Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:an architectural mullet!

I *love* this descriptor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one. On Chain Bridge Road in Washington DC

https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_sale/Washington-DC/67393834_zpid/41568_rid/12000-15000_size/globalrelevanceex_sort/39.086903,-76.676331,38.699444,-77.352677_rect/10_zm/

I just spent at least 2 minutes toggling back and forth between the picture of the front of that house and the picture of the back. The realtor should have never put them side-by-side in the slideshow; it's like an architectural mullet!

I think the front is historic, and the back is addition.

That's certainly my impression. Cool pool, though.

[Anonymous]

I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

[Anonymous]

I think you sound nice, OP. A pp said that in fact, seeing her friend's big beautiful house did put a damper on play dates, so you are on to something there. I hope you and your baby find a nice group of friends.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would have thought you were overthinking this but given some of the responses here, maybe not. I wouldn’t be put off by a big house even if I don’t have one myself.

Maybe it is an age gap thing if you have kids on high school? Are the people you are trying to arrange play dates with younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an architectural mullet!

I *love* this descriptor!

Business in front, party in the back - describes most additions, of any size!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably wouldn’t want to be friends. We have a few friends who have serious wealth (hundreds of millions) and they live in very nice but not crazy houses. A 15,000 sq ft house means that we have very different values and likely won’t see eye to eye on much.

this. why the "mansion"? Even the people I know with estates have a compound with normal sized, very nice homes on it .. ya know?

[Anonymous]

To answer your question honestly: yes. It wouldn't affect my opinion if you, and i wouldn't want to stop being friends or anything, but I'd feel a little weird reciprocating a play date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are 15000 square foot houses around here even located? Way out in some random exurb? That would be way more off putting to me than the actual size.

Here's one in McLean. Inside the Beltway. That took me less than one minute to find.

https://www.redfin.com/VA/McLean/1181-Ballantrae-Ln-22101/home/102799983

good lord no i would not be friends with the owner of that house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

I highly doubt this is it. DC is full of "older" moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

I highly doubt this is it. DC is full of "older" moms.

I meant I am not a kid trying to fit in with other kids. My age isn’t that old. I was on the younger side when I had my older kids. We are late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

I highly doubt this is it. DC is full of "older" moms.

I meant I am not a kid trying to fit in with other kids. My age isn’t that old. I was on the younger side when I had my older kids. We are late 30s.

Well, maybe that's your problem right there. How much different is your actual life from the one the person you invited over might reasonably have anticipated? I mean, if you're commiserating about spit up and night time wake ups, most people would assume you don't also have literally nothing else on your plate besides school drop-off and pick-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

Is this house to signal to the rest of your family that you have made it? Are you Indian or Hispanic?

+1 or Middle Eastern?

I have never seen a Hispanic living in a huge house without a whole lot of relatives too. So a huge house for joint families makes sense.

Yes, I have seen Indians, Chinese and Middle Easterners with huge homes and I think that it is great! They are propping up the real estate market.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. You’re getting a lot of grief for living in such a large house...and here’s one more.

I’m spatially challenged and had NO idea how big 15K sq ft was until I looked it up. That’s just...insane.

We would not be friends because:
-I’d wonder how much $$$ you’re giving to charity instead of your mortgage and housekeeper
-why such a big house? What are you compensating for?
-I’d think it’s a huge waste of money and couldn’t get past that. I wouldn’t be jealous, I am more jealous of people who can travel or have multiple homes.