husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your one child’s inheritance is your main concern? How about focusing on the great aspects of having a sibling instead.

My favorite saying about siblings: only your sibling will remember your childhood and what your parents were like as parents. Only siblings will ever know the whole story of your life intimately.

Plus my best friend in the world is an only child. Now that her parents are hitting their 80s, the burden of taking care of them is entirely on her. She has watched my siblings and me care for both of our parents through their final illnesses, and she is seeing her DH and their siblings cope with their parents. And she is alone in this burden. Both her DH and I are as helpful and supportive as we can be, but it’s not the same. It absolutely concerns me about what happens for her when they are gone, too. That’s far more important than an inheritance for a competent adult.

Having a sibling is not a reason for OP to continue the pregnancy.

But having her current only child have an inheritance is a reason to terminate??? Really? They are two sides of the same coin.

It doesn't matter what her reasons are. They are hers to decide. Her body, her choice, no judgement.

For the umpteenth time: SHE is the one who said that she was basing it on her the current prospective inheritance. The rest of us are pointing out the stupidity and futility of that reasoning. And yeah, she invited that by posting it as her rationale. Don’t want people to present alternatives? Then don’t post a ridiculous rationalization.

As for the “no judgement” idea - you new here? Or to life in general? All of us make decisions that other people judge. That’s how society functions. We analyze others’ choices and try to improve upon theirs when presented the opportunity. That’s how we become better decision makers. And before you attempt to clap back, please note that there’s a connotative difference between that and being judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP! You are closing 2019 and the decade with the perfect outrageous thread that will result in a massive number of responses. Please contact the Lifetime Channel to see if you can sell them a script.

[Anonymous]

Haha - same dumb thread! OP you are a loser troll.

[Anonymous]

PP with surprise mid-40s pregnancy back with a few additional thoughts, based on other points made here.

1) I am also an only child caring for a parent who is mid-90s and still living at home. I would give anything for a caring sibling at this point in my life, though I recognize that not all siblings are equal. Having a sibling may or may not help your child later in life, but a helpful sibling is invaluable where elderly parents are concerned.

2) Even if doctors refused sterilization when you were in your late 20s, it does not excuse the fact that you have not followed up in your 30s. Personally, I cannot imagine that you could not have been sterilized if you really had a mind to do it, but you are old enough now that you could have found someone to take care of this. DH certainly could have done that.

3) I grew up low-income, though not in poverty, and I understand how it can shape your life decisions. It has definitely shaped mine. As a wise PP observed, do not let childhood poverty steal more from you than it already has.

This is still your choice, OP. Regardless, it will probably end in divorce and the draining of resources/future inheritance. Not sure how a marriage could bounce back from this if one partner cannot accept the decision of the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11 year old dd and I just found out I am pregnant. I don't want this child and my husband wants it. I have been so careful with my birth control regiment. Our dd is set for life and if we have another one it means that she will get half of what she has now and her inheritance will be divided by two. I just can't. We have discussed it for three days now and he won't budge. If I terminate he threatened divorce. I cannot bring a child into this world that I know I won't love. When we got married we both didn't want any children, then he changed his mind and I gave in. I only agreed because he promised we would be one and done.

You have a long time to go and that means that inheritance amount can change because there will be so much that will happen between now and the time your child inherits. It could be much larger and it could be much smaller. Money is volatile even if you can't believe that right now. Even the filthy rich would say that's true. Yes, having another child will strain your resources and it will mean your current child will get less. And I won't jumped on the bandwagon that says your child will treasure their sibling more because not all kids will. If you have time, considering sorting out your feelings with a counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could live to be 100 yrs old or older. Your kid better be able to support herself without the inheritance. Ultimately it is your choice. Make sure you are okay being a single parent though.

And your kid will have to take care of you all by herself.

Luckily when my mom was dying of breast cancer I had my sister around for support and to share the work load.

There is nothing written down to say that children have to take care of their parents. Ridiculous.

No, there isn’t. But you must hate your parents if you aren’t helping them in their old age. Most of us aren’t that dysfunctional.

Judging again. Not dysfunctional realistic. Keep trying to push the agenda that she should have a sibling for her current child ,on the off chance she gets sick or needs help when she ages.....

Let's look at this another way. Let's say she ends up having a child that needs care for the rest of their life. Should current DD have to take care of their sibling when theiir parents die???? Is it mandatory, no.

This is op's decision, period, the end.

[Anonymous]

As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

+1000000000000000000000

I believe men get a say. If he wants to divorce her and take the baby then shouldn’t that be considered? Two people decided to have sex. There is a child growing inside her with her husbands DNA. Of course she can do what she wants, but to do that without consideration of others is just, I don’t know - really unfair. I’d be in a therapists office ASAP to discuss calmly or assume the marriage is over either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the roles were reversed, the Wife could keep the baby and obligate the father to support, but in this case the Father has no say? Does that seem fair?

I would divorce you.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may inherit more than a million and I may inherit nothing, but if you told me I could guarantee it was the million by giving up my sister I’d tell you to GFY.

I may inherit more than a million and I may inherit nothing, but if you told me I could trade the million for a sibling, I’d tell you to GFY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

+1000000000000000000000

I believe men get a say. If he wants to divorce her and take the baby then shouldn’t that be considered? Two people decided to have sex. There is a child growing inside her with her husbands DNA. Of course she can do what she wants, but to do that without consideration of others is just, I don’t know - really unfair. I’d be in a therapists office ASAP to discuss calmly or assume the marriage is over either way.

But OP has considered her husband’s wishes. His voice has been heard. What you really mean is that his wishes should control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11 year old dd and I just found out I am pregnant. I don't want this child and my husband wants it. I have been so careful with my birth control regiment. Our dd is set for life and if we have another one it means that she will get half of what she has now and her inheritance will be divided by two. I just can't. We have discussed it for three days now and he won't budge. If I terminate he threatened divorce. I cannot bring a child into this world that I know I won't love. When we got married we both didn't want any children, then he changed his mind and I gave in. I only agreed because he promised we would be one and done.

Do you regret giving birth to your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who gave up a quarter mil inheritance in 2018 without batting an eyelash, I can say that I’d be heartsick to learn as an adult that my mom aborted my only sibling to make sure I got a lot of money some day.

Just stop.

It's not a baby.

Learn science.

She clearly said they both decided before this one and done.

He changed the rules

Yes, she has a lot to think about. It's her choice period. NO JUDGEMENT.

OP will do whatever she wants. The money would feel like blood money to me if it was my mom and my sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

Neither of these are 100% effective, so yes you’re taking a risk. You didn’t comment on my other points, I noticed.