Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

No, you are incorrect. There are many people, myself included, who would not be jealous of OP. You can't be jealous of something you would never want or that you find, frankly, gross. It may be hard for you to see other perspectives, but try to understand that different people want different things. As soon as I see the old, tired "you're just jealous" and "you sound insecure" response here on DCUM, it's a big red flag that the responder really just doesn't like the hard truth coming their way. You have to tell yourself this to avoid the bad feelings that come from others responding so negatively to your life choices. In reality, you just made bad life choices. We're not interested in emulating you.

Pot, meet kettle. Honestly, the narrow-mindedness of the supposed open-minded people on here is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow 21 pages on this topic?

Not surprised at all. Nothing like a big, new house to set off the DCUM crowd. Hilarious! So many incorrect assumptions and denials! Keep it going.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you are incorrect. There are many people, myself included, who would not be jealous of OP. You can't be jealous of something you would never want or that you find, frankly, gross. It may be hard for you to see other perspectives, but try to understand that different people want different things. As soon as I see the old, tired "you're just jealous" and "you sound insecure" response here on DCUM, it's a big red flag that the responder really just doesn't like the hard truth coming their way. You have to tell yourself this to avoid the bad feelings that come from others responding so negatively to your life choices. In reality, you just made bad life choices. We're not interested in emulating you.

Pot, meet kettle. Honestly, the narrow-mindedness of the supposed open-minded people on here is astounding.

+1

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would depend on how my new friend acted. Like, If you said something like, oh our old house at 8000 square foot was just too small....who could even live in a place like that, we just HAD to upgrade! I would internally be like, Ok, I guess I'm never inviting you over to my 2 bedroom rented condo then, because you obviously would think it's a piece of crap. But if I met someone that had a big house and just acted normal and not stuck up, I don't see why we couldn't be friends. I still might feel a tiny bit embarrassed to host though.

+1

Exactly

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be friends with you or let my kids play with yours. Our morals and values don’t align. You are hell bent on ruining our planet. I’m not.

Question: How on earth do you know this? What if OP makes her money curing cancer - then it would be OP who is too good for you?

The pp explained how. The OP is hell bent on ruining our planet and the PP is not.

Listen, actions have consequences. If you want to live in a 15,000 sq ft house then fine but don’t expect that 99.9% of the population will agree with your “family values”.

I don't know. Maybe OP didn't build the house herself. Maybe she is the second owner. In either case, I believe in keeping the economy going. OP is more than doing her share. What are you doing?

DP. How is OP, a SAHM in a huge house, doing anything to keep the economy going? She employs a housekeeper, big deal. She also waste's a ton of resources in a house like that.

She might have investments that perpetuate the economy, pay a hefty tax bill that the county relies upon, and spend her time helping orphans or the cancer stricken. But you wouldn't know about any of that.

But outside the property tax, none of that has anything to do with owning a very large house.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.[b]

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

+1

Same. Sorry, but if I saw that house + housekeeper, I would know we could not possibly be friends since we don't share the same general values.

Same. Same. It's not that I wouldn't necessarily like you or think you're a nice person, but I would definitely not feel like we could really be friends. I would never feel comfortable inviting your or your children to my average 2500 sq ft house where we have to do all the cleaning, yard work, etc. Your kids would probably be bored too.

Ok so I am not imagining it. My friend did drop me after coming over. I should hesitate to invite someone over.

The one friend I really like is a military spouse. We have hung out a few times and I really like her. She just offered me her daughter’s old raincoat and I felt grateful. This thread has confirmed that I should feel self conscious about inviting her over.

Another friend I met from a moms group and we meet up every week. We talk about sleep deprivation and things like teething. I know she doesn’t get paid help because they are saving up for home renovations.

I agree, OP. You can see from the direction this thread is going: "I'm not jealous!!! My friends live in mansions!! Really!!" how people feel. Sad, but true. Insecurity is RAMPANT here.

No, you are incorrect. There are many people, myself included, who would not be jealous of OP. You can't be jealous of something you would never want or that you find, frankly, gross. It may be hard for you to see other perspectives, but try to understand that different people want different things. As soon as I see the old, tired "you're just jealous" and "you sound insecure" response here on DCUM, it's a big red flag that the responder really just doesn't like the hard truth coming their way. You have to tell yourself this to avoid the bad feelings that come from others responding so negatively to your life choices. In reality, you just made bad life choices. We're not interested in emulating you.

Case in point.

You seem...I don't know....faux snobby.

Point being, you have no idea but to judge, and you don't control yourself, like a small child.

I may not want anyone's big house either (I don't own a house, so there is that), but I don't scold them for what makes them comfortable. That is absurd - and says much more about you than OP. I bet OP has great parties, and I would be the first to attend parties with fun people (instead of wasting my time at parties with dour, NPD stricken looky loos - no thanks!).

My response reflects that I care about the environment. How is caring about the environment "faux snobby"? This was my first response to this discussion; I'm not one of the PPs quoted up-thread. I am merely pointing out that a negative response to another person's life choice can't be automatically dismissed as jealousy and that the "you're just jealous" response is childish and often wrong.

That said, I do think a house that size is wasteful. No family of five needs 15k feet to be comfortable. Come on. I would keep my judgement about her house to myself if I knew OP, but she came on DCUM and asked a direct question.

I never said how I'd feel about play dates. House size would not impact my decision regarding a play date with OP. I'd be more interested in how our previous interactions had gone and how my child felt about her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you are incorrect. There are many people, myself included, who would not be jealous of OP. You can't be jealous of something you would never want or that you find, frankly, gross. It may be hard for you to see other perspectives, but try to understand that different people want different things. As soon as I see the old, tired "you're just jealous" and "you sound insecure" response here on DCUM, it's a big red flag that the responder really just doesn't like the hard truth coming their way. You have to tell yourself this to avoid the bad feelings that come from others responding so negatively to your life choices. In reality, you just made bad life choices. We're not interested in emulating you.

Pot, meet kettle. Honestly, the narrow-mindedness of the supposed open-minded people on here is astounding.

Give me a break. EVERYONE judges other people about some things. Absolutely no one, including you, is "open-minded" about everything. We all have lines that if crossed make us think less of another person.

Having a 15000 foot house is unusual. You really think that finding a 15000 foot house for five people over the top and wasteful is exceptionally narrow minded?

[Anonymous]

You people are all nuts.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be friends with you or let my kids play with yours. Our morals and values don’t align. You are hell bent on ruining our planet. I’m not.

Question: How on earth do you know this? What if OP makes her money curing cancer - then it would be OP who is too good for you?

Well, curing cancer doesn't make you that rich, and everyone with half a brain knows it.

I know research scientists who study cancers and do reasonably well, some might say rich.

do they live in 15000 soft homes?

I don't know, I did not measure. They are nice people, smart and accomplished - and consistently show they have a great heart - that is all that matters to me. You can keep the a-holes.

I think you'd know if you were in a 15,000 sq ft home -- that is enormous. Friends of mine had 8000 and it was massive. you would notice - trust me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be friends with you or let my kids play with yours. Our morals and values don’t align. You are hell bent on ruining our planet. I’m not.

Question: How on earth do you know this? What if OP makes her money curing cancer - then it would be OP who is too good for you?

Well, curing cancer doesn't make you that rich, and everyone with half a brain knows it.

I know research scientists who study cancers and do reasonably well, some might say rich.

do they live in 15000 soft homes?

I don't know, I did not measure. They are nice people, smart and accomplished - and consistently show they have a great heart - that is all that matters to me. You can keep the a-holes.

I think you'd know if you were in a 15,000 sq ft home -- that is enormous. Friends of mine had 8000 and it was massive. you would notice - trust me.

Exactly
Some "tolerant" people here simply ignore the actual size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

Yes

We did reciprocate and other rich parents left us in dust as kids got older.

Stay closer to your peer group for sake of children

And 15000 is obscene

[Anonymous]

Yes! because...

I like big houses and I can not lie
You other mothers can't deny
That when a mom walks in with a sh!tshack house
And throws attitude in your face.... you post on DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be friends with you or let my kids play with yours. Our morals and values don’t align. You are hell bent on ruining our planet. I’m not.

Question: How on earth do you know this? What if OP makes her money curing cancer - then it would be OP who is too good for you?

The pp explained how. The OP is hell bent on ruining our planet and the PP is not.

Listen, actions have consequences. If you want to live in a 15,000 sq ft house then fine but don’t expect that 99.9% of the population will agree with your “family values”.

I don't know. Maybe OP didn't build the house herself. Maybe she is the second owner. In either case, I believe in keeping the economy going. OP is more than doing her share. What are you doing?

DP. How is OP, a SAHM in a huge house, doing anything to keep the economy going? She employs a housekeeper, big deal. She also waste's a ton of resources in a house like that.

She might have investments that perpetuate the economy, pay a hefty tax bill that the county relies upon, and spend her time helping orphans or the cancer stricken. But you wouldn't know about any of that.

But outside the property tax, none of that has anything to do with owning a very large house.

Except that you insist on calling OP's choices "wasteful", while proving that is exactly what you are - a waste. If you can't go along to get along, and act like a reasonable, contributing adult (and not a vengeful child - even when you don't have all the toys you want!) that is not on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be friends with you or let my kids play with yours. Our morals and values don’t align. You are hell bent on ruining our planet. I’m not.

Question: How on earth do you know this? What if OP makes her money curing cancer - then it would be OP who is too good for you?

Well, curing cancer doesn't make you that rich, and everyone with half a brain knows it.

I know research scientists who study cancers and do reasonably well, some might say rich.

do they live in 15000 soft homes?

I don't know, I did not measure. They are nice people, smart and accomplished - and consistently show they have a great heart - that is all that matters to me. You can keep the a-holes.

I think you'd know if you were in a 15,000 sq ft home -- that is enormous. Friends of mine had 8000 and it was massive. you would notice - trust me.

Exactly
Some "tolerant" people here simply ignore the actual size.

Good thing life is not a zero sum game or you would be screwed. Not that you reaize that, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you are incorrect. There are many people, myself included, who would not be jealous of OP. You can't be jealous of something you would never want or that you find, frankly, gross. It may be hard for you to see other perspectives, but try to understand that different people want different things. As soon as I see the old, tired "you're just jealous" and "you sound insecure" response here on DCUM, it's a big red flag that the responder really just doesn't like the hard truth coming their way. You have to tell yourself this to avoid the bad feelings that come from others responding so negatively to your life choices. In reality, you just made bad life choices. We're not interested in emulating you.

Pot, meet kettle. Honestly, the narrow-mindedness of the supposed open-minded people on here is astounding.

Give me a break. EVERYONE judges other people about some things. Absolutely no one, including you, is "open-minded" about everything. We all have lines that if crossed make us think less of another person.

Having a 15000 foot house is unusual. You really think that finding a 15000 foot house for five people over the top and wasteful is exceptionally narrow minded?



It. Does. Not. Involve. Me.

Are you really that NPD?