What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

The trolls… just yuck

[Anonymous]

I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his wife's nagging and controlling behavior (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

The other one was a dud from the start. He managed to find someone else who would put up with his behavior after the divorce. She's nice but has zero self esteem and I think that's why he gets away with being a dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

So these men can’t afford to fight for shared custody yet are paying the bulk of expenses? Please explain how that works.

Do you have a reading comprehension problem? There is no fight for shared custody. You do not have to pay for it. Are rarely custody fights. If a parent wants 50-50 they will get 50-50. This is the case in Virginia. Don’t need money to afford to fight for custody because you are going to just get it if you ask for it. I don’t know in what world you think men are paying the bulk of expenses. Income of both parents are considered and there is a formula and both parents contribute if they’re working. Your ideas about divorce or about 25 years old. I don’t know one man who does not have 50-50 custody and they do not pay the bulk of the expenses. They’re getting away with a couple hundred dollars a month in a lot of cases. It does not support a child and it is no way the bulk of expenses at all.

Not sure what you mean. The presumably male, presumably MRA PP said that ex-husbands are 1. paying the bulk of childcare expenses so they are exempt from doing any actual parenting, and 2. They do not have custody because they could not afford to fight for it in court.

So I asked PP to explain how that works. Because you can’t claim that men can’t afford to fight for 50-50 custody, yet also claim that these same men are affording to pay for 2 households, tuition, activities, clothes, and all other expenses. I’d love to hear his explanation for why he couldn’t afford an attorney yet can afford to pay SO MUCH in child support that he is exempt from parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex dud, who refuses to pay tuition for our kid, just Venmoed his lady friend a couple hundred bucks to get her nails done. The long talon kind. What a ridiculous loser. I cringe for them both.

Tuition to where? How much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no shortage of women on this board complaining about their "dud" husbands - they're detached, emotionally unavailable, lazy, don't plan anything, irritable, etc. What are those guys like after the divorce? Do they change after the divorce? Do they find women who don't have those complaints? I'm curious how much of these alleged shortcomings are about the context - either a product of the guy's discontent with his wife, or the wife having unreasonable expectations - and how much is just that the guy isn't capable of maintaining a successful relationship, or whatever.

They find hotter, younger women who appreciate them for who they are and what they bring to the table instead of constant complaning, nagging and criticism that their first wives gave them.

What do I win?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So, apparently these are the men I attract. Or settle for.

Losers? Well, I at least give you credit for admitting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his wife's nagging and controlling behavior (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

That sounds like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his wife's nagging and controlling behavior (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

That sounds like me.

Just keep your responsibility level nice and low and don’t have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Mine is still single and totally broke. I’m remarried 10 years and thriving on all fronts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no shortage of women on this board complaining about their "dud" husbands - they're detached, emotionally unavailable, lazy, don't plan anything, irritable, etc. What are those guys like after the divorce? Do they change after the divorce? Do they find women who don't have those complaints? I'm curious how much of these alleged shortcomings are about the context - either a product of the guy's discontent with his wife, or the wife having unreasonable expectations - and how much is just that the guy isn't capable of maintaining a successful relationship, or whatever.

They find hotter, younger women who appreciate them for who they are and what they bring to the table instead of constant complaning, nagging and criticism that their first wives gave them.

What do I win?

Then those women grow up and the cycle repeats itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his wife's nagging and controlling behavior (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

The other one was a dud from the start. He managed to find someone else who would put up with his behavior after the divorce. She's nice but has zero self esteem and I think that's why he gets away with being a dud.

So what you’re really saying is, it’s all the women’s fault. They are too demanding. Or not demanding enough. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

So these men can’t afford to fight for shared custody yet are paying the bulk of expenses? Please explain how that works.

What is there not to get? If they pay child support, alimony and everything on top, how much do uyou think is left, especially if they are not huge income. Plus, they have to pay for their own housing. It’s easy to say fight but it costs a lot of money and the mom screams abuse and he has to prove he did not abuse which is near impossible vs her prove the abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

So these men can’t afford to fight for shared custody yet are paying the bulk of expenses? Please explain how that works.

Do you have a reading comprehension problem? There is no fight for shared custody. You do not have to pay for it. Are rarely custody fights. If a parent wants 50-50 they will get 50-50. This is the case in Virginia. Don’t need money to afford to fight for custody because you are going to just get it if you ask for it. I don’t know in what world you think men are paying the bulk of expenses. Income of both parents are considered and there is a formula and both parents contribute if they’re working. Your ideas about divorce or about 25 years old. I don’t know one man who does not have 50-50 custody and they do not pay the bulk of the expenses. They’re getting away with a couple hundred dollars a month in a lot of cases. It does not support a child and it is no way the bulk of expenses at all.

Not sure what you mean. The presumably male, presumably MRA PP said that ex-husbands are 1. paying the bulk of childcare expenses so they are exempt from doing any actual parenting, and 2. They do not have custody because they could not afford to fight for it in court.

So I asked PP to explain how that works. Because you can’t claim that men can’t afford to fight for 50-50 custody, yet also claim that these same men are affording to pay for 2 households, tuition, activities, clothes, and all other expenses. I’d love to hear his explanation for why he couldn’t afford an attorney yet can afford to pay SO MUCH in child support that he is exempt from parenting.

Men do not pay for two households after a divorce. They pay for one. Child support is not the cost of a second household. There is no money needed to get 50/50 custody in most cases; it is a given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no shortage of women on this board complaining about their "dud" husbands - they're detached, emotionally unavailable, lazy, don't plan anything, irritable, etc. What are those guys like after the divorce? Do they change after the divorce? Do they find women who don't have those complaints? I'm curious how much of these alleged shortcomings are about the context - either a product of the guy's discontent with his wife, or the wife having unreasonable expectations - and how much is just that the guy isn't capable of maintaining a successful relationship, or whatever.

They find hotter, younger women who appreciate them for who they are and what they bring to the table instead of constant complaning, nagging and criticism that their first wives gave them.

What do I win?

If these people gave women hell and were duds I don’t think the exes care. It wouldn’t change how the man treated them.

[Anonymous]

As an example. If a guy routinely was out of work and taking money and getting drunk with friends and leaving messes all over the house and cheating on you regularly with other people and coming home angry every night and basically treating you like garbage and making the home filthy, would you really care who they were with? Even if they totally changed themselves around they would never do so in the presence of you. It would be a lost cause.