What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

A grocery store is just a place where someone has disassembled foods and hid all the pieces. - Ivan Decker

[Anonymous]

"Honey, I bought you 10 apples for each day I am away on a business trip."
"What for?"
"To keep the doctor away!"

[Anonymous]

The building was burning and the mother and a child were trapped inside. A man yelled from below. "Throw the child to me, I will catch him. I was a professional goalie."
Mom had no choice and threw the child to the man below.
The crowd bellow yelled:
"Goal!!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does the cowboy take his trash?
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump

???????

When you say the punchline in your head, try singing it to the tune of the Lone Ranger theme song.

AKA the William Tell Overture

Is this a super old people thing? Boomers? I'm 40 and have zero idea what either of these are.

I'm 8:46 - the one who said to sing the punchline to the tune of the Lone Ranger Theme Song. I'm 44. Google "the Lone Ranger Theme Song" or William Tell Overture and you'll recognize the tune.

I’m 34 and got it on the first read, sans hints.

The original version of this joke was where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

[Anonymous]

The one about whether men care about a woman’s degree.

[Anonymous]

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

So a horse walks into a bar; and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

[Anonymous]

Q: How do you change a Fox into an Elephant?
A: You marry her.

Q: How do you turn a Stallion into a Pig?
A: You marry him.

[Anonymous]

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

[Anonymous]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft and it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Q: How do you change a Fox into an Elephant?
A: You marry her.

Q: How do you turn a Stallion into a Pig?
A: You marry him.

Hahahahaha

[Anonymous]

This isn't really a joke, but a funny thing that happened to me a few years ago.

I was shopping for my husband in the men's department of Macy's in downtown Philly - if you've ever been - it's a BEAUTIFUL store! Used to be John Wanamaker's and has incredibly ornate and intricate designs on the ceilings. Anyway, I was browsing the racks and noticed this blind man with a seeing-eye dog walk towards the middle of the store. Suddenly the guy picks his service dog up by the harness and starts swinging the dog around and around in the air! Like in a circular motion - it was nuts! People are freaking out, but no one says anything directly to the guy because, well, blind. An employee (I think the manager) walks up and is like "Sir! What's going on? Can I help you with anything?".

The blind guy say, "Nah. I'm just looking around."

[Anonymous]

What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

A hippo is a big heavy animal and a zippo is a little lighter.

[Anonymous]

"Jesus Loves You."

Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.