SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

They could and should talk with their childless sibling about it, unless everyone’s health problems are hitting at the same time. Communication like this is ideal, with elder siblings and any adult kids.
In OPs case both kin should be co-executors. Periods they’re busy and that helps the relationships, not hurts them

Usually if you have a will or trust set up, every 20 years you update things.
— once your kids are 18 you can drop the clause of who raises them if you both die
— once your kids are married with kids, maybe you assess the spouses or grandkids and add them or protect them
— once you are in your 70s you replace all executors with trusted and ethical ones who are in their 50s.
— once you are in your 80s you minimize taxes and move things around plus downsize your house.
— if you move states you may update things too.

Most people don’t want to be executors because it’s a lot of work and disputes do often arise. People who have done it often say they would never do it again. It’s bad enough to go through it for your parents; most people really don’t want to do it for an extended relative they only see twice a year who lives far away. In the case of multiple executors, they have to be unanimously in agreement and they all have to sign all documents. I’m not sure that would be easy for OP and her brother. OP is upset that her aunts may have been manipulated or coerced, but I seriously doubt she wanted to have the responsibility of being executor. Being executor is not a prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in our sixties, recently lost parents on both sides of the family and my DH and I are still reeling from some of the behavior we have observed by siblings and a catty SIL. It’s disheartening to realize that we had siblings who were nice to our faces while manipulating our parents in one case to leave a business to only one sibling. Discouraging to realize that our parents were dishonest with us while they were alive and saddened to realize that ultimately one brother is more interested in hitting the jackpot than in having a relationship with siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. (someone who at the funeral told his siblings they could only talk to him through his lawyer.) it’s sad as the holidays approach to realize that due to inheritance dramas we are unlikely to ever have a big family Christmas ever again. And it sounds a bit silly but we are wondering who exactly to invite to our son’s weddings.

This

My husband’s last survivor grandmother died and it quickly became apparent that one divorced and single retired uncle was siphoning off money from her bank account for years— Mercedes for himself, his son (my husbands 1st cousin), doing laundry there by the mom’s nurse and eating there too daily.

My FIL spent all of winter break on the phone with his other brother and the one who had took a ton of money. They tried to get that third cut back as that uncle already spent an equivalent amount down. I recall my FIL asking my husband to call his cousin and ask for the amount of the new car grandma bought him.

Now no one talks to that uncle or invites him to things. Likewise when the cousin got married we just sent a card and check.

I think the only healthy way through it is to have a family sit down with one of those mediators. Find a path forward. Otherwise the relationships stay severely damaged.

You’re both discussing the relationships (and estate transfer) between parents and their children, which is different than the relationship between aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews.

Less than 1/3 of adults have wills prepared, but it’s especially important for those without children to do so. Not to thwart relatives like OP—who may not even be next of kin—but to ensure there is money and care available for when one can no longer care for themselves.

OP’s aunts appear to be of sound mind, and savvy about what the future might bring, including sadly, negligible assistance from OP. Good for them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

What should the parents say if they catch up with each aunt and discover that one nephew is sole executor and sole inheritor?

They should be able to talk to their own sibling. How dysfunctional is this family that siblings don't talk to each other or their parents? It all appears very broken and messed up. Having several childless unmarried aunts is a tell of it's own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

In OP’s case, apparently the SIL took care of them. Or at least more/better care than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

What should the parents say if they catch up with each aunt and discover that one nephew is sole executor and sole inheritor?

They should be able to talk to their own sibling. How dysfunctional is this family that siblings don't talk to each other or their parents? It all appears very broken and messed up. Having several childless unmarried aunts is a tell of it's own.

One aunt is married. Is there a problem with childless women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

+100 All the people bleating on about next of kin don't seem to realize -- that's not what OP is. Even if her aunt died intestate the money wouldn't be "split evenly" between OP and her brother. She wouldn't see a dime; it would go to living siblings not nieces and nephews. So it gets even weirder when people think that OP would/should have hired an investigator to find out what happened to her missing portion upon her aunts' eventual deaths -- she has no portion! This money was never going to be hers!

People are watching too much Succession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

+100 All the people bleating on about next of kin don't seem to realize -- that's not what OP is.
Even if her aunt died intestate the money wouldn't be "split evenly" between OP and her brother. She wouldn't see a dime; it would go to living siblings not nieces and nephews.
So it gets even weirder when people think that OP would/should have hired an investigator to find out what happened to her missing portion upon her aunts' eventual deaths -- she has no portion! This money was never going to be hers!

People are watching too much Succession.

Looks like you are missing the plot.

A will stipulates a line of inheritors, and can deviate from the usual Next of Kin language, which is: debts—>spouse—>children equal splits—>siblings equal splits—>nieces & nephews equal splits.

So if auntie was ill, separating assets from her non-ill spouse, and one distant relative-in-law comes in with a 100% proposal, and the aunties goes for it, changes her will the last few years of her life, and they all keep it a secret…. that’s nasty. And they know it. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

[Anonymous]

Plus lots of tears and bonding stories from the last 5% of her life. Bring all the young kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

+100 All the people bleating on about next of kin don't seem to realize -- that's not what OP is.
Even if her aunt died intestate the money wouldn't be "split evenly" between OP and her brother. She wouldn't see a dime; it would go to living siblings not nieces and nephews.
So it gets even weirder when people think that OP would/should have hired an investigator to find out what happened to her missing portion upon her aunts' eventual deaths -- she has no portion! This money was never going to be hers!

People are watching too much Succession.

Looks like you are missing the plot.

A will stipulates a line of inheritors, and can deviate from the usual Next of Kin language, which is: debts—>spouse—>children equal splits—>siblings equal splits—>nieces & nephews equal splits.

So if auntie was ill, separating assets from her non-ill spouse, and one distant relative-in-law comes in with a 100% proposal, and the aunties goes for it, changes her will the last few years of her life, and they all keep it a secret…. that’s nasty. And they know it. Full stop.

PP did not miss the point. Auntie was not without a will. She was ill and divorcing. She made changes to her will. OP hasn’t told us what the previous version of the will said or if she even knew what it said, just that in the newest version SIL will now be the executor. OP has not clarified whether sick, divorcing auntie is the one leaving her estate to charity or the one leaving her estate to SIL. OP has given no indication that she ever had any reason to believe that any inheritance was coming to her from either aunt, and neither aunt has any obligation to bequeath anything to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

+100 All the people bleating on about next of kin don't seem to realize -- that's not what OP is. Even if her aunt died intestate the money wouldn't be "split evenly" between OP and her brother. She wouldn't see a dime; it would go to living siblings not nieces and nephews. So it gets even weirder when people think that OP would/should have hired an investigator to find out what happened to her missing portion upon her aunts' eventual deaths -- she has no portion! This money was never going to be hers!

People are watching too much Succession.

FYI, lots of people who have wills and are old, redirect things to skip a generation as their generation in their 80s is usually all set. Medicare, long term care, insurance, mandatory withdrawal, downsized or in care homes.

Dynasty trusts also accomplish this and prevent new spouses and step siblings from “accidentally” obtaining everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

SIL is under no obligation to make any financial disclosures regarding aunt’s estate to anyone but the probate court. She doesn’t need to tell any lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

+100 All the people bleating on about next of kin don't seem to realize -- that's not what OP is.
Even if her aunt died intestate the money wouldn't be "split evenly" between OP and her brother. She wouldn't see a dime; it would go to living siblings not nieces and nephews.
So it gets even weirder when people think that OP would/should have hired an investigator to find out what happened to her missing portion upon her aunts' eventual deaths -- she has no portion! This money was never going to be hers!

People are watching too much Succession.

Looks like you are missing the plot.

A will stipulates a line of inheritors, and can deviate from the usual Next of Kin language, which is: debts—>spouse—>children equal splits—>siblings equal splits—>nieces & nephews equal splits.

So if auntie was ill, separating assets from her non-ill spouse, and one distant relative-in-law comes in with a 100% proposal, and the aunties goes for it, changes her will the last few years of her life, and they all keep it a secret…. that’s nasty. And they know it. Full stop.

There is no evidence, not in the OP or any of her follow-ups, that there was an earlier will in which OP was named.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

Going for the executor position and then inheriting everything worked so well and easily with the sickly Aunt, she tried her playbook with the other aunt as well! But only got to the executor role step. She can keep working on getting a big piece of the charity slog.