Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently ended a 4-year affair. I never loved her. I compartmentalized. She’s nothing like my wife. My wife is beautiful, intelligent, confident, has a successful career and a wonderful family. This woman was broken like me. She is actually everything I don’t like. I actually “picked” somebody I knew I could never fall in love with. She told me she loved me and I strung her along because it was easy sex. I used her. She does not work. She is a liar and a cheater (yes- I know I am too). She is not that intelligent, but full of her self.

I ended it and never looked back. The woman wanted to leave her husband for me. I always told her I would never leave my wife. It was easy sex I used to fill a void I had inside myself which had nothing to do with my wife or our sex life. I was having regular, good sex with my wife. This was due to Mental issues I had and an unhealthy need for constant validation and thrill/risk. I started therapy while it was going on and knew it was wrong. It was like an alcoholic that uses booze, but hates himself and hates the booze. I ended up truly hating this woman. She was extremely manipulative and started stalking me. There are addiction issues in my family which I suffer with and I need to address facts about myself I never have before.

I am so angry at myself. I hate myself. My life was perfect. My wife and kids are perfect. I f@cked everything up. I see how awful I was. I am doing everything to try and fix this and I’m so scared my wife will never get over it. I don’t blame her.

You're one of the few men on here who have done some self-reflection and see that cheating was because of something within you. I hope you make yourself better and thereby making your relationship with your wife/kids better in the process.

NP here. No, he's one of the few men on here who fits your narrative. I think he sounds like a pathetic drama queen.

[Anonymous]

To the people doubting the cheater in therapy, have you not read his wife’s posts? His story is completely aligned with hers. I don’t think he sounds like a drama queen at all. I think he sounds like someone who hates what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ bitch. Think about his wife and kids. I’d cut you.

Not all women are the same. I understand why a married man would be a good option for some women.
I would not divorce over an affair. I told my DH that years ago. There is more to marriage than sex. Some people do not care. I would not. I also can see why being a mistress can keep a man in a marriage he would otherwise leave and in that case, the wife and kids should be thanking her for avoiding a divorce.

Not everyone views marriage as some black and white romantic fairytale. Also, blame the person going outside the family (which may be what they need to stay)...that is the person people should blame. Not the OW.

I agree.
Finally a voice of reason, for once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ bitch. Think about his wife and kids. I’d cut you.

Not all women are the same. I understand why a married man would be a good option for some women.
I would not divorce over an affair. I told my DH that years ago. There is more to marriage than sex. Some people do not care. I would not. I also can see why being a mistress can keep a man in a marriage he would otherwise leave and in that case, the wife and kids should be thanking her for avoiding a divorce.

Not everyone views marriage as some black and white romantic fairytale. Also, blame the person going outside the family (which may be what they need to stay)...that is the person people should blame. Not the OW.

I agree.
Finally a voice of reason, for once.

Disagree. Never bring a third party into your marriage. Never.

You are f@cking delusional of you think this will help a marriage. Delusional.

It will eventually be discovers and then, like the poster u quoted “I’d cut you”.

[Anonymous]

The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

They’ve been reading too many Ashley Madison advertisements. Life is short, have an affair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

They’ve been reading too many Ashley Madison advertisements. Life is short, have an affair...

Right? In what world does this happen? How much kool aid are they drinking?

[Anonymous]

It's like talking to Ted Bundy. If you ever saw The Bundy Tapes on Netflix his psychology was interesting. It all made sense to him. Some broken people can't be fixed, others need to take that first step. Admitting they are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like talking to Ted Bundy. If you ever saw The Bundy Tapes on Netflix his psychology was interesting. It all made sense to him. Some broken people can't be fixed, others need to take that first step. Admitting they are the problem.

And there are many women like this. It's not just men. I had the pleasure of meeting one last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

They’ve been reading too many Ashley Madison advertisements. Life is short, have an affair...

Right? In what world does this happen? How much kool aid are they drinking?

Pretty tasty stuff right there, just sayin' . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think plenty of people marry the wrong people or marry for the wrong reasons and it catches up with them. And then they're 50. And they have a slew of short-term affairs to feel better about themselves or they actually meet someone they have a long-term affair with who they may even love. And if they want to really be with that person they have to get out of their marriage which is a nasty solution for most.

+1... This....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

Whoa! You may want to explore the source of your rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

Whoa! You may want to explore the source of your rage.

I'm thinking it's the Whore and Whore-monger but I could be wrong lol. What do you expect when a family is treated this way. Of course the kids are angry.

My sils kids didn't talk to their dad for many years Two never did nor invited him to their wedding. The horrible AP thankfully died 5 years later which cheater didn't foresee. Threw away his entire family and finances over garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Can I ask how is it that you were in this relationship for 4 years and just now feel guilty? What led to ending this relationship and this feeling of guilt? What if your wife doesn't want to have sex with you for a while because of cheating....how long will you be patient and not cheat again?

NP here, also broke off a shorter affair after getting caught. The PP you asked is far more reflective than I am. I take responsibility, but I also have some resentment that I tried oh, maybe 30 conversations with my wife about doing something to get our sex life up and running and all were dismissed or she tried then settled back into once a month or so. I was so lonely.

Still, the affair killed any chance of us ever reconnecting. She doesn't want to divorce, not yet, but it's been six months of no intimacy and I am dying inside. How long can I wait? Tomorrow for sure, next week probably, but at some point marriage isn't a misery contract. She is SAH so perhaps until she gets a job and is financially stable? I feel horrible for the fall out, she deserves better and so do I.

I think you've posted on here before and I remember you. I think you got creamed last time you posted almost exactly the same thing.

You may want to do some self reflection like the other poster. Honestly, I have no sympathy for you because you blame your wife for your cheating. People can divorce or go to sex therapist instead of cheating. You chose to cheat and you have no remorse whatsoever. Your wife will be affected for a very long time and you are on here complaining. How will you recompense your wife for your general shittyness and why do you deserve better? You will be out in the world again with that a-hole attitude and at least do others a favor and do not get married ever again. You got similar response to mine last time and you still come back with same comments.

Not sure what you mean, if we divorce I will give my wife whatever she is financially entitled to. Not here to make her future miserable, I care about her.

And not to worry, I will never, ever get married again. Thanks for your concern.

Next time you decide to post on here, don't blame your wife for your cheating. She didn't make you cheat, you did that all by yourself. You don't want to make her future miserable but you are with blaming her for cheating. You are miserable because you don't have empathy for your wife and are only concerned about yourself.

+1, np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids thanking a whore that stole time from them to cheat on their mother and f@ck their dad?

Yeah. Every kid I know that finds that out just loves the whore, even more than their own mother. In fact, das gets a pass too.

Some of you are seriously f@cked in the bean.

Whoa! You may want to explore the source of your rage.

I'm thinking it's the Whore and Whore-monger but I could be wrong lol. What do you expect when a family is treated this way. Of course the kids are angry.

My sils kids didn't talk to their dad for many years Two never did nor invited him to their wedding. The horrible AP thankfully died 5 years later which cheater didn't foresee. Threw away his entire family and finances over garbage.

You are tied to this person with a bond of anger and hate that will never be broken unless you forgive. You win by not being moved in any way by this person’s past, present, or future. Cut loose and move on. Your writing shows how emotional and hurt you are about it. Forgive for you, not for them. NP