SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

SIL is under no obligation to make any financial disclosures regarding aunt’s estate to anyone but the probate court. She doesn’t need to tell any lies.

Lies of omission are indeed lies, especially amongst two siblings.

If this scenario is true (executor, 100% inheritor), it will permanently damage the brother / sister and their families’ relationship.

You cannot deny that.

🙄 Normal people don’t consider keeping one’s personal finances private counts as a lie of omission.

The only reason why any of this is causing any strife is because other people in the aunts’ lives are spilling the tea on their estate planning — which isn’t everyone’s business and isn’t a nice thing to do. One of the people doing it is the man an auntie divorced in the last few years. Think the guy likes creating drama in his ex’s family???

The irony here is maybe the aunt is leaving something to OP and the person who gossiped was sh!t stirring or misinformed. And then OP starts talking about how it's so unfair and maybe the aunt really will leave all to SIL!

There is no way OP can bring this up without being tacky and inappropriate. She is SOL.

Early bird locks the worm!

Flashback: there is no way SIL can bring up wills and admin during an in law visit without being tacky and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

SIL is under no obligation to make any financial disclosures regarding aunt’s estate to anyone but the probate court. She doesn’t need to tell any lies.

Lies of omission are indeed lies, especially amongst two siblings.

If this scenario is true (executor, 100% inheritor), it will permanently damage the brother / sister and their families’ relationship.

You cannot deny that.

🙄 Normal people don’t consider keeping one’s personal finances private counts as a lie of omission.

The only reason why any of this is causing any strife is because other people in the aunts’ lives are spilling the tea on their estate planning — which isn’t everyone’s business and isn’t a nice thing to do. One of the people doing it is the man an auntie divorced in the last few years. Think the guy likes creating drama in his ex’s family???

The irony here is maybe the aunt is leaving something to OP and the person who gossiped was sh!t stirring or misinformed. And then OP starts talking about how it's so unfair and maybe the aunt really will leave all to SIL!

Thank gawd for anonymous DCUM and all this good advice.
People really showed their true colors on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

What should the parents say if they catch up with each aunt and discover that one nephew is sole executor and sole inheritor?

They should be able to talk to their own sibling. How dysfunctional is this family that siblings don't talk to each other or their parents? It all appears very broken and messed up. Having several childless unmarried aunts is a tell of its own.

No, both aunts read like they were married most of their lives, and if both couples were dual-income and didn’t overspend, they likely have a nice compounded nest egg.

Yes, doesn’t the OP ask what on earth happened to communication here? So she or someone can kick off the transparent communication immediately on the matter. I certainly would or if the parent siblings could, that would be helpful. Lots of ways to bring this up that are not tacky or behind others’ backs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

What does the working status have to do with any of this?

I dunno but I see a few adult women in my line of work pulling the “oh woe is me, my husband is a club Fed and I stay home with the kids, we sure could use some help for their college fund and camps.” Even when they are set to receive a few million from their own parents and have a credit card still paid by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

Agree, it’s family meeting time OP.
You and your brother, go in to set a plan for the elders in a nice open way, see what you learn, set the plan, and the group proposes it to the elders.

Are there nieces and nephews who are decently close and responsible on the other side? Include them too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents know this and, if so, what have they said about it?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

Agree, it’s family meeting time OP.
You and your brother, go in to set a plan for the elders in a nice open way, see what you learn, set the plan, and the group proposes it to the elders.

Are there nieces and nephews who are decently close and responsible on the other side? Include them too.

And if the elders say no?

“No, it’s our money and we have already decided what to do with it. We don’t owe you and you aren’t entitled to our money. Butt out.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

SIL is under no obligation to make any financial disclosures regarding aunt’s estate to anyone but the probate court. She doesn’t need to tell any lies.

Lies of omission are indeed lies, especially amongst two siblings.

If this scenario is true (executor, 100% inheritor), it will permanently damage the brother / sister and their families’ relationship.

You cannot deny that.

🙄 Normal people don’t consider keeping one’s personal finances private counts as a lie of omission.

The only reason why any of this is causing any strife is because other people in the aunts’ lives are spilling the tea on their estate planning — which isn’t everyone’s business and isn’t a nice thing to do. One of the people doing it is the man an auntie divorced in the last few years. Think the guy likes creating drama in his ex’s family???

The irony here is maybe the aunt is leaving something to OP and the person who gossiped was sh!t stirring or misinformed. And then OP starts talking about how it's so unfair and maybe the aunt really will leave all to SIL!

There is no way OP can bring this up without being tacky and inappropriate. She is SOL.

Early bird locks the worm!

Flashback: there is no way SIL can bring up wills and admin during an in law visit without being tacky and inappropriate.

Since she has been reaching out and involved for the past 5 years it was probably organic. OP would be ok to start on that journey now if she’s planning to put in the effort for a good few years first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

Agree, it’s family meeting time OP.
You and your brother, go in to set a plan for the elders in a nice open way, see what you learn, set the plan, and the group proposes it to the elders.

Are there nieces and nephews who are decently close and responsible on the other side? Include them too.

And if the elders say no?

“No, it’s our money and we have already decided what to do with it. We don’t owe you and you aren’t entitled to our money. Butt out.”

The goal is to make sure the elders have their last survivor plans in place.

But the family meeting with the brother will smoke out any recent back-channeled funny business, if there was any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

OP shows up at the funeral with her hand out?

SIL flies in for the funeral to pocket everything and lie about it?

SIL is under no obligation to make any financial disclosures regarding aunt’s estate to anyone but the probate court. She doesn’t need to tell any lies.

Lies of omission are indeed lies, especially amongst two siblings.

If this scenario is true (executor, 100% inheritor), it will permanently damage the brother / sister and their families’ relationship.

You cannot deny that.

🙄 Normal people don’t consider keeping one’s personal finances private counts as a lie of omission.

The only reason why any of this is causing any strife is because other people in the aunts’ lives are spilling the tea on their estate planning — which isn’t everyone’s business and isn’t a nice thing to do. One of the people doing it is the man an auntie divorced in the last few years. Think the guy likes creating drama in his ex’s family???

Aaaaaaaand, PP is still not responding to the question.

You know who doesn’t respond at all? OP. Why do you care more about this than she does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

They could and should talk with their childless sibling about it, unless everyone’s health problems are hitting at the same time. Communication like this is ideal, with elder siblings and any adult kids.
In OPs case both kin should be co-executors. Periods they’re busy and that helps the relationships, not hurts them

Usually if you have a will or trust set up, every 20 years you update things.
— once your kids are 18 you can drop the clause of who raises them if you both die
— once your kids are married with kids, maybe you assess the spouses or grandkids and add them or protect them
— once you are in your 70s you replace all executors with trusted and ethical ones who are in their 50s.
— once you are in your 80s you minimize taxes and move things around plus downsize your house.
— if you move states you may update things too.

Family lawyer here. Common thing to do is the above.
Given the potential unilateral side meetings one brother did with each aunt, you'll know early on in the conversation with him if he's a reasonable concerned nephew or if something else is going on.

Having two executors is also common, especially with mainly out-of-state family members. It would share the workload, allow for different expertise (investing, accounting, legal, healthcare, info dissemination), is consultatory in nature, provides checks and balances, and avoids favoritism.

Now my wife and I have kids and a Joint Revocable Trust, with my best man's son as Trustee so he will administer our wishes alongside our estate attorney's eye. I also recommend the Monarch Money app for all liquid accounts, assets and logins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

This topic sux and makes me sick to my stomach if beneficiaries are changing or excluded for no concrete reason. The will person needs to be smart, hard working, legally minded and trustworthy. Inheriting everything is not the payoff for being a will admin — that’s a big F up and F U if that’s what happened here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

What does the working status have to do with any of this?

I dunno but I see a few adult women in my line of work pulling the “oh woe is me, my husband is a club Fed and I stay home with the kids, we sure could use some help for their college fund and camps.” Even when they are set to receive a few million from their own parents and have a credit card still paid by them.

You sound mean. And also, confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

Agree, it’s family meeting time OP.
You and your brother, go in to set a plan for the elders in a nice open way, see what you learn, set the plan, and the group proposes it to the elders.

Are there nieces and nephews who are decently close and responsible on the other side? Include them too.

And if the elders say no?

“No, it’s our money and we have already decided what to do with it. We don’t owe you and you aren’t entitled to our money. Butt out.”

The goal is to make sure the elders have their last survivor plans in place.

But the family meeting with the brother will smoke out any recent back-channeled funny business, if there was any.

The elders already do. OP has not alleged any elder abuse or incompetence on the part of the aunties. She just doesn’t like not being in the loop and not getting money she thinks she’s owed.

[Anonymous]

If these are your mom's sisters, does she know what's going on? Or your dad if they are his sisters?