A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

It’s takes a lot more money that’s it. Both spouses are responsible for marrying abs for divorce. You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced and men are some obedient puppies on a leash
My exH was 14 years older: he was pursuing me and made sure no younger suitors are anywhere near when we dated. Very powerful man to begin with and assertive in his wants in dating. I indeed was the one who filed for divorce but that was after many years of me tolerating his philandering and wasting family money on mistress.
When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce

Nah. An older man who wants to date young has to be fit, dress well, be sexworthy, and have a fun/interesting vibe. Just being a fat slob with money won't do it.

"You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced" - well yeah it should be obvious that any relationship or marriage only exists so long as it benefits the woman.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”... We already know, of course, that women wield the ultimate veto power in the mating game. It is women who give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to any advances or proposals from men.

"When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce" -- most marriages are between relative equals and still they fail. The recipe for any divorce is that as soon as the woman no longer perceives a benefit to the association (which is almost inevitable over time) she can pull the plug. And there is no penalty for doing so, and indeed, many rewards.

Listen, there will be a ton of other psychological books that state just the opposite. Women stay in marriages that don’t benefit them all the time, because of the kids. When a child is involved, divorce filing is always preceded by a lot of things that husband commits. Often it’s adultery, parental abandonment, lack of intimacy, financial dishonesty, addictions.

Plenty of fat slobs with big pockets date younger women. You said it yourself above - some women would be happy to move into his house for free living expenses. That doesn’t change the fact that these women are very damaged if they prefer free housing and spreading their legs to much older men vs taking responsibility for their financing. The latter is much easier for me than sleeping with old fags.

When women get angry one of the many things they do is accuse men of being "gay". Don't like an old woman? You're gay. Don't like a fat woman? You're gay. Saying I'm wrong? You're a misogynist, and gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

It’s takes a lot more money that’s it. Both spouses are responsible for marrying abs for divorce. You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced and men are some obedient puppies on a leash
My exH was 14 years older: he was pursuing me and made sure no younger suitors are anywhere near when we dated. Very powerful man to begin with and assertive in his wants in dating. I indeed was the one who filed for divorce but that was after many years of me tolerating his philandering and wasting family money on mistress.
When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce

Nah. An older man who wants to date young has to be fit, dress well, be sexworthy, and have a fun/interesting vibe. Just being a fat slob with money won't do it.

"You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced" - well yeah it should be obvious that any relationship or marriage only exists so long as it benefits the woman.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”... We already know, of course, that women wield the ultimate veto power in the mating game. It is women who give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to any advances or proposals from men.

"When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce" -- most marriages are between relative equals and still they fail. The recipe for any divorce is that as soon as the woman no longer perceives a benefit to the association (which is almost inevitable over time) she can pull the plug. And there is no penalty for doing so, and indeed, many rewards.

Listen, there will be a ton of other psychological books that state just the opposite. Women stay in marriages that don’t benefit them all the time, because of the kids. When a child is involved, divorce filing is always preceded by a lot of things that husband commits. Often it’s adultery, parental abandonment, lack of intimacy, financial dishonesty, addictions.

Plenty of fat slobs with big pockets date younger women. You said it yourself above - some women would be happy to move into his house for free living expenses. That doesn’t change the fact that these women are very damaged if they prefer free housing and spreading their legs to much older men vs taking responsibility for their financing. The latter is much easier for me than sleeping with old fags.

When women get angry one of the many things they do is accuse men of being "gay". Don't like an old woman? You're gay. Don't like a fat woman? You're gay. Saying I'm wrong? You're a misogynist, and gay.

That was actually an autocorrect, nothing against gay men. Meant to be “farts”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don’t aim to date younger, but about same age as myself. It is in most cases 50+ men who brag about sleeping with 20+ women. Whatever, if he’s willing to pay! I don’t pay to 20 something lovers to be with me for fine dining or free housing, even though I could

There you go. No 50 year old guy in this thread has even mentioned dating women in their 30s, much less 20s. I said I prefer anywhere from 45 to my age of 58 and the harpies already have me on a cruise ship while the women I like all still have baby fever. Seriously, some of you are insane.

m


58 is too old for a 45 yo woman. Why don’t you prefer someone who is 52-63, eg your own generation?

I know indeed a lot of women who had a second child in their 40s. Two couples (he had one child from prior marriage she had no kids and was 48, somehow they needed having twins when he was 60 and she was 49, divorced in 14 years due to age related hang ups in husband but happy coparent and don’t regret having late kids), second couple she was 46 husband 42 (he had no kids she had 2 grown up kids from prior marriage, they had twins from
IVF at 48) , one on her own adopted a 4 yo girl (a physician making over 0.5mm/year), one more couple adopted a baby girl at 50 (30 year marriage childless); one couple who adopted 2 girls in Ukraine in their 50s in addition to their 3 bio sons (religious family). These were all very wealthy couples either childless, or one spouse childless and wanted kids. If you ever visit a fertility clinic you will see many people trying to conceive in their 40s. It’s extremely common in dmv among well paid professionals, I don’t know which city you are from if you never heard of it.

I have one grown up child and yes my profile was so popular on OLD that I had to add a “filter” about wanting kids and marriage as only goal for dating. I met someone already. He’s couple years younger no kids but wants a child

That you know a few women in their 40s who still wanted children is irrelevant. It's pretty rare on dating sites and, who cares anyway? Obviously I'm not looking to date a woman who wants more babies. That reduces the eligible pool by some meaningless fraction of a percent, yet you swell on it. If you still want babies in your 40s, of course you should make that clear on a dating site. Really, at any age you should be clear about that wanting them or not and almost all women do answer your profile form questions. That's why they are there.

As to, "Why don’t you prefer someone who is 52-63, eg your own generation?" I'd love a woman of my own generation. 52-63 is perfect and I'll readily admit, the available pool of 45 year old, or let's say 45-51 because you set my low range at 52, is slim. But it does exist and it's a wish list. That said, I just ended a 2 month relationship with a 42 year old so it does happen. For sure I prefer younger. Do I really need to explain the reasons? As I said a few pages up, I wish you could sit down with me as I page through the profiles of women that age. I don't swipe on too many of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"58 is too old for a 45 yo woman" - that's for the 45yo woman to decide. If she's ok with it, that's nobody else's business but hers.

Exactly. The women here can be so horrible when it comes to other women. If a younger woman wants to date me, she must be insane, have serious daddy issues, only after my money, isn't thinking straight about her financial future...and come on, we are 18 pages in and saggy balls woman hasn't weighed in? Has anyone checked on her? I'm concerned.

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce but you want to spout off about what is "normal" while anything outside of that is somehow crazy? It's normal for these average age range marriages to fail. Why all the anger and vitriol by women, towards women over their dating choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"58 is too old for a 45 yo woman" - that's for the 45yo woman to decide. If she's ok with it, that's nobody else's business but hers.

Exactly. The women here can be so horrible when it comes to other women. If a younger woman wants to date me, she must be insane, have serious daddy issues, only after my money, isn't thinking straight about her financial future...and come on, we are 18 pages in and saggy balls woman hasn't weighed in? Has anyone checked on her? I'm concerned.

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce but you want to spout off about what is "normal" while anything outside of that is somehow crazy? It's normal for these average age range marriages to fail. Why all the anger and vitriol by women, towards women over their dating choices?

There is no vitriol against women’s dating choices here. Men somehow think that 40 something women would be happily throwing themselves at them for having a house and free living expenses , and that’s disgusting. I feel really bad that so many attractive divorced women are left in such dare financial situations in this country. I’ve met such “dates” who are just full of themselves and start bragging about their house, a prenup they would give me to sign to “protect themselves”, how great of dads they are and so on. I stopped in person dating and switched to phone calls/zoom to prescreen these types . But there must be an auditorium of female listeners and users of their free living quarters and that’s terrible.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

Kind of like women who want a man who is over 6 feet tall, makes at least $500k/year, etc.

Over 5’ 10” and over $300K would suffice : )

Okay the heightening surgery we need some breakthroughs on that. I can't be down for a whole year. I'm just saying everything physical you ladies can change with about 20 grand and a pretty short recovery. For us a lot of times it's not even feasible. Sure we can get you 300K some of us but the height requirements feel very exclusionary. It's not like getting a BBL, lipo or tit job. The height surgery means breaking bones for a couple of inches and you'll never be able to play sports again.

I'm just saying I know there are some fine medical minds amongst you ladies, give me some help please. Let's make 6 ft a standard achievable by all men for a price equivalent to a boob job because it's the fair thing to do.

Honestly it’s a preference not a requirement. I’ve been super attracted to men my height (5’9”) and shorter. Kind winning honest open trustworthy personality and solid stable secure responsible financials are much more important than height. Height just adds something to the sex life that is really nice to have (and actually contributes to the security feeling).

Does height really add to the sex life? Is it just in attraction or isnit something else?

If you had asked me before last year I would have said height was unimportant. I am still very attracted to men my height and shorter. However, last year I started dating a man who is 6’2” for the first time in my life and the spark is intense. Also this is embarrassing to say but I did not realize that the endowment is proportional and although I would never previously have said that it matters now that I am aware of the difference, it matters. I still would not pass over a great shorter guy on this factor alone, nor would I stay with a talk jerk because of it. However it is a really nice “nice to have.”

I don’t think the endowment being proportional bit is true. I’m a very short guy (bottom 5%) and top 1-2% endowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"58 is too old for a 45 yo woman" - that's for the 45yo woman to decide. If she's ok with it, that's nobody else's business but hers.

Exactly. The women here can be so horrible when it comes to other women. If a younger woman wants to date me, she must be insane, have serious daddy issues, only after my money, isn't thinking straight about her financial future...and come on, we are 18 pages in and saggy balls woman hasn't weighed in? Has anyone checked on her? I'm concerned.

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce but you want to spout off about what is "normal" while anything outside of that is somehow crazy? It's normal for these average age range marriages to fail. Why all the anger and vitriol by women, towards women over their dating choices?

There is no vitriol against women’s dating choices here.

LOL nice try at gaslighting but the record is plain for all to see that as the PP said, in this forum when the older man / younger woman issue comes up, invariably vitriol is directed at her for being psychologically disturbed and/or a gold-digger, and oh yeah the man gets plenty of vitriol for his preferences too ("why don't you date age appropriate women, what's wrong with you, reeeeee!").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The key question is, who are these middle aged men? There are very few who are single and desirable IME.

I think this thread is a lot of unhappy married men talking about who they wish they married

I love how these threads always have the vein of dumpy angry women triggered by reading about these qualities they don't have.

In actuality, it’s a vein of dumpy angry incel men with wishful thinking, but do go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

I wonder how many of the men who say "fit" are fit themselves.

Far less than half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s laughable. Your pool is high 50s and up.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

They’re not interested in old men, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

“LOL?” Are you a MeeMaw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

80% chance the divorce was the XWs idea, so she's the one who "abandoned the family" not him. And very often in such cases, the XW denies the man access to his kids and then lies to the kids that he doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them anymore. He really can't be blamed for finding another wife of whatever age at that point.

Yeah, no. She left because of his trash behavior, so it’s not her fault, it’s his. And your Weird Obsessive Child Custody MRA Nut. Welcome! So good to see you yet again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

80% chance the divorce was the XWs idea, so she's the one who "abandoned the family" not him. And very often in such cases, the XW denies the man access to his kids and then lies to the kids that he doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them anymore. He really can't be blamed for finding another wife of whatever age at that point.

By the time exW files for divorce he’s done many things that she can’t live with.

Doesn't alter the fact that she's the one who abandoned the family. And in the majority of cases what she "can't live with" is relatively frivolous - mainly she's just bored.

Nope. Keep repeating this lie (and you will). You’ll still be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

I don’t think they really mean fit. They mean skinny.

My coworker started cross fit and lost 50 lbs quickly. Then, she continued, but her DH wasn’t supportive. He only wanted her to lose weight, not actually to be physically fit.