Tell me about adoption
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Anonymous
DP. Sorry but the comment above IS relevant to this thread. It brings up a differing perspective which does not mean it should not be welcome if people want to have honest insights as to adoption and the process. If you don't agree that's fine but telling someone they have a mental health issue because they have a differing viewpoint actually speaks more to your own mentality than the PP. |
Anonymous
may i ask which country you adopted from ? |
Anonymous
what agency nad what country? |
Anonymous
what agency, what country ? im 48 and DW is 37, people say holt is good but my age is eliminating us from alot of countries |
Anonymous
We ran into that issue too and adopted domestically, similar age difference. |
Anonymous
It has zero relevance and they are discussing things that are showing that they are having mental health issues. |
Anonymous
what agency and what type of adoption did you do ? |
Anonymous
?? Like what? |
Anonymous
| Let it go. Enough. |
Anonymous
Your age range is not unusual. What countries would you be willing to consider? |
Anonymous
A PP literally asked "do you believe all adoption is wrong?" So I responded to the question. Sorry, but you're not the decider on what does and does not get to be asked or responded to in this thread. I have said my piece and would be happy to leave this thread to the "what country/what agency" discussion, but you keep popping up with gaslighting and empty, nonsensical statements. You haven't said anything with any substance in it at all, aside from perhaps your argument that OP did not intend for this thread to encompass these topics, but OP has not chimed in, so we don't know! As far as mental health issues, it's pretty obvious that you are projecting. I'm sorry that in your delicate state of mental health, you cannot stand to hear well reasoned opinions that are contrary to your opinions, whatever they may be. I can tell you this, you're not persuading anybody here who has a brain. In addition, you seem to believe that the criticisms of adoption are coming from one person, so maybe you're mixing up the back stories. There are several PPs here who talked about negative experiences. Not just one. |
Anonymous
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"A 2016 study by The Donaldson Adoption Institute shows that Gellin's [birthmother] experience is not uncommon, and not the worst of what some birth parents endure during the adoption process.
It found that nearly 85 percent of surveyed mothers would have liked to know more about available parenting resources—such as housing, medical, childcare, and food assistance, parenting classes, and counseling—before deciding to go the adoption route. Furthermore, almost 78 percent wish they had known more about the implications of placement." ... "The second phase of the study by The Donaldson Adoption Institute, released in 2017, found that more than half of the surveyed birth mothers felt coerced into adoption in some way during pregnancy, either by their partners/families or by the agencies themselves. Subtle coercion by agencies can begin with agency pamphlets themselves: promising the child emotional and financial stability and parents who can provide the best education. The Donaldson researchers found that, during the first few meetings with birth parents, agencies tended to go straight into adoption logistics without covering other options and relevant information, such as parenting resources, access to independent counselors and legal representation, and support groups before and after birth. Additionally, information gained about the expectant parent's life—for example, concerns about finances or emotional support—are often used to dissuade a woman from changing her mind later. The researchers also found that some adoption professionals only considered their work successful if the adoption goes through. For her book The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption, journalist Kathryn Joyce spoke to dozens of women whose experiences matched those in the Donaldson study. Both also found that, whether intended or not, the practice of matching—when expectant parents choose the family who will raise her child—increases the belief that someone else should be raising her child. The process usually involves giving expectant parents profile books or websites made by prospective adoptive families that, Joyce told VICE, are "often showing their class and the lifestyle that they could provide to a child, which serves as a form of pressure in and of itself.” And as the expectant parent and prospective adoptive parents form a relationship, that pressure compounds, said Joyce—especially if the prospective parents are present for the baby’s birth. The women Joyce talked to “were made to feel that they were not competent or deserving of keeping the child that they wanted,” she said, “that somebody else was a better-suited parent, and that the non-selfish thing to do would be to give the child up.” https://www.vice.com/en/article/qvg45m/the-devious-ways-parents-are-pressured-to-give-up-their-children-for-adoption |
Anonymous
I would not be able to gloss over this if I were to adopt. But what can you do to make sure that the birth mother was not coerced or pressured? |
Anonymous
I think it should be mandated reading for any prospective adoptive family. I also think that proper 3rd party counseling and legal assistance, NOT by the agency nor adoptive family nor medical provider, be a federal mandate. Keep reading the article to see how with the intervention of one organization, there were hundreds of mothers/parents who were able to keep their babies with the help of someone finding sources of assistance - housing, WIC, etc. I found this to be particularly troubling and I know personally that this isn't the only case. IMO any health care professional who preys on a prospective/new mother and coerces an adoption out of them should lose their license and be brought up on Federal charges. This is absolutely criminal... "One of SOS’s 304 women was Sarah Johnson. When Johnson (whose name has been changed for privacy), gave birth to her second child in April 2018, she didn’t know anything about adoption. She, too, suffered hyperemesis with both of her pregnancies. Johnson was a 25-year-old stay-at-home mom and, during her pregnancy, her boyfriend lost his job. Then, the couple lost their house. They moved in with his family, who said there wouldn’t be room once the baby came. “It was just a lot of things,” she said. “I was feeling super negative.” At the hospital, Johnson and her labor and delivery nurse talked for hours. Johnson spoke of her fears of having two children and the possibility of having to start over without her boyfriend. The nurse began to say things like, “you have so much on your plate and maybe it is too much,” Johnson recalled. She suggested that adoption could alleviate some of the pressure. Eventually, Johnson had been awake for 48 hours, was taking pain medication post-childbirth, and agreed that the nurse was right. With that, an adoption facilitator arrived at the hospital with the prospective adoptive parents, Johnson recalled. “I was terrified,” Johnson said. “The doctors at the hospital, the nurses, everybody was like, ‘This is such a selfless thing. You can tell you love your kids because you’re trying to do what’s best.’” "My whole body missed my baby." Johnson and her boyfriend later met with an agency-affiliated social worker. In her state, parents cannot consent to adoption until 72 hours after birth. They were a few hours early. She recalled that the social worker changed the time on the documents to be in compliance with the law, which Johnson found concerning. After two days, Johnson wasn’t sleeping or eating; she was crying on the floor and her milk was coming in. “My whole body missed my baby,” she said. Johnson asked an online birth parent support group if anyone knew how to revoke an adoption. Someone connected her to SOS. The next day, Gelin had someone writing the revocation letter and paid for it to be notarized. She set Johnson up with a Sister on the Ground named Rebecca Lopez, and warned that the facilitator, agency, and the couple were likely to attack." |
Anonymous
Start your own thread on the evils of adoption. |