SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

[Anonymous]

Serious eye roll to you, op. This is a “my brother” issue not a “my sil” issue.

[Anonymous]

She works the systems to her advantage. Gross.

Your brother looks the other way. Weak.

[Anonymous]

So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

[Anonymous]

Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

[Anonymous]

Tale as old as time.
New butt kissers swoop in at the end and the seniles can’t remember anything. Sounds like the one set ain’t having it. And the one who got divorced and sickly, then re-papered her will got raked over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

Reads like the issue is the secretive full-court press and lack of comms.
I’d want to know if my sibling’s spouse was working my various relatives for inheritances. Why? Because then I’d know I can’t trust either of them.

[Anonymous]

Why does this bother you? These aunts had no heirs and your SIL is actually performing a service for their estates. If your SIL wasn’t doing the work as the executor, you’d have to do it or someone else would be paid to do it. I don’t understand your beef.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the issue. Especially if it’s being donated in the case of the 2nd relative. I believe money should go to family. As long as she’s not swindling true heirs, who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

Right? Shame on you OP. You do not look good here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

What you call schmoozing, the aunts seem to see as having a connection, which you didn't have. Do you eve know when their birthdays are?

[Anonymous]

Don’t think that “donating” means the money is going to a worthy cause. My grandpas vast estate (that he inherited from his own parents) went to a televangelist Joel Osteen. I would have preferred anyone to get that money, particularly one of my cousins or a relative.