Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

It is really shocking to see how many people on here think a person in a sexless marriage can be content with masturbation. For ever. That is messed up.

[Anonymous]

It’s called being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is really shocking to see how many people on here think a person in a sexless marriage can be content with masturbation. For ever. That is messed up.

Hello! You can divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My AP loves her H and I love my W. Been cheating going on 2 years and we have it down. On some level I greatly dislike that she has such callous disregard for the situation but I don't take it out on her anymore. I'm a much happier man for once again having a good sex life. She has every reason to be suspicious, knowing I don't, or didn't accept our sexless marriage and knowing that there has been a big change in me for the better recently while at the same time, I've stopped discussing sex with her.now I'm convinced she doesn't want to know and accepts it.

I'm convinced you are a narcissistic pig.

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My AP loves her H and I love my W. Been cheating going on 2 years and we have it down. On some level I greatly dislike that she has such callous disregard for the situation but I don't take it out on her anymore. I'm a much happier man for once again having a good sex life. She has every reason to be suspicious, knowing I don't, or didn't accept our sexless marriage and knowing that there has been a big change in me for the better recently while at the same time, I've stopped discussing sex with her.now I'm convinced she doesn't want to know and accepts it.

I'm convinced you are a narcissistic pig.

Agreed. So much entitlement with this guy. Cheating is the only acceptable solution for him because it’s good for him. If you’re a jerk, I guess you never have to worry about doing the right thing. You know, why give women in your life any agency over their life path? Aren’t women put on earth just to please him? Just a super jerk.

She has "agency" over her life path. She has chosen her life path with no regard for our marriage. I'm not going to interfere any longer in her chosen path. She isn't losing anything in this arrangement. She doesn't want intimacy with me and I no longer bother her about it. It's all good, really. Who knows, maybe something will click in her head some day and the switch will be turned back on, the same as it got turned off and we will resume. I'm not counting on it, but I never saw this coming either so I guess it could happen. Meanwhile, I know you would wish a sexless life upon me that I would never wish on you. Or a blown up marriage. But I'll manage this how I see fit. I hope it never happens to you. Any of you.

[Anonymous]

^ so much drama in your post that says really nothing. again, just divorce. It’s an option. You don’t live your wife so set her free.

[Anonymous]

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and What makes you so sure? I was positive it would never happen also.
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and Maybe, you don't know until it happens
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

Yeah, you say that now while you enjoy your married life the way it should be. I was once just like you and would have said those same things. I'm truly happy for you. I hope I don't find you on AshleyMadison in 2 years but you never know.

[Anonymous]

^ just divorce. Set your wife free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ just divorce. Set your wife free.

I don't have her chained up. She is free to leave any time she likes. Or she can stay and deny her reality. Denial is working for her so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

New poster, you come across as really smug. That's great for you that your marriage is working and remains intimate after 25 years. Others aren't so lucky. And yes there is luck to some degree in having a long marriage survive happily unless you think all divorced people had it coming

My job is secure from Coronavirus and I have a lot of savings but I don't jump on boards of people struggling financially to tell them how wise I was to pick a career 25 years ago that can survive pandemics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

New poster, you come across as really smug. That's great for you that your marriage is working and remains intimate after 25 years. Others aren't so lucky. And yes there is luck to some degree in having a long marriage survive happily unless you think all divorced people had it coming

My job is secure from Coronavirus and I have a lot of savings but I don't jump on boards of people struggling financially to tell them how wise I was to pick a career 25 years ago that can survive pandemics.

I’m not the original poster. She doesn’t sound smug to me. She sounds normal and says that there are mature ways of handling things. She also says that she wouldn’t cheat for her own self respect. Much to recommend her as a persons. Doing the right thing has nothing to do with your luck/circumstances and a lot to do with how you handle situations. The guys who are OK with cheating aren’t doing the right thing. It’s a character issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ just divorce. Set your wife free.

I don't have her chained up. She is free to leave any time she likes. Or she can stay and deny her reality. Denial is working for her so far.

You're the one who's doing something she doesn't know about. She needs to know in order to make a decision. She might or might not divorce you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

New poster, you come across as really smug. That's great for you that your marriage is working and remains intimate after 25 years. Others aren't so lucky. And yes there is luck to some degree in having a long marriage survive happily unless you think all divorced people had it coming

My job is secure from Coronavirus and I have a lot of savings but I don't jump on boards of people struggling financially to tell them how wise I was to pick a career 25 years ago that can survive pandemics.

I’m not the original poster. She doesn’t sound smug to me. She sounds normal and says that there are mature ways of handling things. She also says that she wouldn’t cheat for her own self respect. Much to recommend her as a persons. Doing the right thing has nothing to do with your luck/circumstances and a lot to do with how you handle situations. The guys who are OK with cheating aren’t doing the right thing. It’s a character issue.

With respect, pontificating from high comes across as smug. She (and you) think you know what you would do in some hypothetical situation where intimacy dried up. So simple, have a conversation, and if that doesn't work out, divorce!

And if you have financial concerns? Mortgages that are tight in a good school district that means a divorce will require selling the house and moving to a lesser school? A special needs kid that requires an extra set of hands? One job that provides health insurance for the whole family? Suddenly "just divorce" isn't so simple (not that its simple under the best of circumstances). And until you have lived months, years without physical touch, you don't know what you are talking about. Sex and reproduction is on the top of the hierarchy of needs right beside food, air, water and shelter (and yes, I understand some people are asexual or low sexual and have no need for it).

And yes, I know there are some people who cheat for variety. My point is you have no idea what people are going through but feel free to sit on your perch from your happy 25 year married and throw stones if it makes you feel better. You are clearly morally superior to the rest of the people below you.

There but for the grace of God go ye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B. Neither of us will cut the other off, and
C. I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and
D. I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.

New poster, you come across as really smug. That's great for you that your marriage is working and remains intimate after 25 years. Others aren't so lucky. And yes there is luck to some degree in having a long marriage survive happily unless you think all divorced people had it coming

My job is secure from Coronavirus and I have a lot of savings but I don't jump on boards of people struggling financially to tell them how wise I was to pick a career 25 years ago that can survive pandemics.

I’m not the original poster. She doesn’t sound smug to me. She sounds normal and says that there are mature ways of handling things. She also says that she wouldn’t cheat for her own self respect. Much to recommend her as a persons. Doing the right thing has nothing to do with your luck/circumstances and a lot to do with how you handle situations. The guys who are OK with cheating aren’t doing the right thing. It’s a character issue.

With respect, pontificating from high comes across as smug. She (and you) think you know what you would do in some hypothetical situation where intimacy dried up. So simple, have a conversation, and if that doesn't work out, divorce!

And if you have financial concerns? Mortgages that are tight in a good school district that means a divorce will require selling the house and moving to a lesser school? A special needs kid that requires an extra set of hands? One job that provides health insurance for the whole family? Suddenly "just divorce" isn't so simple (not that its simple under the best of circumstances). And until you have lived months, years without physical touch, you don't know what you are talking about. Sex and reproduction is on the top of the hierarchy of needs right beside food, air, water and shelter (and yes, I understand some people are asexual or low sexual and have no need for it).

And yes, I know there are some people who cheat for variety. My point is you have no idea what people are going through but feel free to sit on your perch from your happy 25 year married and throw stones if it makes you feel better. You are clearly morally superior to the rest of the people below you.

There but for the grace of God go ye.

Respectfully, I do know. Character comes through when you have to make tough decisions. It's about self-respect.