, no one wants your kisses, Petri Dish.

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- Husband and I are new to this idea. We did not participate this time but are even more certain that we will in the near future.

- It was a “lifestyle club” that mostly caters to the swinger crowd but is open to all type of sexual lifestyles.

- It did not smell bad.

- We did have to present our IDs at the door. It’s a members only club so I had to register online and receive a member number. They checked that and out IDs when we got there.

Does your DH enjoy sharing you? Are you into cuckolding?

We haven't actually shared anything yet. We just went and played together. And no, we are not into cuckholding- that has a humiliation kink to it that neither of us interested in.

This may be hard for you to believe but what I really want is to see my husband completely happy and satisfied. And he wants the same for me. No shame at all, just exploring what brings us happiness and satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

Was the crowd racially diverge?

I answered this before, but I'll answer again here. Yes, about 2/3 white, and 1/3 POC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of these things that is hotter as a fantasy than in real life. And it is not advantageous to men. Unless you are the kind of guy that women are attracted to in bars, the female is going to get a lot more attention. It's evolutionary psychology. The most average woman is going to get tons of attention.

I think the implication is that if you are the kind of dude who gets hung up on the “evolutionary psychology” aspect of sex and how it disadvantages you, then no, you are not going to enjoy this type of thing. OTOH if you are sexually freaky guy who wants to have flexible fun more than you want to put women in their place because of “evolutionary psychology,” then you might have a good time!