SIL plotted to inherit estates from childless aunts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Hi SIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

What a weird comment, jeering on kicking out a sibling and trying to keep it a secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

You think OP was going to take it upon herself to take time off work, travel to aunt’s city, clean out her house, and take responsibility for the probate process? That’s laughable! She hasn’t even kept in touch with aunt except when she’s in town visiting other relatives as well.

Why would OP have been expecting to hear anything about aunt’s will? This isn’t a soap opera. Every living extended relative isn’t invited to the reading of the will.

If OP genuinely suspects elder abuse in the form of coercion regarding the will, she should report it to authorities. Otherwise, this has nothing to do with her. The same is true of the busybodies who are spreading the aunts’ private affairs all over the place. If they suspect elder abuse in financial form, they should report it. Otherwise, they’re just generating conflict for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is just as much to blame as his wife. He could have stopped her, but he didn't.

I'm sorry, OP. At least you can refuse to help this family with equanimity now that you know they will inherit a significant sum. Focus on your own life. The best revenge is living well!

PS: You could also inform your parents and explain that it's only fair that they compensate for this unfairness by weighing each of your inheritances accordingly. Depends what kind of parents they are.

My friend’s parents did a true-up like this when a sister was suddenly dropped from the lineup due to collusion and sob stories by one down and out sister. It was an aunt who do it and damaged the sister relationship indefinitely. The parent’s trust explicitly called it out to send one that fixed amount first to my friend’s family.

It’s amazing the truly bad behavior emerges after all those years of being fine and playing nicely.

[Anonymous]

We are in our sixties, recently lost parents on both sides of the family and my DH and I are still reeling from some of the behavior we have observed by siblings and a catty SIL. It’s disheartening to realize that we had siblings who were nice to our faces while manipulating our parents in one case to leave a business to only one sibling. Discouraging to realize that our parents were dishonest with us while they were alive and saddened to realize that ultimately one brother is more interested in hitting the jackpot than in having a relationship with siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. (someone who at the funeral told his siblings they could only talk to him through his lawyer.) it’s sad as the holidays approach to realize that due to inheritance dramas we are unlikely to ever have a big family Christmas ever again. And it sounds a bit silly but we are wondering who exactly to invite to our son’s weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

What a weird comment, jeering on kicking out a sibling and trying to keep it a secret?

Why do you assume a sibling was kicked out? One was planning to leave it all to charity anyway. SIL managed to get a fee for just helping her aunt. But that aunt wasn't initially thinking about either sibling. This isn't a close family in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in our sixties, recently lost parents on both sides of the family and my DH and I are still reeling from some of the behavior we have observed by siblings and a catty SIL. It’s disheartening to realize that we had siblings who were nice to our faces while manipulating our parents in one case to leave a business to only one sibling. Discouraging to realize that our parents were dishonest with us while they were alive and saddened to realize that ultimately one brother is more interested in hitting the jackpot than in having a relationship with siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. (someone who at the funeral told his siblings they could only talk to him through his lawyer.) it’s sad as the holidays approach to realize that due to inheritance dramas we are unlikely to ever have a big family Christmas ever again. And it sounds a bit silly but we are wondering who exactly to invite to our son’s weddings.

This

My husband’s last survivor grandmother died and it quickly became apparent that one divorced and single retired uncle was siphoning off money from her bank account for years— Mercedes for himself, his son (my husbands 1st cousin), doing laundry there by the mom’s nurse and eating there too daily.

My FIL spent all of winter break on the phone with his other brother and the one who had took a ton of money. They tried to get that third cut back as that uncle already spent an equivalent amount down. I recall my FIL asking my husband to call his cousin and ask for the amount of the new car grandma bought him.

Now no one talks to that uncle or invites him to things. Likewise when the cousin got married we just sent a card and check.

I think the only healthy way through it is to have a family sit down with one of those mediators. Find a path forward. Otherwise the relationships stay severely damaged.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

They could and should talk with their childless sibling about it, unless everyone’s health problems are hitting at the same time. Communication like this is ideal, with elder siblings and any adult kids.
In OPs case both kin should be co-executors. Periods they’re busy and that helps the relationships, not hurts them

Usually if you have a will or trust set up, every 20 years you update things.
— once your kids are 18 you can drop the clause of who raises them if you both die
— once your kids are married with kids, maybe you assess the spouses or grandkids and add them or protect them
— once you are in your 70s you replace all executors with trusted and ethical ones who are in their 50s.
— once you are in your 80s you minimize taxes and move things around plus downsize your house.
— if you move states you may update things too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What you call "schmoozing", unmarried aunts might call "company." Being elderly is lonely. Yes, it's nice that you've visited for all these years 1-2x a year, but if SIL calls once or twice a week every week and chats away with them....well, I'd leave her money, too. That's legitimately kind and thoughtful.

Is there a chance that they legitimately feel closer to her than to you or your brother?

You’d leave her money too or leave her, and only her, all the money?

One aunt is leaving some money and donating the rest. Seems nobody likes OP and her family here.

That’s not clear today from what I read.

But there will definitely be a rift between the sibling families once this all goes down. And SIL, entirety and auntie know it, because they created it.

There’s only a rift because OP thinks she’s entitled.

And why is SIL entitled?

Because aunt named her in the will as a beneficiary. Maybe that was a foolish decision; maybe it was a great one. She could leave her entire estate to her cat if she wanted to. It’s her money and her choice what to do with it.

And the negative fallout will be as expected.
You can’t keep that a secret.

Ask any estate or family law attorney what happens in the few non obvious cases things are not decided equally, especially in small American families.

These siblings are not close. Their primary responsibilities are to their own families. It won't matter at all in the long run.

We don’t know that, but we do know they won’t be for much longer!
OP can always laugh it off and stay busy, but know they chose to passively or actively screw them out of at least one person’s will.

They can’t be screwed out of something that isn’t theirs.

That’s some twisted illogic for playing favorites and screwing over someone.

The ONLY way to not screw over your next of kin is to give everyone who’s not a felon or addict or primary caretaker equal parts. Could be zero for all, could be a pro rata for all.

Anything else will cause issues. The aunt, uncle, brother and SIL know that, but hope to not be confronted now or later. That’s their bet.

It’s a shame that a couple gossips couldn’t keep their traps shut. OP didn’t ever need to know about this.

Unless OP is an idiot, what was the family going to say when the aunt passes, a death certificate is issued, stuff needs clearing out, retirement accounts need administering, the will is read, etc.?

Oh nothing to see here? See you later.?

OP and everyone would know then. Would SIL turn around and lie? Oh, I think everything’s going to the Smithsonian zoo, oh well!

I've had multiple aunts and uncles pass. I have never attended a will reading. None of this has ever been my concern as a niece.

This is about having one sibling and a small number of childless aunts or uncles whom you are in touch with.
Who took care of them? Who settled their estate? Was everything donated or divided up?

They aren't dead even dead yet. Fretting over who gets what is pretty morbid at this point.

^ I meant in OPs case. OP is putting the cart before the horse. But in my family's case the siblings of the deceased handled things or the parent. Not the distant nieces and nephews. Where are OP's parents? This is their job.

What should the parents say if they catch up with each aunt and discover that one nephew is sole executor and sole inheritor?