A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

Women here are quick to point out that when an older man is dating a much younger woman, either there is something psychologically wrong with her or she is taking advantage of him.

Nobody comments on the fact that the same applies when an older woman dates a much younger man - there is probably something psychologically wrong with him but mainly the only reason younger guys approach older women is they think she'll be an easy, grateful lay. He's taking advantage of her for sex - and maybe she's ok with that, just like older men are ok with younger women trading sex for his money.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.

Oh I see. Women should approach dating just like men: younger is better. There is no reason why men should always get younger parters: in fact it should be the opposite. Professional women live longer and you want to have about same projected work span as your partner. Unless he’s super wealthy and can make up for you not working when he’s retired.

But it's not the opposite for the most part, is it. There is no rule that women can't date younger men so why is the opposite much more common?

Because two 30 year old men would rather share one 20 year old woman than have a 60 year woman all to themselves. And because when their friends find out they are with an older woman, they'll be mocked mercilessly.

Depends on the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

I know two women who married men 7 years younger. Meghan Markle is 3 or 4 years older than Harry. Macron’s wife is like 20 years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

[Anonymous]

I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”


― Ogden Nash, Hard Lines

Oh, and last but not the least - I want to be sexually satisfied which my first (13 years older) husband could never accomplish. Before you say you want a younger woman think hard if you are still able climax her several times a night!

I'm mid 50s, been with four women under 30 in the last year. All were gf material, and all came more than one.

I copy for everyone this guy’s comment. He also loves talking rap music with his girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

80% chance the divorce was the XWs idea, so she's the one who "abandoned the family" not him. And very often in such cases, the XW denies the man access to his kids and then lies to the kids that he doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them anymore. He really can't be blamed for finding another wife of whatever age at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don’t aim to date younger, but about same age as myself. It is in most cases 50+ men who brag about sleeping with 20+ women. Whatever, if he’s willing to pay! I don’t pay to 20 something lovers to be with me for fine dining or free housing, even though I could

There you go. No 50 year old guy in this thread has even mentioned dating women in their 30s, much less 20s. I said I prefer anywhere from 45 to my age of 58 and the harpies already have me on a cruise ship while the women I like all still have baby fever. Seriously, some of you are insane.

m


58 is too old for a 45 yo woman. Why don’t you prefer someone who is 52-63, eg your own generation?

I know indeed a lot of women who had a second child in their 40s. Two couples (he had one child from prior marriage she had no kids and was 48, somehow they needed having twins when he was 60 and she was 49, divorced in 14 years due to age related hang ups in husband but happy coparent and don’t regret having late kids), second couple she was 46 husband 42 (he had no kids she had 2 grown up kids from prior marriage, they had twins from
IVF at 48) , one on her own adopted a 4 yo girl (a physician making over 0.5mm/year), one more couple adopted a baby girl at 50 (30 year marriage childless); one couple who adopted 2 girls in Ukraine in their 50s in addition to their 3 bio sons (religious family). These were all very wealthy couples either childless, or one spouse childless and wanted kids. If you ever visit a fertility clinic you will see many people trying to conceive in their 40s. It’s extremely common in dmv among well paid professionals, I don’t know which city you are from if you never heard of it.

I have one grown up child and yes my profile was so popular on OLD that I had to add a “filter” about wanting kids and marriage as only goal for dating. I met someone already. He’s couple years younger no kids but wants a child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

80% chance the divorce was the XWs idea, so she's the one who "abandoned the family" not him. And very often in such cases, the XW denies the man access to his kids and then lies to the kids that he doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them anymore. He really can't be blamed for finding another wife of whatever age at that point.

By the time exW files for divorce he’s done many things that she can’t live with.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t oppose men who date way younger, I just think it’s gross. But I can’t think of any I know whom I didn’t already think were gross, and it doesn’t matter anyway. I think it only becomes a rub if it’s your ex-husband or your Dad.

One of the main things that is gross about it is such men have often already built and abandoned a family. It’s socially acceptable now, but for me it just means I’ll never respect you.

My personal least favorite age gap couple is David Brooks. That a-hole STILL gets paid to lecture the public about morality and he abandoned his family and religion for goodness sake for his much, much younger research assistant. Gag.

80% chance the divorce was the XWs idea, so she's the one who "abandoned the family" not him. And very often in such cases, the XW denies the man access to his kids and then lies to the kids that he doesn't care about them and doesn't want to see them anymore. He really can't be blamed for finding another wife of whatever age at that point.

By the time exW files for divorce he’s done many things that she can’t live with.

Doesn't alter the fact that she's the one who abandoned the family. And in the majority of cases what she "can't live with" is relatively frivolous - mainly she's just bored.

[Anonymous]

"58 is too old for a 45 yo woman" - that's for the 45yo woman to decide. If she's ok with it, that's nobody else's business but hers.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

It’s takes a lot more money that’s it. Both spouses are responsible for marrying abs for divorce. You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced and men are some obedient puppies on a leash
My exH was 14 years older: he was pursuing me and made sure no younger suitors are anywhere near when we dated. Very powerful man to begin with and assertive in his wants in dating. I indeed was the one who filed for divorce but that was after many years of me tolerating his philandering and wasting family money on mistress.
When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

It’s takes a lot more money that’s it. Both spouses are responsible for marrying abs for divorce. You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced and men are some obedient puppies on a leash
My exH was 14 years older: he was pursuing me and made sure no younger suitors are anywhere near when we dated. Very powerful man to begin with and assertive in his wants in dating. I indeed was the one who filed for divorce but that was after many years of me tolerating his philandering and wasting family money on mistress.
When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce

Nah. An older man who wants to date young has to be fit, dress well, be sexworthy, and have a fun/interesting vibe. Just being a fat slob with money won't do it.

"You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced" - well yeah it should be obvious that any relationship or marriage only exists so long as it benefits the woman.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”... We already know, of course, that women wield the ultimate veto power in the mating game. It is women who give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to any advances or proposals from men.

"When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce" -- most marriages are between relative equals and still they fail. The recipe for any divorce is that as soon as the woman no longer perceives a benefit to the association (which is almost inevitable over time) she can pull the plug. And there is no penalty for doing so, and indeed, many rewards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:One universal truth on DCUM: When men talk about dating younger women, a lot of women go on the attack. And from so many angles and scenarios. Why is that and why do you care? Like it's so offensive to prefer an age group that is a little younger.

But notice in this thread, when women have said they date younger, no man has said a word about it. We just don't care. I know I don't. If you like younger guys, I certainly get that and I'm happy for you.

I don't care except for one thing: I think the women writing about it are lying because I see zero evidence of this going on in real life. I've encountered a small age gap twice in my entire life, it was just 5 years and 10 years, and I really pity those guys.

Read better above: women here comment they prefer dating peers of about same age. Statistics tell that on average men are only 2-3 years older than their wives. I know many successful marriages where a woman is up to 5 years older. I think that marrying someone from a different generation is bad for both men and women. No matter how hard some 55+ guy pretends liking rap, he will look weird to 20+ women unless he has a deep pocket. And women his age would call him immature Peter Pan type

LOL the kind of 55+ guy who can get a 20-something woman could not care less what "women his age" think.

Lol this depends much more on the 20-something woman than the 50 yo guy. The guy only needs to be reasonably solvent. The women have judgment problems. There is a guy on this thread who boasts about bedding 20-something women with no self-awareness that none of these women are making good choices by being with his player / Peter Pan / unserious self.

It takes a lot more than just a little bit of money for a guy in his 50s to date a woman in her 20s.

Women who like older men are no more broken and lacking in judgment than women who like similar-age men. The divorce rate alone shows that ALL women are bad at picking men.

It’s takes a lot more money that’s it. Both spouses are responsible for marrying abs for divorce. You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced and men are some obedient puppies on a leash
My exH was 14 years older: he was pursuing me and made sure no younger suitors are anywhere near when we dated. Very powerful man to begin with and assertive in his wants in dating. I indeed was the one who filed for divorce but that was after many years of me tolerating his philandering and wasting family money on mistress.
When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce

Nah. An older man who wants to date young has to be fit, dress well, be sexworthy, and have a fun/interesting vibe. Just being a fat slob with money won't do it.

"You make it sound like women are the ones who make a decision to date, get married and divorced" - well yeah it should be obvious that any relationship or marriage only exists so long as it benefits the woman.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/machiavellians-gulling-the-rubes/201610/briffaults-law-women-rule

Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”... We already know, of course, that women wield the ultimate veto power in the mating game. It is women who give thumbs-up or thumbs-down to any advances or proposals from men.

"When there is a large power imbalance in a couple (money, age, looks take one), it’s a recipe for divorce" -- most marriages are between relative equals and still they fail. The recipe for any divorce is that as soon as the woman no longer perceives a benefit to the association (which is almost inevitable over time) she can pull the plug. And there is no penalty for doing so, and indeed, many rewards.

Listen, there will be a ton of other psychological books that state just the opposite. Women stay in marriages that don’t benefit them all the time, because of the kids. When a child is involved, divorce filing is always preceded by a lot of things that husband commits. Often it’s adultery, parental abandonment, lack of intimacy, financial dishonesty, addictions.

Plenty of fat slobs with big pockets date younger women. You said it yourself above - some women would be happy to move into his house for free living expenses. That doesn’t change the fact that these women are very damaged if they prefer free housing and spreading their legs to much older men vs taking responsibility for their financing. The latter is much easier for me than sleeping with old fags.